Wherever He May Lead....

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2012-01-15T22:01:00.002-06:00

I’m not sure how to title this post. I thought about:

He Did It Again or Call It What It Is or just I’m Fully Funded!

Basically, that’s what it boils down to. The Lord did it again. He totally blew my mind. I am fully funded for my mission trip to Uganda. He used some precious people to provide the way and I am so incredibly thankful. If you were one of the anonymous donors that I can’t thank personally, please know how much I appreciate you. I have no idea what God has in store for me (or this team) during our time in Uganda, but if I ever had a doubt in my mind that I needed to go (I didn’t, but still…), I certainly do not have any doubt now.

Here’s the sad thing. (I can’t believe I’m going to admit this here.) I didn’t believe that it was going to happen.

Years ago I told a sweet friend that I had to go to Africa. I didn’t know where exactly, but in addition to that never ending longing to get to Cambodia and working in Guatemala, I was starting to feel like the Lord was calling me to something in that part of the world. Specifically Uganda. I struggled for a long time with it. Maybe I was supposed to go to Rwanda or Ghana or maybe I wasn’t supposed to go at all. Maybe we were supposed to adopt from one of these countries or maybe we were supposed to do some type of ministry there. Maybe I was supposed to go just once in my life or maybe time and time again. I had no idea, but it didn’t matter. The door never opened and I really didn’t even wonder if it ever would. The heart tug was still there, but I pushed it aside. Until last year when our church missions guy mentioned to me (only mentioned once and didn’t bring it up again for a long time) that he felt like we needed to be working somewhere in Africa. Just at the mention of it my heart leaped, but again I pushed the thought aside and for once didn’t ask him (the missions guy that I know I drive crazy with my many questions) any questions.

A couple of months ago the same missions guy let me know that we (our church) would begin working with a missionary in Uganda and Mumbai. Granted, India isn’t Cambodia, but after so many years of knowing, without a doubt, that I have something to see or do or just learn in southeast Asia, I jumped at the chance to travel to Mumbai with people that I trust later this year. And I wanted to jump at the chance to travel to Uganda, but I couldn’t. I had to make a choice and it wasn’t a hard decision to pick the part of the world that has been on my heart since I was a child (even though it isn’t Cambodia). Still, I desperately wanted to go to Uganda, too. But how would I make multiple trips to Guatemala, go to India for 10 days in the fall AND go to Uganda in the spring? There was simply now way to swing it.

Every time the Uganda trip was mentioned, I felt sick. Literally. And I said over and over how much I wanted to go, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t work it out. I don’t know what happened in December, but it became really clear that I had to stop saying that I could not go to Uganda. I also could not skip more than one trip to Guatemala and there was NO WAY that I could back out of Mumbai. I didn’t know what would happen, but I told the missions guy that I had to go with them to Uganda, but basically not to count on it because I had no idea how I was going to pay for it and if God really wanted me on the trip, He was going to have to do something big.

Let me just pause to say now that yes, sometimes I am an idiot. And a hypocrite. Because I walked around for a couple of weeks saying that I was going to Uganda and even though I had no idea how I would get there, God would provide the way. It sounded good, but to be honest, I didn’t fully believe it. Don’t get me wrong. I know God is capable of anything and $2500 is a drop in the bucket for Him. I’ve been on the receiving end of His mind blowing provision time and time again, but obviously had never learned from it. Secretly I prayed for just 50% because there is no way that I would make it to 100%. If I could just get to 50% we would figure out a way to make it happen. Somehow. Someway. I set a deadline of January 31 and started a contest that ended today. But the contest isn’t what He used to bring the funding.

No, He decided to go all out and beat my timeline by weeks. His provision came so quickly. In less than 2 weeks, 100% of my trip was paid for by friends, family and strangers. And along with that I have received the most encouraging notes and emails that I have ever received.

I joke sometimes that I hope we are allowed to ask questions in heaven because after a thousand years or so of Jesus time, I would love to spend some time asking questions about all kinds of stuff. Last week, I decided that if it’s allowed, I really want to know how many times God has shaken His head at me while saying, “I told you so.” Because again, He said, “Go,” and then made the way despite my doubt, proving again that I cannot stop praying, “Lord, increase my faith.”

I am beyond blessed and so humbled.

So here we go. In just over two months I will be in Uganda. Eight weeks later, Guatemala. Twelve weeks later, Mumbai. And 10 days later, back to Guatemala. And those are just the international trips. In between are Spanish classes and Bible study, conferences and a much needed family vacation. And always just being a wife and mom. My life is so full and even though some think I should be becoming just slightly overwhelmed with this year’s schedule, I have never been happier and at such peace. Life is good because He is good. Always.

Want to win $250 while helping me get to Uganda??

2011-12-29T18:29:00.001-06:00

It’s that time of the year. You know…post Christmas and pre-tax refund. The time of year when many of us are just barely making ends meets after spending too much on Christmas gifts and getting ready to watch our mailboxes closely for that long awaited W2 (unless you usually owe, in that case, I am SO SORRY!) The last thing you want right now is someone asking you for money for their cause. I get it. Really, I do.

Too bad I’m going to ask anyway, but at least I have a little incentive (thanks to a generous supporter).

In case you haven’t heard me shouting it from the rooftops yet, I’m going to Uganda in March. In just 12 weeks. (Give me a moment while I recover from that statement. As if I’m not freaked out enough by flying to Guatemala often, yes, now I’m going to get on a plane and go to east Africa….deep breaths…..). Want to know the crazy thing? I have NO IDEA how I’m going to get there. I just know I will…somehow, someway. And that’s where I hope you come in. I need sponsors in a BAD way. One to sponsor the whole trip or lots to sponsor small portions of it. Either way works for me, but whatever it is, I need $2500 for this trip and I need it pronto.

I’ve been praying and thinking and praying and thinking some more of how to raise the cash. I’ve gone through every option that I tell people to try when raising money for Guatemala mission trips. (I may have to rethink some of my suggestions because when it comes down to it, some of them have just been dumb and I would never even try it….sorry past AAB team members who have been on the receiving end of bad suggestions!)

A bake sale won’t work. My cookies always come out as crispy as potato chips, my cakes always split and (not to share their secrets or anything), but most of my local friends just aren’t the baking kind. I can’t have a yard sale because I’m yard-saled out. If you’ve been in my house lately, you’d see that I really just don’t have anything left to sell except my really old TV and I better hold on to it because Danny needs entertainment while I’m in Uganda (not to mention it would only get me five bucks.) I thought about doing a raffle, but I don’t have anything big enough to raffle off and really, does anyone want to see another person standing in front of Wal-Mart selling raffle tickets? So here’s what I came up….

We’ll give away money (ok, really a Visa gift card, but if it works like cash, it’s really the same, right?). Anyone that helps me get to Uganda by sponsoring me with a $10 donation will be entered to win. For every $10 donated, you get another entry. $10=1 chance, $20=2 chances, $100=10 chances….you get the idea. We will announce the winner at 5pm CST on January 15th. If you can’t donate $10, can you sponsor me with $5, even $1? Seriously, any amount will help. And PLEASE PRAY. And again, if by some chance more is raised than what is needed for the trip, all remaining donations will be turned over to AAB to be used for programs to assist families in Guatemala. So by all means, if we make it to 100% and you still want a chance to win, keep donating.

It’s easy to donate. You can ChipIn on the top right of the blog using your credit card, you can send it directly through PayPal to terry dot bracey at gmail dot com (be sure to say it’s a donation for Uganda, please) or you can mail me a check or money order (let me know if you need my address).

Now, you have until January 15th, but don’t wait until then to get it done. Go ahead and do it now before you forget (like I usually do in situations like this).

In all seriousness, I really need your help. Without sponsors, this trip will not happen. I can’t wait to see how God is going to work this out.

OK….enough babbling…thanks in advance for helping me finally get to Uganda!

ChipIn for Uganda

2011-12-27T10:35:00.001-06:00

This is a super weird place for me. Usually I’m the one trying to help people come up with ways to fund their mission trips to Guatemala (or wherever). It’s hard for me to ask for help, even when I’m asking people for money to support families in Guatemala. It’s doubly hard for me to ask for personal help, like I’m doing right now.

So everyone knows that I know that for now we have been called to work in Guatemala and most know that I know that I also need to get to Asia (who knows if it’s really Cambodia, Thailand, India…only time will tell) and I’m going to India on a mission trip in September. Some know that several years ago I also began feeling that familiar tug on my heart for Uganda specifically. I tried to ignore it, but it hasn’t gone away and now I have the opportunity to possibly begin realizing what it’s all about. I don’t think these heart tugs to these very specific areas in the world are coincidence so if God opens the door for me to get there (like with India later this year), I have to take it because obviously there is something I am supposed to see or do there. I didn’t expect 2012 to be full of open doors, but that’s what has happened. Now I also have the chance to travel to Uganda in March and I am trusting that even though I do not know how I am going to get there, He does and will provide the way. Both the India and Uganda trips are with our church, with people that we know and trust, so again I do not think it is coincidental. I am so thankful that after years of praying the doors have swung wide open to these areas of the world that have been on my heart for so long and I do not have to travel on my own or with a group that I do not know to either the first time.

