Where Should I Begin?

I have so much I want to say about our time in Guatemala, but I keep having problems starting a mega post. With such a long post, I do not know where to begin. So I think I will post several smaller ones about our days there, how I am feeling now that we are back in the U.S. and where we will be going from here.

Before I say any thing else, several people have asked if something is wrong. Apparently the tone of one of my posts from earlier in the week gave the impression that the trip was not going well. That isn't the case and in time, I will explain a little of what led me to write what I did.

I can't wait to share details from the trip, but I think there are a few (make that 9) people that deserve an entire post to themselves. To call the people that traveled to Guatemala a "team" sounds wrong to me. Before the trip, I might would have called us that, but during this trip the "AAB team" turned into the "AAB family". I am honored that the Butler's and the Salemi's traveled with us to Guatemala, thrilled that we all got along without any major drama and happy that everyone of them played such a big role in Across All Borders' first trip back to Guatemala. We live in the same area as the Salemi's, so missing them won't be a problem...we see them often...but the Butler's live in Maine and I am already missing them like crazy.


Thanks to each of you for the love you poured into Guatemala during our time and for your personal friendships.

To the Butler family - Thank you SO MUCH for diving head first in deciding to travel with us back in December! Your support and constant encourgement means so much. This trip would not have been the same without you and we are so happy that you are a part of AAB! We adore Krista and Reese and love Cassie to pieces (that's southern talk for, well, "love her to pieces"...lol). God has big things in store for her life! Please thank her for us, for her help with every thing and let her know that without her, things would have gone much differently during part of the week. She is a huge help and we loved having her with us (as well as Krista and Reese). We love y'all! :)

To the Salemi family - We see you often. I think I've told you what y'all mean to us, but just in case I haven't....

Thank you. For deciding at nearly the last minute to travel with us. For sharing your ideas. For supporting, encouraging and most importantly, for praying. For loving the people of Guatemala as much as we do. And for just being there at the best and worst times to either celebrate with us or help pick us back up. We are incredibly grateful for your involvement with AAB. We love Jake and Bella! You know that already and you know that we think Jake is one of the best kids on the planet. I have never met a child with such a big heart. We can't wait to see what God has in store for his life!

We spent the first two and a half days of our time in Guatemala hanging out in Antigua. As much as I wanted that time to pass quickly so we could get on with what the trip was all about, I think that things may have gone differently had we not had that time to just hang out together as individual families and friends. I needed that time to kind of readjust to Guatemala and the others needed it to begin getting to know a little about Antigua since our teams will be based there as long we are working Pueblo Nuevo. It was during this time that I heard about one of the kid's telling his mom, "I thought this trip is about Jesus...not you." He has no idea the impact those words had on his mother. Or on me. I wonder if he will ever realize that on the very first AAB trip to Guatemala, he kind of started setting the tone for a couple (or a few) people and his words are still ringing in our ears more than a week later? I wonder if he will ever know how many times that phrase was repeated throughout the trip and will probably be mentioned during every AAB trip from now on? (Jake - You rock!) And I am starting to realize that those two days were important in beginning to knit our group together...not just as a people going on a mission trip and never seeing each other again and not even as the majority of our Board of Directors, but as people and friends. Had we jumped right into what we were really there for, we would not have had the chance to just hang out and spend time together and I am so thankful that the other two families spent the first weekend in Antigua with us. Here are some pictures from our down days in Antigua. Next post....pictures and details from Pueblo Nuevo.

Weaving Families Benefit Dinner

While I'm thinking about it and before I get into my super-duper long trip post, I wanted to mention a benefit dinner that I will be attending July 16th and encourage anyone in the Charlotte area to join me in supporting Weaving Families. Muhsin Muhammad will be speaking at the event. Muhammad and his wife adopted two children from Ethiopia and he will be sharing about their adoption journey(s) that night. Tickets are $50 each and are limited to the first 200 people. To learn more or to purchase tickets, please click here.

Jesus Calling - June 27

Rest in Me a while. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey. I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn't bear to see all of your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deeps draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go.

"Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer. Save me from my enemies, Lord; I run to you to hide. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing." Psalm 143: 8-10

I promised to blog every night that I was in Guatemala. I am so sorry to those of you that wanted to follow along with our time here. For a number of reasons blogging just isn't something I have been able to do. I will blog about each day of our trip after we return to the U.S. (which is Saturday by the way) and post pictures, of course.