Here’s the deal. I need help to get to Uganda. Again, I hate to ask for help, but I keep hearing in the back of my mind, “You have not because you ask not,” and I know that the Lord so often uses others to help people get to where He wants them to be. I’ve seen it so many times with AAB team members and in the ministry itself. So I’m asking for your help. Would you consider donating any amount to help me get to Uganda? Time is running short and I know it’s right after Christmas when everyone is strapped after all the usual holiday expenses, but if you can donate even the smallest amount, it will be a huge help and I will be forever grateful. This is one of those times when literally every dollar counts. You can donate online by clicking on the ChipIn button on the top right of the blog or by check or money order (let me know if you need my address). Even if you cannot contribute financially, would you join me in praying for this trip…for funding and for the trip itself?

If, by chance, more than enough if raised to cover the trip, all remaining money will be donated to AAB to support families in Guatemala.

What’s In A Name?

2011-12-20T21:17:00.001-06:00

Like so many, I am looking forward to celebrating Christmas. Focusing on what it is truly about is important to me and I am spending time this week reading Scripture that is all too familiar, but still so fresh and new.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

I am slightly obsessed with names. It may take me a while to remember a name, but once I get it, I rarely forget it. And I would much rather put faces with names in ministry…like in Guatemala…or anywhere else in the world…where I believe with all that I am that people are more than statistics and projects. Each person has a name and a story.

Perhaps that is why I so love the many names of Jesus. Because he is more than just someone that was born and died. Because he has the best story and it is never ending. As if I had never read it before, what “he will be called” has stirred my heart in a new way tonight and I can’t help but speak his name which describes so much of what he is to me.

He IS called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace and by me he is called Savior, Almighty, Healer, King of Kings, Bread of Life and Living Water, Messiah, Holy One, Emmanuel, Comforter, Redeemer. Jesus. And this is just what I find myself saying. A quick google search reveals hundreds of names by which he is called (whether they are accurate or inaccurate I do not know). Oh how I love to speak his name…the one name that has more power than any other…the one that I live and would die for…the one who left his throne to save sinners like me.

With such a powerful meaning, how could I lose sight of what Christmas if really about?

From our family to yours, Merry Christmas. May you be filled with peace, love and joy during this most beautiful season.

Think About Rethinking It

2011-11-29T11:04:00.001-06:00

It’s time to get honest. And real. I don’t always “practice what I preach”. But that ends. Right now.

For years I’ve all but begged people to give more of themselves. At Christmas time especially, when the materialism I despise overtakes so many of us. Myself included. When people ask me every year what I want for Christmas, I tell them to buy a water filter for a family, feed the hungry, something, anything, but purchase a gift for me that I do not need. Don’t get me wrong. I like to get gifts as much as the next girl. I still get giddy when I’m ripping pretty paper to shreds while wondering what’s in the box. But I like to give more than I like to receive and for some reason (must be that whole “love like Jesus” thing) I consider it a GIFT to myself to give to those in need, to share the Gospel, to love. Only once in my life has anyone given me such a gift. Last year, a friend gave me a Christmas gift. It was a check made out to AAB to purchase a water filter. Best Christmas gift. EVER. Seriously. Call me crazy, but her gift to a family I love in Guatemala was an incredible gift to me. I can’t help it. I was made for this. And you want to know something? I think we all were, but somewhere along the way (you know, that whole sin and fallen world deal) we lost what it’s really all about.

So here I’ve sat every year for years complaining about how people need to give more of themselves to those that really need it instead of buying that one size too small sweater, a picture frame or a candle for the person that really doesn’t NEED anything at all. Because let’s face it. Some of us think we are in need. New flash: chances are, we’re really not. I’ve seen real need and it ain’t pretty, folks. But every year that I’ve complained about how I want people to donate to others on my behalf, I’ve gotten myself caught up in what I so dislike and have filled my shopping cart with those same gifts that people do not need or want that half the time go unused and sold in yard sales six months later. Never once have I done the very thing I’ve asked people to do for me.

No matter what anyone says, I do not “do enough” because I believe you never can. There is always more that I can do because that love just never stops overflowing me. Some say that we do not need to do this because churches and organizations around the world do this kind of stuff. To that I say, WE ARE THE CHURCH and since we have one of those organizations, we’re pretty much that, too. This is our job. If everyone left it up to someone else the world would be in more chaos than it already is. So this year I am doing what I’ve begged people to do for years. Instead of worrying about trying to find the best gift for that person that has it all or, dare I say, enough, we’re doing Christmas the way we think it should be done this year.

I love to give gifts and remember, I like to receive them. There is nothing wrong with exchanging gifts. NOTHING! So don’t blow up my email account or voice mail with “you’re a scrooge” messages. Trust me, there will be plenty of presents under my tree this year, I will thoroughly enjoy whatever gifts I receive and the super excited 4 year old in our house is getting his much anticipated visit from Santa, but this isn’t like Christmases past. Everyone that usually gets a gift from us is still receiving a gift. You’ll get a small happy…maybe something special that we know you really want or could use or some of your favorite fresh baked cookies and along with that, you’ll be receiving the gift of knowing that you are feeding a starving child, giving the life saving gift of clean water, sharing the Message of Jesus (imagine that….is Christmas about anything else??) in countries around the world.

These are the organizations we will be using to give Christmas away. If anyone wants to join us, please do. You can find gifts to give from $5 and the maximum is unlimited. Why don’t you consider still purchasing that gift for someone, but make it $5 less than you planned and donate a $5 Bible to someone that doesn’t have one instead or spend $10 less on that person’s gift and donate a mosquito net on his behalf? It’s that simple and so easy and there are many options. I am NOT saying that you shouldn’t give gifts, I’m simply asking you to consider spending a little less on the material things and give something that is really needed to people around the world. The first, Lemonade International, is a ministry in Guatemala. You can provide children with shoes (and a local shoe maker with an income…you know we love that!!), help pay a teacher’s salary and more. Samaritan’s Purse and Compassion International do not need any introduction. Across All Borders is not doing anything specific for Christmas this year and I am not even advocating specifically for our ministry, but of course if you would like to give the gift of a clean burning stove, Bibles, feed children, etc., through us, you can visit our website to make a donation.

You know (or maybe you don’t because I can’t imagine that anyone would intentionally ignore this on purpose)…Americans spend more than 450 BILLION DOLLARS a year on Christmas! To me, that spells INSANITY. Americans must be living in some kind of blind dream world. Because do you realize that experts believe that just 20 BILLION dollars is all that is needed to make sure everyone on the planet has access to clean water?? Water is just one of the world’s issues, but imagine what the world would be like if just for one Christmas we gave everyone in the world clean water and used the remaining 430 BILLION DOLLARS on other issues. Talk about alleviating poverty and imagine how many people would be reached with the Gospel!!

Yes, I’m a little crazy. I’ve never denied it. But I’m not crazy in the way some people think I am. I may be considered generous, but never will I be generous enough. I may love the poor and oppressed, orphans and widows, but I will never love enough. And even though I’m crazy, I am not crazy enough, because the reason behind my generosity, my love, my craziness is a Savior that gave it ALL and clearly laid out for all of us how we are to live our lives. It’s that simple. I take Him seriously and literally. He takes care of our little family of three and has called us, just like He has called everyone else, to give ourselves away for the Kingdom’s cause. How can we ask others to live this way if we do not? So here we go. Will you join us?

Not A Typical Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T20:45:00.001-06:00

This year we did not celebrate Thanksgiving as usual. Far from it. There was no watching the Macy’s Day parade, cooking all morning and running around at the last minute getting every thing ready for family, watching football all afternoon, napping and eating again. No, this was not our typical Thanksgiving. Most Thanksgivings I am more concerned with getting to wherever we’re supposed to be on time or making sure the pie turns out just right. But today…

I looked into the eyes of a 20-something Muslim woman that is paralyzed from the waist down and listened to her story. She was eight years old when her parents were murdered in front of her eyes and when she was raped, shot and left for dead in Somalia. As I hugged her I wanted nothing more than to take her pain away, past and present, and prayed that she will one day understand that there is hope in the One that came to save her.

I shook hands with a boy that arrived just two days ago from Sudan and I wondered what he must be thinking about his new home.

I knelt on the ground and rubbed the back of a woman from a small country that borders Nepal as I tried to understand what she was saying. In the end, I think she was overwhelmed and eventually calmed down as she got used to all of the activity. Later I smiled as I watched her making a necklace and taking extra plates of food back to her room…something I’m sure she was never able to do during her 20 years in the refugee camp in her home country.

I spent time with a Muslim family in their living room. They fled Somalia not long ago.

I was on the verge of tears when during a prayer a woman we were serving walked over, grabbed my hand and bowed her head to pray with us.

I was reminded of the simplicity of the Gospel.

And tonight I am praying for each and every one that we served, those that I was fortunate to meet and those that I did not.

We spent the day with others from our church serving at a local refugee community that houses refugees from ten countries. Some are Christians, but the majority are Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and other religions. We played games and did crafts with the children, served lunch, distributed food and necessity bags and shared the love of Jesus in words and action.

In the end, as we prayed, I couldn’t help but look around at those that had come to serve and the Christian refugees that had joined us, hand in hand, in prayer and thought…this is what heaven must look like. In heaven, it won’t matter what country you were born in, the language you spoke, the color of your skin. A huge circle of brothers and sisters from literally all over the world joined hands today to give thanks to Him. We saw just a glimpse of heaven today.

Everyone that knows me knows that my heart is in international missions, but my passion for missions started right here in this country when I was child serving wherever and however I could. Today I got the best of both worlds. This was the best Thanksgiving I have ever had.

2012 Trips

2011-10-21T12:08:00.001-05:00

As I am working on the big post with details about last week’s trip (I will try to get it up sometime next week), I thought I would share trip dates that have already been scheduled for 2012. So far we are forming teams for March 12-17, 2012 and October 15-20, 2012. Detailed information about these trips will be posted on the website in the coming weeks. If you are interested in traveling either of these weeks or would like to form a team of 5 or more to travel any other week of the year (excluding Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas weeks), email me at terry at acrossallborders dot org.

Different Worlds, Same Heaven

2011-10-16T23:17:00.000-05:00

From the time I pulled into the parking lot on this bright, beautiful day, I knew it was going to be hard for me to get through. Leaving Guatemala is never easy for me. When the next day is Sunday and I have no time separating church there and here, it makes it a little more difficult. Without early arrivals and long layovers it takes only 4 hours to get to Guatemala from here. It’s just 1601 miles away. I often wonder how so many different worlds can exist on one planet. Different cultures I understand, but it seems as if we live in totally different worlds. Just 4 hours from each other.

I get out of my car and walk into the church that I love so very much. One of the first things I see is one of our team members surrounded by people intently listening to her. She is talking about the trip and is already on the verge of tears as she was much of last week. What a new experience this is for me. What a wonderful one it is. I never get to see team members right after a trip because they usually live in other parts of the U.S. This was the first trip our church has joined with us to take. She is so deep in conversation that I ignore the urge to move everyone out of the way to hug her and simply pat her on the back and keep walking to my class.

I’m late, but that’s OK. Stopping to chat with people along the way wanting to know all about the trip is exciting. Once in my class I sit next to another team member and open my Bible to what is already being discussed. And that’s when I begin to get a little shaky.

The size of our ABF room is almost the size of the entire church in Pueblo Nuevo. We have carpet and padded seats and tables covered with table cloths. There are enough chairs for everyone. No one is dirty because we all had access to warm showers this morning. Our clothes are clean and are not torn. There are purses hanging from the chair backs and wallets sticking out of men’s pockets and even if someone in the room was considered “poor” by U.S. standards there would really be no comparison to that which we just came from. Everyone has a Bible or a Bible app and we can all read and write.

We are discussing Luke 19:11-27, the parable of the ten minas. Rarely does my focus wander during class, but today it was in and out. Our teacher happens to a friend and the missions pastor of our church and his wife is a dear friend that had just returned from Guatemala with me. I paid no attention to the reading or to much of the discussion because my mind was 1601 miles away, but I did hear some of the comments made by our teacher. He’s made so many comments over the last few years that have stuck with me and yesterday was one of those days when his comments pulled my wandering mind back to the present, where it should have been.

“Where is our sense of urgency? Why are we acting like we have plenty of time.”

“Do we walk the aisle, get baptized and that’s it?”

“Christians are rewarded for the things they do for the Kingdom so why are we not doing more good?”

We walk out of class and more people want to hear about the trip. I speak to the pastor’s wife for a few minutes and make my way into our super comfy sanctuary. Padded pews, carpeted floors, a big screen in front, an incredible baptismal, the perfect lighting, a top of the line sound system. I take my normal seat in the front and wait for it to begin. I know it’s coming. The music starts and though I open my mouth to sing, nothing comes out. Tears fall and my hands shake as I hear everyone singing, “You make beautiful things, beautiful things out of the dust…” A child is baptized then we greet each other before more singing. I walk around openly crying as I find each person that spent last week in Guatemala to check on them. As if Revelation Song is brand new, it gets me again. “Jesus, your name is power, breath of living water, such a marvelous mystery…”

I know that not so far away a tiny church is packed. The pastor and his family either walked or rode what I affectionately call a chicken bus a few miles to get there. It is raining and everyone else made their way through dirt and mud in the best clothes they have to get there. They have no instruments other than a single guitar and no sound system. They do not have enough room for the number of chairs they need so it was likely standing room only. But I’ve seen the worship and it is so real and dare I say more genuine than so many of our churches here. The words they sing do not just come out of their mouths. It comes from deep within and is poured out as a true offering of praise.

Both pastors begin their message at close to the same time. I am moved, as usual. My mind and my heart is torn between two places. I am so thankful for where I am and where I’ve been and I long to be in both places at once, knowing it will never happen. But then I realize that I could not be more wrong. I will never be able to be everywhere that I feel connected to while on Earth, but Heaven is a different story.

We all get the same Heaven. I’ve said for as long as I can remember that we aren’t different than anyone else in the world. We may have a lot of differences which usually boils down to money and what we spend it on, but we aren’t all that different. I spent my morning learning more about and worshipping the same Lord our friends in Guatemala learned more about and worshipped. Depending on what is at the core of our hearts, people all over the world are more the same than we are different.

I cannot even scratch the surface of imaging what Heaven will be like, but I do know that for the first time ever I won’t feel torn and for the first time ever all those that I love in the world, no matter where they are right now, will all be in the same place at once if they have given their hearts to Jesus. With all of my doubts and uncertainties in this thing called life, that is the one thing I am certain about.

No Sacrifice

2011-10-16T21:12:00.001-05:00

For the last week I’ve been in Guatemala. I left my my family to go serve those that I love as if they are my family. I led a team that had never been there before. Actually, all but one had never been on an international mission trip before. They left their families to travel to a place they had only heard of, not knowing what to expect. We served through downpours, almost constant rain and threats of mudslides…mudslides were happening all over the country and causing multiple deaths. We served near livestock, diseased animals and were constantly surrounded by their waste. We worked through the language barrier without an official translator and had plenty of misunderstandings. We were broken in ways that we never have been before.

Some call it (a mission trip) a sacrifice. Surely paying the expense, leaving your family behind, going to a known dangerous country, working in a tiny unknown village in conditions that are less than desirable is a sacrifice, isn’t it?

But it is no sacrifice at all.

It is not a sacrifice to hold filthy hands and kiss dirty cheeks. It isn’t a sacrifice to go back to the base at the end of the day with wet shoes and socks. It isn’t a sacrifice to play soccer in the the rain, regardless of how many disgusting things are around. It isn’t a sacrifice to be able to communicate only with a smile or a hug. And the list goes on and on. None of what we did was a sacrifice. It was a gift to us. We may have been used as a blessing, but I think we may have been blessed even more. We may have gone thinking that we would be sharing Christ with people in another part of the world, but He drew us closer to Him than ever. We may have prayed to be His hands and feet, but we saw Him in the eyes of many we met.

As we are cruising at 36,000 feet, my ears are filled with music that is causing my heart to overflow with thoughts of His goodness. I will forever want more of Him and will spend my life praying, “More of you, Lord, and less of me.” And maybe the song in my heart will always be…

“It’s all about you Jesus. And all this is for you, for your glory and your fame. It’s not about me, as if you should do things my way. You alone are God and I surrender to your ways." (Jesus Lover of My Soul)

Not all things went as I planned this week, but I am certain it went as He planned. I can’t wait to share all of the details.

Partnerships

2011-10-07T12:08:00.001-05:00

I cannot imagine one organization being able to fight poverty alone. There are so many things to consider and do when working to alleviate poverty and there is just no way one organization can do it alone, without the help from another. For us, we are still so new at this and to be honest, I know a little about some things, but there is a lot that I do not know so we have to ask other organizations that specialize in certain areas to help. No one can be an expert in everything.

We are getting a lot of help this trip from other organizations and we are so thankful.

For starters, our team comes from Istrouma Baptist Church in Baton Rouge, LA. This is an incredible group and I can’t wait to serve with them! Thank you Istrouma!!

Then where would we be without help with water filters? I know NOTHING about dealing with water other than if it’s contaminated, don’t drink it. And it is contaminated, so people need filters. So again we turn to our partners at HELPS International. We will continue working with them to provide stoves for everyone in Pueblo Nuevo.

We are blessed to have been in contact with Faith Comes By Hearing over the last couple of months and thanks to one of their ministry programs we received two Proclaimers (self or solar charging audio Bibles) in Spanish to be used by listening groups in Pueblo Nuevo. These Proclaimers can be heard by hundreds of people at a time and will be a huge resource in helping villagers hear the message of Christ and come to know Him.

And it isn’t definite yet, but we are working with WINGS to coordinate their help with a family planning clinic for this trip and possibly cervical cancer screenings in the coming months.

The more I do this the more I realize that unless people are connected to each other, we will never move forward. We would be unable to do any of this trip, other than children’s ministry, without the help of these organizations. Thanks to each of them for being involved in the lives of the people of Pueblo Nuevo!

Clean Water for Everyone!

2011-10-05T10:57:00.001-05:00

Last September, after arriving home from Guatemala disgusted by the contaminated water situation, I posted this.

I ended that post saying, “It will cost an estimated $10,000 to provide every family in Pueblo Nuevo with a water filter. I have never been one to dream small. It is my personal prayer that every person has access to CLEAN water by the end of 2011.”

With every thing else we were and are committed to in this village, it was my hope that in just over a year every single person living there would have access to clean water. Did I believe it was possible? Yes. Did I think it would happen? No.

But our God is so much bigger than my doubts.

By the end of December, every family in Pueblo Nuevo that wants a water filter will have one. The Lord has provided in such an amazing way for this and it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Oh me of little faith. Why would I think this would be a challenge? He overcame the grave. Making sure everyone in a small Guatemalan village has clean water is nothing for Him!

With the help of individual donors (from those that donated one filter to the one that donated 100) and Istrouma Baptist Church in Baton Rouge, LA, we will be distributing filters weekly, beginning next week, until everyone has one. Along with that, each family will attend a hygiene class and hear the message of Christ.