Tonight I am sitting in a hotel room in Guatemala City with so much to say, but without the words to say much of any thing. We left Antigua today. We visit a children's home for the second time tomorrow. And we return to the U.S. Saturday. My heart is all over the place. My thoughts are racing. I can feel the sting of tears as they come quickly and I cry tonight not because I love Guatemala and do not want to leave (though that is still one reason why my heart is breaking...again), but because while some things were made very clear to me this week, I am leaving Guatemala with more questions than I had when I arrived. Before we landed in Guatemala I prayed, "Please, Lord, show us the way. Tell us what to do. Make it clear and we will do what you ask of us." and tonight I am still praying the same thing and for the same reasons. I am praying for wisdom and guidance. Praying for the constant reminder that His timing is perfect and that all things work together for good for those that love Him and those that are called according to His purpose. Praying for peace...it's always peace, isn't it? I am so unsettle tonight...not for any reason in particular and not because any thing bad happened during this trip (because nothing bad happened, though I know this post probably sounds that way), but because....well...I'm not sure why.

This is vague, I know. As soon as I can make sense of my overwhelmed heart and racing mind, I will post again.

Feels Like Home

***Before I say anything else, I have to say that I will not be posting pictures until we get to the states because I left my cord thingy at home. So for the next week you get to hear me ramble on and on about who knows what.***

--

"The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. God's reputation is twenty-four carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. The decisions of God are accurate, down to the nth degree." Psalm 19: 7-9

We made it to Antigua yesterday afternoon and are spending the weekend hanging out with our families as we wait for Monday's arrival. I could write a long post about what it feels like to be back in Guatemala (actually I did and then deleted it), but all I will say is that I do feel like I am home, that I began sobbing the moment Guatemala came into view yesterday as we were landing and I find myself having to fight back tears as I walk down the street. I was reading Psalm 19 today and realized that there is no better way than this to describe what it is like to be back here. His revelation pulled my life together. His signposts were clear and pointed me to this right road. His life maps are right and showing the way to joy. His directions are plain and He is more valuable than any thing in this life. His decisions are accurate. He brought me here the first time and back again now. He planted the love that I have for the people of this country and I am SO READY to begin meeting some of them Monday. So thankful and so blessed....

What Does This Feel Like?

I've been trying to put into words what it feels like to be this close to returning to Guatemala. It's the question I have been asked most often over the last week and I am not sure how to answer it. I find myself saying the same thing I said right before I left Guatemala in 2007 when people would ask why I wasn't thrilled to be returning to the U.S. "It's complicated", I would say, because no one understood how I could want permission to leave Guatemala, but I didn't really want to leave. And now when I know the person asking is going to look at me like I'm nuts and start looking for an outlet for a quick escape because they think my response about this is a little "out there", I cut my answer short with, again, "It's complicated." But I can't just say that here. I've talked about this trip for 6 months, always thinking that at that moment I was as excited as I would ever be about returning to Guatemala. I've gone through every emotion there is, other than anger, about the trip, but tonight I am as settled as I have been in 6 months. How am I really feeling about being just two days away from reconnecting with myself?

I am at peace. Never in my life have I experienced peace with this intensity. The fear that was raging three or four weeks ago and that had been coming and going since December is gone. I have nothing to fear and I am so thankful that it is not overpowering me as it did before I went to foster in Guatemala. For a while I was afraid of the fear itself and I feared that the same thing would happen when I got to Guatemala as it did then, but those were crazy thoughts. I am in a much different place than I was near the end of our adoption. This trip is partly the result of that time in my life. I cannot say that I regret the moments when panic struck repeatedly and when fear had such a tight grip on me. I wish that I would have handled it the right way in the beginning, but that fear is what caused me to fall at the feet of Christ (again) and in the end led to my realization of why I was in Guatemala. The peace that I have tonight is a gift from God. I am reassured that this is right. This is what is supposed to be happening in our lives right now.

I am joy-filled. Leaving Guatemala in 2007 truly hurt me. The ONLY reason I came back to the U.S. is because Danny was waiting for us here. Really....that was the only reason I returned. Since then I have felt like a visitor here. I love the United States and I am happy to be an American. I will always be. But I belong in Guatemala (and a couple of other countries...because my life simply cannot be lived in one place). Several people hoped when I returned from Guatemala that my sadness about having to leave that place would fade. They hoped that I would readjust and realize that I really did not want to spend my life living there. How could I want to live in a place like that, away from the luxuries of "home"? Obviously, things did not go as they hoped. I have never stopped wanting to return to Guatemala and I never will. I have never stopped talking about it and I make it clear, always, that the time is coming when I will return to Guatemala not for a short term mission trip, but to live part of my life there. But for now, I am overwhelmed with joy at the thought of being back in Guatemala, if only for one week. I feel like I am going home....as close to home as I can get this side of Heaven.

I am happy. Happy that Tommy and Danny are both traveling with me. Happy that the Butler's and Salemi's are traveling with us. Happy, happy, happy...about every thing.

I am excited. OK...that is actually an understatement. I have often mentioned feeling like I am going to explode and feeling like I am "bubbling" with excitement. I still feel that way now, except it has been intensified a hundred times. I have so much energy (even though I am completely exhausted) that I feel like I am bouncing off the walls and I feel like I could shake electricity out of the tips of my fingers. I know...it doesn't make sense. But at least I know I am not alone. Every person traveling is crazy excited.