Because of this we can now begin our stove project. One stove will be installed next week and more information will be provided when we return. These clean burning stoves will not only eliminate illnesses, but also help with job creation as women become better able to cook and sell their foods. Clarita, for instance, will be able to start the tamale business she has been dreaming of and produce more tamales than she does over her open fire. She is just one example of a soon-to-be new business owner in Pueblo Nuevo all because she will have a stove.

I don’t even know how to end a post like this. As I am sitting here overwhelmed in Starbucks, what I want to do is jump up and down and let everyone know how great God is and tell them all about this village that is getting clean water and new stoves, learning how to take care of themselves through hygiene and preventative health classes and creating new jobs and providing for themselves (by God’s provision for them) without getting handouts of trial sized hygiene products, clothes, shoes and toys. I want to tell everyone how happy they are when they receive something that is life changing versus receiving that thing that won’t last a month and how much dignity they have when they do something for themselves versus us doing it for them. What I want to do is tell the world how it is all being done while men, women and children are learning about Jesus and how they are coming to know Him. And I want to tell everyone that says, “You’re doing great things,” that I’m not. It isn’t me. I’m just the one that mentions this village and asks people to help. He’s the one that moves hearts and changes lives and molds us all, both those of us here in the U.S. and our friends in Guatemala, into what He created us to be. His. I will never cease to be amazed by the work of His hand.

Four Years

2011-10-02T22:43:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is such a special day for our family. It doesn’t seem like it has been four years since we brought our son home from Guatemala. Celebrating our fourth Family Day day this year includes a family photo shoot, gifts, dinner and dessert that Tommy picked out (tacos and a cookie cake) and a trip to the fair the next day. Family Days are as important to us as birthdays. We waited a long time for days like this.

As special as tomorrow is, I can’t help but think back to four years ago tonight and how my heart overflowed with joy at the thought of bringing Tommy home the next day as I sat in my hotel room sobbing because I had to leave Guatemala. I’m not sure I have ever felt such a mix of emotions before or after. I remember packing our suitcases, glancing at his visa next to my passport, such a marvelous sight at the end of any international adoption, and the sound of his breathing as he peacefully slept. He had no idea what was going on…no idea that his mom had never been so close to being put back together even though she was falling apart at the same time. I talked to Danny and heard his excitement and nervousness as we discussed my schedule for the next day and I was excited, too, but I also remember telling him that I didn’t want to leave Guatemala. Not yet. Maybe never. I much preferred he just move to be with us. He must have thought I had lost my mind. In fact, I’m certain that is what he thought.

Once our bags were packed and waiting by the door in preparation for our very early flight the next morning, I sat down by the window overlooking a busy street with my prayer journal. I read back over a prayer I had written the month before. I told God that I knew there must be some reason He was keeping me there. I begged for His help in opening my eyes and my heart and asked to fall deeply in love with Guatemala if I had any kind of purpose there.

I did fall in love Guatemala and the night before I left, I prayed something much different.

“…I wanted to love Guatemala in a way that is unimaginable and as always, you answered. The love that I have for this country is greater than anything I will ever be explain. I do not want to leave and I can’t hide the fact that I’m disappointed about not being able to stay longer from you. But I’m still listening, still following. Give me the words to express the things you want me to say when I tell others about what is needed here; speak through me. I’m so afraid that as time passes I will lose this passion to return to Guatemala to help those that need you. Keep the passion burning inside of me just as intense as it now. Never let it die. My heart is still open, now more than ever. A piece of me will always be here. Please show me what to do next. I am still so confused…

Please also comfort me and as Guatemala fades into the distance, remind me that I will return because I feel like by leaving this place, I am losing a part of myself. Please, God, be near me because leaving Guatemala now, even with our son, is hard for me to do...”

I was so afraid that once I left Guatemala, that new love would quickly fade as I settled into my new routine as a mom in the U.S. And I wasn’t completely convinced that He would bring me back to Guatemala quickly, maybe even never. And it is true that as Guatemala faded into the distance the next day, I cried right along with our son…tears of sheer joy because our biggest dream was in my arms and on his way home and the most heart-wrenching pain…as if I were bring ripped away from something that was a part of me.

It’s almost funny to look back on it all now. Thank the Lord, I will be back in Guatemala next week. That passion didn’t die and it doesn’t burn now as it did then. It’s much stronger now than it was even that night. That teeny tiny baby is now a pre-schooler that is the light of our lives and desperately wants to go to Guatemala with me (he is staying in the U.S. this time). Being his mom is by far the sweetest gift and raising him well is the most important thing I’ve ever done and will ever do. And then there is this Guatemala ministry and what we’ll call a slowly growing international ministry. I couldn’t have dreamed what our lives would be like four years ago and I make no attempt to guess what they will be like four years from now. What a precious time we are living in!

Calling All Happy Meal Toys!

2011-09-26T21:42:00.011-05:00

Right now, I know of several shipments of rice and beans that are making their way from the U.S. to Mexico to be distributed to poor people (seriously...). Bibles are being distributed in a South American village to people that cannot even read and there is no one there willing or able to teach them how to read (you might as well give them toilet paper). More disposable diapers are being collected and will soon be shipped to Ethiopia in addition to those that are already there waiting to be distributed (yeah...because that is a real need) . And those are just a few of the things I've personally heard about in the last couple of weeks.

This is one of those posts. You know the ones. Where I say the same things I've been saying for years. The only difference is that with each post, I care a little less about who I am going to offend and a little more about those being hurt by these so-called good deeds.

I am far from where I should be on all of this. God knows I have made some serious mistakes along the way and there are bound to be plenty more. I'm back in Guatemala with a team in two weeks and there will no doubt be a time during that trip when I realize we've done something we probably shouldn't and will pray that it won't further damage or divide an already divided community. What I know is so minimal in comparison to many, but here is what I do know...

Mexico doesn't need our shipments of rice and beans. There is plenty of food there for everyone. Some people just can't afford to pay for it. Ethiopia doesn't need our disposable diapers. They aren't used when we aren't there and pollute an already polluted country. People that cannot read do not need Bibles full of words they do not understand. No explanation needed. Guatemala. Haiti. Ghana. Cambodia. Thailand. India. Colombia. Honduras. Uganda. And on and on and on....

The world doesn't need your hand-me-down, worn out shoes. It doesn't need the shirts in your closet that are too big or the pants in your kid's closet that are too small. It doesn't need your once a year food hand out and it doesn't need your child's happy meal toys.

What the world needs is your sacrifice, but not the kind of sacrifice you may think.

The world needs hope...the kind of hope that comes from Jesus alone. If the poorest person in the world had nothing, but hope in eternal life, he would have every thing. But I really don't think Jesus wants us to stop at sharing the Gospel. I believe with every thing in me that He wants to see His people rise up and be free from the injustice and oppression that is caused by poverty. What is needed to break those chains?

The world needs you to sacrifice your need to feel good about doing good through your simple handouts that require no sacrifice at all. If that didn't make sense, I'll make it a little more clear.

Donating your used stuff isn't a sacrifice. It may make you feel good to be doing something for the poor, but it is not a sacrifice. And that something you're doing isn't helping someone in need. It's hurting them. That something good is keeping them oppressed, keeping them in poverty, robbing them of whatever little dignity they may have left. But you keep cleaning out your closets and packing boxes and shipping them all over the world. For what? Just so you can feel good? So you can say you did something?

It's OK if you don't believe me. I'm just speaking from what I've seen first hand and that's just been in the last couple of years. I can only imagine what I will be saying years from now.

You know that old saying, "Something is better than nothing..."? It isn't true in every case.

Here's the question. Would you rather help people step out of poverty, live full lives and have no need for your help at all or would you rather see them stay in poverty so you can continue to send your yearly food basket and toy and blanket to them because that means you're doing something to help your fellow man?

In this case, nothing is so much better than something.

And one more thing, in case I haven't said enough already. Carefully consider the organizations your support. If you are a Christian and the organization(s) you support are not ACTIVELY sharing the Message of Christ, what hope are you really giving? There is nothing that can be given that is as important as the hope of eternal life. Nothing.

Apparently my tangent will never end. And until we all get on the same page...where educating, equipping and empowering those in the developing world is done more often than aid distribution, poverty and this orphan crisis that we find ourselves dealing with never will either.

Wrapped Up

2011-08-24T08:34:00.003-05:00

So, yesterday there was an earthquake in Virginia and Colorado. Am I the only one that was sick of hearing about it within 5 minutes after the one in VA happened? No one was killed. I haven't even heard reports of injuries. But the media spent the rest of the day talking about it and I woke up to even more coverage of it this morning. Between that, hearing non-stop about Gadhafi and STILL hearing about Casey Anthony, I'm just a little sick of what is deemed newsworthy in this country.

An earthquake that did little more than shake things up. What I want to tell people is to get an earthquake app and see how many earthquakes occur around the world every day. You would be surprised and this would end up seeming like no big deal. I won't touch the Gadhafi topic, but waking up to more news about Casey Anthony sent me reeling.

We are a country wrapped up in the wrong things.

Do you want to know what I think would have been newsworthy yesterday? It isn't as if I have never said it before, but since the news refuses to cover it on an ongoing basis I guess it's left up to advocates to keep shouting from the roof tops.

22,000 children alone died yesterday from poverty related issues...things like hunger and easily preventable diseases and illnesses. That is the equivalent to one every four seconds. Fifteen every minute. In 2010 there were 925 MILLION hungry people in the world. And the number is increasing, not decreasing.