I am blessed. I could not imagine traveling with anyone else or any other families on this trip other than the Butler's and the Salemi's. These two families include some of the most amazing people I have ever met. They inspire me and I have no doubt that we will be blessed by them time and time again while we are in Guatemala.

I am so in love. I am totally consummed. I am thankful. With, by and for God. Period.

I am ready for whatever He may bring or wherever He may lead. I am still following, still listening. My heart is wide open and I am ready...for any thing.

I am anxiously waitng to find out what it feels like to land and be in Guatemala again. I want to finally know what it will feel like to be back at the house I lived in with Tommy and to walk the streets of Antigua with my husband and with friends that were incredible sources of support through his adoption...friends that walked with me through my time in Guatemala. I want to know what it is like to see Tommy running through the house where he first learned to sit up by himself and eat french fries in the house where he had his first taste of baby food. I want to see Danny's face as he sees all new sights and want to be close to his heart as he soaks in all that Guatemala is...the good and the bad. I want to be able to do more during this week, but I am coming to terms with the fact that just for this trip, our very first trip back, we will only be able to do so much.

I already do not want to leave the place where I feel the most like myself.

But I will not focus on the fact that I will return to the U.S. Instead, I am looking forward to meeting and spending time with Marco, the local pastor that we will be working with in Pueblo Nuevo. Meeting with families and determining which to include in our sponsorship program. Visiting a couple of children's homes/orphanages. Distributing supplies. Meeting Anna and her family. Making plans for October, December and beyond. Watching my Guatemalan born child play with children that live their lives there. Shaking hands with people that I have never met, but love with my entire heart. Praying with our team. Getting to know them better. Reconnecting with the piece of my heart that is anchored there. But perhaps most importantly, I am focused on just being there, spending time in His presence, listening for His voice and seeking His face. In every child's cry, we will hear Him. In every mother's desperate face, we will see Him.

Several people have asked what they can be praying about. Thank you so much for remembering us! This is what I am personally praying for....

- That everyone has a safe trip.
- That the meeting with Marco and time spent with him goes well and that we are able to begin making definite, logical plans for families that have children enrolled in the children's program and those that do not attend the program
- That He will lead us to the families/students that He wants us to work with first as we begin the AAB sponsorship program.
- That we will know which children we are to help first.
- That our hearts will be broken for the things that break His heart.
- That our faith will be renewed and increased.
- That when He speaks, we will listen.

On a more personal level, I am praying that our entire team will be open to Him and His will for our lives and the future of AAB. I pray that we will each be moved in a way that makes it impossible to come home and quickly forget about the things that we will see and experience. I am praying that we will all lay our resistance down and replace it with greater trust in the One that promises that He has a plan for our lives and it is a plan far more superior to any of ours. And I pray that we will remember, now and always, that this isn't about us, it isn't about our families or our friends and it isn't about what other people think we should be doing with our lives. It is only about serving the Lord in the way He has called us to live and making sure that His will is done through us. We are only vessels, here for a short time, with only one chance to do it right. This is the first and last chance and I pray that we all, including myself, will use this time to search within ourselves and ask God the question, "Why are you allowing me to breate Your air today?" with the intention of responding correctly when He answers the question. (Question taken from a conversation with Amanda). May we each hear His answer clearly and act quickly.

I will be blogging from Guatemala daily (late at night) and will also be on Facebook. If you would like to keep up with updates through Facebook, you can find me with the name "Terry Carr Bracey".

Adios until Friday from Antigua.....

Disclaimer #001

I just read a blog that mentioned the word "tarantula" and "Antigua" in the same sentence. WHAT??? You must be kidding me! I killed plenty of spiders while in Guatemala, but seeing a tarantula would have sent me flying from the roof of our house. That is not something that I would have handled well.

So, for the sake of the lovely people traveling with AAB and FOR THE LOVE OF GUATEMALA I did a quick search on tarantulas in Antigua. Apparently, I've never put the two together in my thoughts until now. Just as I do not think I will ever see a tarantula crawling up my bedroom wall, I never thought that there was a possibility of seeing one in a house in Antigua. Wrong! From what I've read, it isn't common and it doesn't happen often, but there are, indeed, instances when the hairy little suckers make their way in to this quaint village-ish area of Guatemala.

That isn't to scare anyone, of course. I know how I handle spiders and I have seen how Amanda handles spiders, though I doubt either one of us would be jumping first to smack a tarantula with the shoes we would have to wear the next day. Bobbi? What about you?

Guys....in the weird case that one of us starts screaming like a girl (because we ARE girls!), come runnin' with all your bug killin' fury.

Ugh! I can't even stand the thought! I'm going to try to forget I ever read about this......and try to remember that I have never personally seen a tarantula in Guatemala. And really hoping that I never do. In fact, it would probably be best for us to never mention this again.

Seriously though....if that's what it takes....bring on the tarantulas! :)