That is what I call important, but I guess the media giants don't think it is glamorous enough or exciting enough to talk about it every day, probably because most people really do not care to think about it. It's just too big of a problem. If you can't fix it, just ignore it, right?

I do not deal well with the whole ignorance is bliss thing. In the 12 seconds that shook part of the U.S. yesterday afternoon, 48 children died. What is more sad than their deaths is the fact that every one of them probably could have been prevented.

If only we weren't so wrapped up in ourselves...

When Old Becomes New

2011-08-22T08:12:00.003-05:00

Being the music lover that I am, I've heard this a lot over the years and have never really liked it. It was just one of those songs that never really moved me. Until a few days ago. More about a conference I attended this weekend will come later, but for now this is what is playing over and over again in my mind. This song that has never spoken to me before is my prayer. With eyes closed and hands raised high I realized that it is the cry of my soul, my deepest longing. To give every thing I am for His kingdom's cause as I am walking from earth into eternity.

Heal my heart and make it clean.
Open up my eyes to the things unseen.
Show me how to love like You have loved me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
Every thing I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity.
(Hosanna)

Facebook readers can watch the video here.

What's Happening Now?

2011-08-17T07:50:00.002-05:00

We're getting ready for a mission trip, of course, and I am counting the days until I am back in Guatemala. Literally. 53 days to go. We will be in Guatemala October 10 - 15.

I know, I know...I say it every time. "This trip is going to be awesome!" Every time I get back, "The trip was incredible!" And I mean it. Every single time. So of course I have to say it again.

This trip is going to be incredibly awesome!! I cannot wait to serve the people that we love so much in Pueblo Nuevo with the team that is traveling from our church and because of the size of the team we will be able to accomplish so much while we are there.

So what are we going to do?

Distribute water filters. Lead children's ministry. Host a village wide party (fun & games for the kids, dinner for everyone in the village and presenting the message of Christ). Something super special just for the women in the village (more about that a little later...maybe even after the trip). Minister to families. Love our sweet friends in Guatemala. Behind the scenes I will be working on some possible job opportunities for women in Pueblo Nuevo and need to figure out some health care issues and talking to parents to figure out how we can better help them so they will allow their children to attend school. Basically, what we've done all along and what we continue to believe has to be done in order to get anything accomplished in the long run. Meeting basic physical needs (clean water!); meeting emotional needs (just loving), working with our ministry partners and families on long term solutions to alleviate poverty and above all sharing the love of Jesus with those that already know Him and those that do not.

Do you want to be a part of this even if you can't physically be there with us?

We need more water filters. No, we do not need them...families in Guatemala need them. We ask for your help on their behalf. Each filter costs $50 and provides an entire family with clean water. 10 gallons of clean water every day. Will you consider sponsoring one? Two? More? If you cannot sponsor a whole filter, will you consider contributing $25, $10, even $5 for one?

You can donate via PayPal on the sidebar or on our website. If you would like your donation to be used specifically for water filters, please indicate that during checkout.

Thank you for your support! We cannot wait to share this trip with you.

Are we really all that different?

2011-08-03T21:39:00.002-05:00

I will never understand how things can be so different yet so much the same.

I will never understand why one person gets to live her life in luxury while another struggles her entire life when both live the lives they do just because of where they were born.

And I will never understand why everyone doesn't "get it". Why is it so hard to make even the smallest sacrifice of your time, of your finances, of yourself? Why is it so hard to love someone you've never met, just because she lives a different life than you, in a far away place or even your own backyard? Why is it so hard to give to those that can never repay you? It isn't hard at all. But to us, the ones that have it all, we so often make it appear as though it is.

Are we really that selfish that we refuse to spend ourselves for the poor? Or do we just think that it's pointless to do anything since we are single handily unable to save the world?

We are moved to tears and slightly open our wallets when disaster strikes, but it often stops there. Once the media moves on to the next big story we forget that the suffering continues and we move on with our lives while they continue to try to rebuild theirs. And what about the stories that never make the news? There are so many. Every day. Everywhere. But they go unnoticed, unseen, forgotten, never known.

Until you step into their world you will never know. Just a glimpse is all you need to change your life forever. Just a moment is all the Lord requires to open your eyes to what you have been blind to. Once you see it, it cannot be ignored. You will never forget. And you are forced to act. To remain unmoved, unchanged, is to ignore the command given by Him. Love.

I still hear that I am too obsessed with Guatemala. Some are tired of hearing about it and others just think I've taken this too far when really we are far from where it is going. This wasn't my decision and today and every day I am overwhelmed with thankfulness that He did not just open my eyes, but He rocked me to the very center of my being and brought me to a place that I would be unable to escape. I am so thankful every day that He continues to work in my life, that He walks before me and beside me and directs my path and that He continues to break my heart for the most vulnerable people in the world. Just when I think He cannot grow my love anymore He proves me wrong again. The stirring and growing never stops and I pray it never will.

I miss Guatemala every day. I long to be there while working very hard to live and love right where I am. And I constantly count the days until I will return.

I have 68 days to go. October 10 is approaching quickly. A team from our home church is traveling and I am so excited to spend this time serving with them there. Maybe it's because time is moving quickly and registrations are coming in and I am working on trip details a lot this week that has my heart in a flutter of anticipation and my mind in a race. More so than usual. I am so excited about this trip, as always, and being able to deliver more water filters to families in Pueblo Nuevo. We are not giving up on making sure that EVERY family there has access to clean water and more importantly that every person there hears the message of Christ.

To escape the thought that we are all so different, but so much the same has come up in everything I've done the past of few days.

I walk down our gravel and oyster shell driveway in a pair of cheap, thin flip flops. The rocks and shells under my feet cause me to wince in discomfort and I wonder why I didn't wear one of my other pairs of shoes. Another pair out of many. The heat is unbearable for more than a few minutes and the humidity is suffocating. It isn't long before I return inside to the comfort of air conditioning and an intentional cool shower. Later I look through the pantry at all the options we have for dinner and do not have a craving for any of them so I get into my car and I drive to the store where I buy something else for dinner that is more pleasing to us for the night and stack up on snacks and fresh fruit and new socks and more Legos for the child that has become a small scale architect. As I leave the store those same feet wearing the same cheap flip flops hit the pavement one step at a time and I think...I wonder what she is doing right now? On the same earth, made by the same Creator, loved just as much by Him as I am. What is she doing? I make it home in time to throw dinner on our plates, eat and relax for a while before sending a precious little boy to bed. He sleeps in a real bed. In a house that has doors that are more than shower curtains. In a house that has a roof with no holes in it. In a house that isn't over run by rodents. He didn't go hungry today. Had he gotten sick, he would have been able to see a doctor immediately. He had nothing to do but play with an abundance of toys, do his learning activities, and be smothered all day with hugs and kisses. Once he was asleep I sat in silence. Again my thoughts returned to her.

In flip flops similar to mine, where did her feet walk today? The same as every day, I'm sure. She walked up and down hills, on concrete and dirt. Perhaps she made her way all the way down the mountain and back up again. The dirt covering her feet and legs is not enough to cover the proof that she is always up, always on her feet, always walking, always working. She does her best to feed her children and she tucks all of them into one bed at night. A bed made of one thin foam mattress on top of a dirt floor with a torn shower curtain as a makeshift door. I've only seen the mice during the day and they are quite at home there. I can only imagine their activity in the dark of night. If it rains tonight water will pour through the holes in her roof and the dirt will become mud. I wonder what she does as the children sleep. No doubt she continues her never ending work. I cannot adequately explain her life. There are no words to truly explain it. And she is just one of many that we have grown to love. She happens to be in a village in Guatemala that we know about. But all over Guatemala and all over the world the same story plays daily and for each one that lives it I am overwhelmed with love for them. Whether I know them or not.

I cannot change the world. I cannot change a country. I cannot change even one small village. But I believe that He can. And I believe that if we allow Him to use us, it isn't as hard as we may think. We aren't here to save. We are here to love. To love Him. To love each other. That includes everyone.

The God that created me, the One that created you, created every person that is suffering in the world right now, from the youngest orphan to the oldest widow and everyone in between. He created those that love Him and those that reject Him.

This country that we are blessed to have been born in is a very small part of the world He created. We all walk the same land. It may be in different countries, but it is the same Earth. So why do we act as if things are so different when we are really all the same? What makes us so much better than those that have never had a chance? What gives us the right to keep the blessings we have been given to ourselves? And what gives us the right to keep Him to ourselves?

In the end, there is no difference at all. We are all born the same. We take the same first breath. We spend our lives just trying to get through it. And then we die. Some will find themselves rejoicing in Heaven while others will spend eternity in hell. Regardless of where we are then, we will all be the same.

We don't have to wait until eternity to see that we really aren't all that different at all. And we don't have to wait until eternity to find out what we were supposed to be doing during our lives on Earth. If we claim to love Him, we must love each other. If we claim to be Christ followers, we must follow His example and be the most loving, most compassionate, most giving people we can possibly be. All we have to do is love and have hearts willing to follow Him anywhere. He will take care of the rest.

Visions Becoming Reality

2011-07-06T09:34:00.002-05:00

If only I had read this years ago. And even still I needed this today and every day.

From My Utmost for His Highest (Oswald Chambers)

We always have a vision of something before it actually becomes real to us. When we realize that the vision is real, but is not yet real in us, Satan comes to us with his temptations, and we are inclined to say that there is no point in even trying to continue. Instead of the vision becoming real to us, we have entered into a valley of humiliation.

Life is not as idle ore,
But iron dug from central gloom,
And battered by the shocks of doom
To shape and use.

God gives us a vision, and then He takes us down to the valley to batter us into the shape of that vision.

It is in the valley that so many of us give up and faint.

Every God-given vision will become real if we will only have patience.

Just think of the enormous amount of free time God has! He is never in a hurry. Yet we are always in such a frantic hurry. While still in the light of the glory of the vision, we go right out to do things, but the vision is not yet real in us.

God has to take us into the valley and put us through fires and floods to batter us into shape, until we get to the point where He can trust us with the reality of the vision. Ever since God gave us the vision, He has been at work. He is getting us into the shape of the goal He has for us, and yet over and over again we try to escape the Sculptor's hand in an effort to batter ourselves into the shape of our own goal.

The vision that God gives is not some unattainable castle in the sky, but a vision of what God wants you to be here.

Allow the Potter to put you on His wheel and whirl you around as He desires. Then as surely as God is God, and you are you, you will turn out as an exact likeness of the vision.

But don't lose heart in the process.

If you have ever had a vision from God, you may try as you will to be satisfied on a lower level, but God will never allow it.

(Isaiah 35:7 is quoted, but I can't bring myself to write just that after reading all of chapter 35, a chapter titled Joy of the Redeemed (NIV84). What a beautiful picture of redemption!)

Lord, help to me to see the valley for what it is and to remember that only in Your time and Your way and with Your guidance will this vision become reality.

From "Kind of..." to Seminary

2011-05-30T12:21:00.004-05:00

I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't believe in God. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't born a Christian (you can't be...it's a choice you have to make), I just don't remember a time when I didn't believe. But at eight years old I told Him that He could have my heart and a few weeks later I stood in water up to my chest with knees knocking as I looked out at a packed Sunday night service from the baptismal of a small church in south Mississippi. I remember nothing about being baptized other than my feelings right before and after as I stood, dripping, in a tiny dark changing room somewhere behind the sanctuary. I was so young. There was no possible way that I could fully grasp it (I still can't, can anyone?) and there was a lot that I had wrong and got wrong (and still do). I knew what had been done for the world, myself included. Jesus was my Savior and I was going to try to live a good life and obey all of the rules. Those 10 commandments shouldn't be too hard to keep, right? And keeping the Golden Rule should be a breeze.

I made it through the rest of elementary and middle school without too much trouble and except for that piece of candy I stole from the local drug store once (or twice), I had the commandments pretty much covered (and maybe that happened before my 3rd grade year..if so, we'll forget I ever mentioned it). Junior high wasn't easy, but I tried the best I could and I walked into high school a relatively good girl. For the most part I stayed that way, with the exception of weekend nights that usually included wine coolers and back roads with my bad influence boyfriend (hey Danny) and my new friend Mr. Marlboro Lights. I rarely opened my Bible (in fact, I think it went untouched for years), prayed only when something was going wrong (which was often, so at least I was praying a lot though it was more like begging for what I thought needed to happen) and by then went to church only when I felt like it which was seldom. But I still tried to be good and I would have told anyone that I was a Christian if they asked. I was, just one that was sliding downhill rapidly without even realizing it because I had never fully gotten it. I loved hard and could make a list pages long of good things I did for others. I spent more hours volunteering at a nursing home, working with children that have special needs, helping young Girl Scouts and thinking up ways to help low income families in town than I did anything else. Doing good was good enough, or so I thought.

At 19 I found myself married to someone that was also a Christian though he was much further down that hill than I was and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't drag him back up to even my spot on the downward slope. So, for once, I truly turned to God for help. My new marriage was going to end before it had a chance to begin and we needed some kind of intervention. In walked religion.

Looking back, I am totally embarrassed by my behavior during those days. I became one of those people that gives Christianity a bad rap. I finally dusted off that Bible, read it cover to cover in less than a month and acted like I was a theologian because of it. I assumed the role of judgement passer. I went to church every Sunday out of requirement instead of desire and spent about 10 minutes of my day in "quiet time". I would never have even looked at one of those wine coolers and made sure those that did knew how wrong it was. I had new checks made with different Bible verses on them so everyone would know where we stood. I traded in loving hard and doing good for long nights of studying college algebra and the New Testament after long days at school and work. There just wasn't time to do it all. I don't understand how so many people can live that way their entire lives because it didn't take me long to crash. About a year and a half was all I could take. The only good that came of it was my marriage was on stronger ground, though it had nothing to do with me and my religiously obsessed self. Either God worked a miracle or we just started to grow up. All I was during that time was a modern day Pharisee and one with little knowledge at that.

From one extreme to the other, I put the Bible back on the shelf, skipped a few Sundays here and there which led to skipping months at a time because it was my only day to sleep late and the list goes on and on.

I even answered, "Kind of...," when someone asked me if I was a Christian once. It was an all out Peter moment. Kind of? As soon as the words came out of my mouth I regretted them, but didn't try to take them back. Had I known the guy asking was a pastor, he would have gotten a different response for sure. Who was I? I didn't know myself and while I knew of God, I didn't know Him. I said I trusted Him, but I didn't.

By this time my only prayer was for a baby and I wasn't getting what I wanted. As if God were a genie in a bottle I made my wish known all day every day and when that wish wasn't granted, I threw the bottle against the wall and turned my back on it.

But somehow, someway, He kept sneaking back in (actually, I never think He left), slowly chipping away at the heart that had turned to stone and one day He shattered it. The pieces fell at His feet and I crumbled with them.

Knowing that Jesus died for everyone in the world is great, but do you know that He did it just for you? Do you know that "For God so loved the world" means He loves you specifically? You! ME!

Me? It wasn't until I fell in love with a child that was years from becoming ours that I was able to take His love personally and now I know that if you do not take it personally you will never begin to understand what it is like to know Him.

That is when trying to follow the rules of religion turned into a relationship with Jesus.

It took a while for it to really begin to grow (it will never stop growing) and we went through a lot together (still do and always will). Sometimes I'm surprised that the tears I cried didn't drown the seed. I have never been so mad at God as I was after I began to take His love for me personally. I mean seriously...why would He make me deal with illness and infertility and lost adoption paperwork and getting stuck in Guatemala by myself with a baby because the US wouldn't issue our pink slip to take him home? And how could He look at me during all of those years of extreme drama in my life and still call me to what He has?

I have been Danny's wife for almost 13 years now and Tommy's mom for 4. Along with that, God called me to a life of international missions, working to alleviate poverty in an effort to prevent children from becoming orphans. I thought that would be it. Isn't it enough? But He has more in mind and even though I resisted it for a long time I'm giving in now and can't wait to start the journey.

Still a wife and a mom and the director of our ministry that continues to evolve, change and grow and someone that will still travel to Guatemala frequently (possibly more often than I do now) and all the while feeling the tug on my heart to Cambodia grow stronger by the day, I am also getting copies of old transcripts and exploring scholarships as I prepare to step into the role of a full time seminary student. I will begin in January. My first goal will be to receive a BA in Christian Ministry and will then work to get a MA in Missiology. I am excited and nervous, but this researcher and writer by nature is ready to get started. I have a feeling that I am going to love being in seminary despite the challenges it will bring to every aspect of our lives and I cannot wait to see what He has planned for all of this.

Finally I feel like I am in the right place. I haven't "arrived" and never will. There is always more to learn and never will I know Him to the extent of what He is. And even though I get a little closer to Him every day, I can never be close enough this side of heaven. I mess up a lot, much more than I want to admit. Oh how I mess up. I am no super Christian and I will forever wonder why He would allow someone like me, with my many quirks and flaws, to have the privilege of living the life He has called me to. And as long as I am on this side of heaven I will always wonder why He loves me (and the rest of us) so much that He freely extends such grace and mercy when I certainly do not deserve it. But here's the thing and this is what is so different about a relationship with Jesus v. simply following the rules of a religion...

He truly has my heart. He is not just a part of my life; He IS my life. I am deeply, passionately in love with Jesus and am willing to do whatever it takes to follow Him. For now that means taking care of my family, telling His story, caring for those He loves in Guatemala, advocating for the most vulnerable children and families in the world and now on to seminary. Because He loves me so I am able to love others beyond the way I could humanly love and feel no desire to try to take on His job of judge. I am better because of Him. Without Him I am nothing. Without Him I can do nothing. During all of the times when I have to turn to Him and say again, for the millionth time, "Forgive me," He does without blinking and I can so clearly hear Him say, "My grace is sufficient," in those moments when I start to believe that I am too weak to handle it all.

I have gone from being a "kind of Christian" to a sold out follower of Christ. I never had any intention of it going this far. I'm glad He did though. After all, you're either hot or cold...a fan or a follower...a Christian or not...there is no in between even though I spent a long time living like there was. I'm glad His plans are better than mine because if you would have asked me years ago if I had any desire to go to seminary, I probably would have laughed in your face. And forget heading up an organization...not one like this anyway. If I did direct one, I wanted to be building orphanages. I just wanted to adopt kids and go on a mission trip sometimes and spend all of my time being a soccer mom. I imagine He spent a lot of time laughing, too, while I made my plans for life that didn't include much of Him. He knew all of this was coming.

"Yes, but...!"

2011-05-30T09:21:00.002-05:00

I just can't get away from it. Not that I'm trying to, but if I were it would be impossible to escape it. We are currently studying the book of Luke in our Sunday morning ABF class. I just finished Not a Fan a few days ago (oh my word...read the book folks...it's good...). We are halfway through the study of Paul's life and ministry in our weekly women's Bible study. There is a common theme in all of it. Say yes and go. Why am I not shocked that this morning's devotional would be any different?

From My Utmost for His Highest - May 30 (Oswald Chambers)

"Lord, I will follow You, but..." (Luke 9:61)

"Suppose God tells you to do something that is an enormous test of your common sense, totally going against it. What will you do? Will you hold back? If you get into the habit of doing something physically, you will do it every time you are tested until you break the habit through sheer determination. And the same is true spiritually. Again and again you will come right up to what Jesus wants, but every time you will turn back at the true point of testing, until you are determined to abandon yourself to God in total surrender. Yet we tend to say, "Yes, but - suppose I do obey God in this matter, what about...?" Or we say, "Yes, I will obey God if what He asks of me doesn't go against my common sense, but don't ask me to take a step in the dark."

Jesus Christ demands the same unrestrained, adventurous spirit in those who have placed their trust in Him that the natural man exhibits. If a person is ever going to do anything worthwhile, there will be times when he must risk everything by his leap in the dark. In the spiritual realm, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold on to or believe through common sense, and leap by faith into what He says. Once you obey, you will immediately find that what He says is as solidly consistent as common sense.

By the test of common sense, Jesus Christ's statements may seem mad, but when you test them by the trial of faith, your findings will fill your spirit with the awesome fact that they are the very words of God, and when He brings you to a new opportunity of adventure, offering it to you, see that you take it. We act like pagans in a crisis - only one out of an entire crowd is daring enough to invest his faith in the character of God."

I can't count the number of times some have said, "God gives us common sense and you're not really using it right now..." And that's just said because I'm a mom that goes to Guatemala sometimes. Um, OK. I guess they're right. God did give us common sense, but sometimes He overrides that and says that we have to go against it. To be honest, I don't always rule out my common sense to follow Him because taking leaps of faith into the dark, no matter how many times you've done it before, is frightening and along with flying, I'm afraid of the dark.

I think it's time that we take the word "but" out of our vocabularies. I'll start....

Yes, Lord. Just yes. Whatever. Wherever. Whenever. No but.

Storms

2011-05-23T09:04:00.004-05:00

Rain pelleted the glass. Dark clouds raced overhead. I couldn't see the wind, but I knew it was there. "Surely this flight will be delayed," I thought, as I rested my head against the back of my seat. If there is anything a person that is scared of flying hates more than just flying, it is flying through a storm. The wheels began to turn and as I felt the plane begin to slowly make its way to the runway, I closed my eyes to pray. "Lord, please be with us in this storm." (Add a little bit of panic or a lot and those last minute silent, hidden freak-out prayers and you will have an accurate picture of what I look like on any given flight, especially stormy ones. You can't tell from the outside because it appears that I have it all together when flying, but if you could see underneath you would know that I am not at all internally calm in these situations. I'm trying to turn this fear over to Him. Really I am. I just haven't been all that successful at it yet.) When I felt us begin to race down the runway I opened my eyes so I could watch as we left the ground (kind of like a train wreck...you don't want to watch, but you just have to...the same with flying for me...I don't want to see how high we go or if we start to crash, but I can't help myself). I was still praying as we made our way quickly toward those dark clouds that I knew would cause my fingers to go numb because of how hard I would squeeze my arm rests through the turbulence. The plane began to bob and shake through the clouds. "I should have driven 12 hours to KY and 12 hours back." But then I would have missed it.

Have you ever gotten to the other side of a storm and seen the sun reflecting off of those clouds?

Have you ever flown above a storm and been able to see it underneath you?

For the rest of the flight it didn't matter that I was on a plane. I had no fear. How could I? When the presence of God surrounds you and fills you to overflowing, fear vanishes. And as the Holy Spirit begins to speak ever so quietly to your heart, there is nowhere else you would rather be.

In the air, high above one storm and flying around another that I could see right outside my tiny window, was the most incredible display. I have never seen the sun so vividly reflecting in so many places at once, bouncing off clouds and wing tips. I have never seen clouds look so eerie and so beautiful at the same time.

A long time ago the Lord began to stir my heart about something and ever since I have run away from it, giving what I thought were good, logical reasons to avoid it when really all I was doing was making excuses to try to get out of it. It wasn't that I didn't want to follow Him completely in the direction He was calling me to, but I was afraid and too busy and knew that it would be so, so hard to get through. I didn't tell anyone about it, not one single person, for a few reasons. One, I knew I would never go through with it, so why would I tell someone that I was intentionally avoiding Him? That would kind of look bad, wouldn't it? Two, I was praying through all of this time (really just trying to convince Him to change His mind), but I knew that those I could tell would be mostly one sided...either completely for or against it...and really all I needed was His opinion on this. I was already trying to avoid it so I didn't need anyone else telling me why I should ignore the call as well if this was really His will. In the end, while I was at the Summit, I realized that I could no longer ignore it, so I stopped running away from it, turned around and ran straight to Him, knowing that this would stir my life up in ways that I never imagined. If I thought I was busy before, this would blow my mind. If I thought I couldn't possibly add one more thing to my plate, this would prove that I could. And the storms that would come...oh the storms....

But on a short hour and a half flight, He made it so very clear that yes, storms will come. Sometimes He will lead me around them and I will be able to see them and praise Him for taking me the long way around. Sometimes He will lead me straight through them and I will praise Him for carrying me during those times. And always, always, no matter if we go around or through, He will be there the whole time and once I make it to the other side I will see the beauty of it all and know that He never lets go.

Life was made for living...living only for Him. And this life will soon get a lot crazier than we ever thought it would be (and no, this has nothing to do with adding more children to our family). I can't wait to see what storms will come, what storms we'll dodge and what He will ultimately do with this. For now I'm hanging on to Him for dear life because the ride after you say "YES" gets a lot bumpier...

Not a Fan

2011-05-18T08:10:00.003-05:00

"Faith is better understood when you see what it's like than when you hear what it's about."

That was the opening to the final session at the Summit and I think Kyle Idleman, a pastor at Southeast Christian Church and author of Not a Fan is right. It's hard to describe faith with our words, but living it is another story. But how do we live our faith out loud? We have to follow Jesus, of course. That's easy enough, right?

Let the quotes begin.

"If we are truly following Jesus, most of our stories won't be of comfort and convenience because taking up your cross daily is neither."

"Jesus puts us at a crossroad. We have to make a choice. We choose to be comfortable or we can follow Him."

"We live in a snuggie culture."

His went on to explain his laugh out loud statement.

We want to be comfortable. It's human nature. And even if we are already comfortably sitting on the couch, cozied up under a blanket, watching TV, remote in hand, if something else comes along to make us more comfortable, we want it. We want that blanket with arms that allows us to change the channel easier so we don't have to go through the discomfort of pulling our arm out from under the blanket to change the channel, messing up our comfortable position and having to get every thing just right again only to, sure enough, have to change the channel again a few minutes later. Along comes the snuggie. And we just have to have it. "We live in a snuggie culture."

"So what do we want? A snuggie or the cross?"

"Are we merely fans of Jesus or true followers?"

Do we walk around proclaiming one thing and living another? Are we standing on the sidelines cheering for Jesus and cheering on those that are actively carrying their cross while staying behind the lines and returning to comfort after they pass or are we in that line of followers?

In Luke 9: 57-62 we read about the cost of following Jesus. One man approached Him and said he would follow Him anywhere. Jesus basically tells the man that He is homeless. Apparently the guy didn't want to follow Him that far into anywhere. Jesus tells another man to follow Him. The man tells Him that he needs to go bury his father first. And another man that says he wants to follow Him wants to first go tell his family good-bye. Are the last two wrong for delaying Jesus? If we're honest, wouldn't we all want to go back to bury our fathers if needed and surely we would all want to tell our families good-bye, but when Jesus says "go" and we say "no" or "not yet, maybe later", that says a lot about which group we are in. If we say no or not yet when He is telling us the time is now, we are on the sidelines just cheering Him on and that is the wrong place to be. In His words, "No one....who looks back is fit for the service in the kingdom of God."

Idleman talked about how the growing orphan crisis is not something we can ignore.

"Someone once asked when he saw so much poverty and injustice, "Where are you God?" And then he realized that was the wrong question. The question should be...where are God's people?"

There are so many people involved in fighting poverty and injustice. There are so many caring for orphans and advocating on their behalf. But there is not enough.

"It isn't enough to be a check writer. It isn't enough to pray for those that go. It isn't enough to cry sometimes because you've been moved by something. If you aren't actively living it out, it's time to re-evaluate our life and ask, "Are you just a fan or a follower of Jesus?"

That leaves so many of us, myself included, in a pretty scary place. I claim to be a follower, but so often I act like I'm just a fan.

Being a fan isn't good enough.

Being a servant, the get down and dirty servant, living out a life different than what we may have planned for ourselves, being uncomfortable more often than not...that's when you just scratch the surface of being a follower.

Along with a few other books from the Summit, Not a Fan sits on top of the stack waiting to be read. I kind of feel like it's glaring at me, but to be honest I'm afraid to open it. It's one of "those" books. But in the next few days I will jump in and I am sure I will be stirred.

I know that I will be reminded that Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve and if we are true followers, we will follow His lead.

Orphan Sunday

2011-05-17T07:34:00.002-05:00

Orphan Sunday is November 6th this year and it is not too early to start planning your event. While at the Summit, I committed to being a Louisiana State Coordinator and International Coordinator for Guatemala for Orphan Sunday.

So what does that mean?

It means that if you're one of those pastors that I know here in Louisiana, you can expect a call from me soon because we need to get as many churches involved in this as possible and the same goes for the pastors I know in Guatemala. I'll be getting in touch with others as well. And I may even be calling on some of my ministry friends in Mississippi to get something going. It also means if you are one of my friends here and have shown any interest whatsoever in orphan care or orphan prevention, I will be calling on you to help by spreading the word and possibly to help organize events at your church.

If you have any questions about Orphan Sunday or want to get involved, please contact me. Events can be as simple as recognizing the day in your church bulletin that day to as large as you want it to be. Whether you are in Louisiana, Guatemala or anywhere else, I would love to help you get started in organizing an event as churches and ministries from around the country and even the world join together that day to plead on behalf of orphans and vulnerable children.

When Helping Hurts...Again

2011-05-17T07:18:00.002-05:00

Yes, I am talking about it again. I'm not about to stop now.

Brian Fikkert, co-author of When Helping Hurts presented at the Summit both in breakout sessions and a general session. Shocked does not explain the word for me when I found out he would be there and the two people sitting on either side of me during his general session can attest to the fact that while he was speaking I was just a little happy and squirmy and had to really fight to keep myself seated. I guess that's just what happens when you talk about something for so long and people look at you like you're crazy and then finally, finally you get to a place where a lot of people of understand and those that don't probably want to and one of the people that helped give you the words to describe what you're talking about is up there saying it all again. Yeah, it was kind of an exciting night. I won't rehash the details of everything he said. Read this blog for a bit and you'll get the idea, but I will recommend again for those that have not read the book....read it.

OK, enough of that. I just had to take this opportunity to recommend it again.

Wisdom from Indigenous Leaders

2011-05-16T10:14:00.004-05:00

If you disagree at all with my last post, you will certainly have a problem with this one. My session at the Summit with indigenous leaders from around the world made me want to jump up and shout "Amen!" just as much as it made me squirm in my seat and want to crawl under the table. To say that I appreciate their honesty would say too little. We all need to hear the truth of how we are perceived when we go into other countries and we all need to know the truth about how the leaders of those countries view us and our efforts. For church and ministry leaders that have never heard any thing like this before, it's a hard pill to swallow, but if we want to help, we have to listen. There is no way to sugar coat this Q&A session.

When asked how we appear to church leaders and the local people before true relationships and partnerships are formed we were told,

"You appear arrogant and unbiblical." (This is the super short version of a rather long explanation of how awful we often appear because even though it is not usually our intent to appear as though we are trying to be saviors, we so often do when we refuse listen to the indigenous people and their ideas and instead go in with our plans to save them.)

When asked what local church leaders would want us to do and not do in their communities we were told,

"Empower us and encourage us. Do not try to fix us. Do not do things for us that we are capable of doing for ourselves if only we had a little help. Do not walk in front of us, but walk with us. Become our friends first. Build trusting relationships that will last. Work with the local churches because after you are gone we are what remains."

The question was asked, are orphans the problem or a symptom of a bigger problem?

"Orphans are a symptom of a bigger problem."

What is the problem and what should be done to solve it?

As much as my heart is in the prevention of orphans, the answers that came for this question were difficult for even me to hear and process.

"Orphans are a symptom of poverty which creates so many other symptoms as well. Sometimes you have to overlook the symptom to get to the causing factor. You cannot solve the problem until you get to the root of it. If you go to a doctor and complain of a toothache, he can give you medicine to make your pain go away for a while, but that doesn't fix the problem that caused the ache. Until the tooth is fixed, the ache will continue to return. It would be best to fix the tooth first so there will be less pain in the present and the future. We do not want to put a band-aid on this. We have to address the causing factor of the symptom."

Ouch! I would love to hear your opinions about that.

Finally, the leaders were asked what they want us to remember.

"Our children are not projects. We are not projects. We are people, human beings, created in the image of God, just as you are. We do not need to fixed, but we do need to be encouraged and supported by you as you help us help our countries."

I wish that I could type word for word every thing that was said in this session because from each leader came such wise advice on how we should and should not handle ourselves in their countries, what we should and should not do. This session will forever be one of those that remains invaluable to me.

Is Adoption Making a Dent in the Orphan Crisis?

2011-05-16T08:11:00.002-05:00

Florence Muindi, International Director and President of Life in Abundance, spoke during the first general session of the Summit. Her message was simple and oh how I love being in a room with someone (or in this case so many) that have the same thoughts as I do about the orphan crisis and where we went wrong when we were honestly trying to help.

We had just heard that in the last decade, the number of orphans has doubled and now, depending on who you talk to, that number is somewhere between 140 million and 160 million children that are classified as orphans because they have lost one or both parents. (It really stings to give the official definition of an orphan because it means so many of our children in Pueblo Nuevo are considered to be orphans because they are fatherless.) Does that bother anyone else? That in just 10 years the number of orphans has DOUBLED? Does it make you wonder why and what can be done about so that it doesn't double again over the next decade?

Florence Muindi's message was right on. She spoke of how we must lift up the local church. We must empower and help restore the dignity that has been lost. We must work on curing the orphan crisis and the only way to do that is through preventing children from becoming orphans in the first place. She said that we must lead those we work with to a dependency on God alone, not dependency on us. "We are called to the ministry of redemption," she said, "and we must keep the local church at the center."

Mind spinning not believing what I was hearing in the opening session of this Summit and trying hard to keep my seat and my mouth closed because I was overflowing with joy and excitement about what was being said to our group of 1300+ and feeling OK about what I was thinking.

Is adoption even making a dent in the orphan crisis? No. Obviously not. If the number of orphans has doubled in the last 10 years, that proves that it is not.

Is building more orphanages a good response to the crisis? No. Again, the number continues to grow even with the building of new orphanages.

There are children that need to be adopted and should be, but let's face it, in that large number of 140 to 160 million, most of those children are not even eligible for adoption. Most of those children have not even lost both parents. Most are still living with one of their parents or other family members. There is absolutely no reason that these children should be adopted. Feel free to debate this. So many believe that is better to remove children from their poor situations by adopting them and bringing them to the U.S. than to help create better situations for them in their home countries with their families. Adoption has it's place and if a child is truly without parents, without any family, without a community and church to care for them properly, then yes, he should be adopted. But still, it doesn't make a dent in the crisis.

And orphanages. I always think of the movie Field of Dreams when I hear of a new orphanage being built. "If you build it, they will come." It doesn't matter how many orphanages are built in countries all over the world. Every one of them would fill up in a short amount of time. Whether it is with true orphans, children that have been removed from their parents due to abuse or children that are not orphans and not abused, but their parents just cannot afford to care for them, they will all fill to capacity. It's just a matter of time. Does that help slow the increase of orphans? No. Orphanages do serve an incredible purpose (if they are truly serving the orphan, not causing them more harm as some do) and there is a need for a large number of orphanages in the world.

Some are called to adopt. Some are called to build and work in orphanages. I believe that with everything in me. But while we are called to things, we must be aware that neither of those is slowing the orphan crisis and there is something that we can do about it.

Prevention. If we truly care about orphans, it is the only option. There is not just one way to go about it, but it is the only way to stop that number from doubling again.

Christian Alliance for Orphans - Summit VII

2011-05-16T07:52:00.002-05:00

The Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit was held last week in Louisville, KY and I was blown away by it. I attended the Summit a couple of years ago and while I was also moved beyond words then, this one was much different and there will be an explosion of blog posts about it here because I just cannot keep to myself some of the things that truly shook me to the core. This year was different for me because it seemed much broader. In addition to adoption and orphan care, there was a great deal of focus on orphan prevention through poverty alleviation and you know that that thrilled me. Great connections were made, I finally met people that I've been talking to through email and by phone for years, learned a lot that will be beneficial to the ministry of AAB and was refreshed through the renewing of passion for the fatherless.

The first day of the Summit, in the opening general session, I knew it was going to be good.

"What started as pity has now become compassion," was one of the first things said during the opening prayer.

Oh how true that is and thank you, Lord, for changing our hearts so that we no longer pity the poor, the orphan, but have true compassion instead.

The Cross

2011-04-22T07:39:00.003-05:00

Wondering what the call was about, I stepped outside during Bible study last night to find out. I have to admit that occasionally, or more often than that, when my phone rings and that familiar number reveals the caller I wonder...is this good news or bad? I listened and responded through all that needed to be said and then heard the sweetest news. With squeals of delight I said adios and hung up the phone. Barely able to contain my happiness, I ran inside and shared the awesome news.

More people in Pueblo Nuevo, some of the men that have been working on Carmen's rebuild, have accepted Jesus as their Savior.

Some may wonder if this is really a big deal or why it is such a big deal to me. It's not like some revival was taking place and thousands came to Christ in a night. You can't even compare it to December 2009 when so many children in Pueblo Nuevo made the same decision. People accept Him all the time and I do not even hear about every one in Pueblo Nuevo. But every one matters. It matters to me. More importantly, it matters to Him. And because of that I will rejoice every time I hear of one or two, a hundred or a thousand.

More than 2000 years ago as Jesus was mocked, spit on and tortured, both physically and emotionally, as the nails pierced His flesh and blood poured from His body, as the cross was lifted and He looked out to see those that had crucified Him and those that loved Him, He had something on His mind.

It wasn't meant only for the Jews and Gentiles of His day, that generation or the few that would follow.

His final breath, "It is finished..." was meant for all that had been and would come. The gift of His sacrifice was meant to be taken personally. Because it was for all of us.

It was for you.

It was for me.

It was for a couple of men that live in a small village in Guatemala.

May we all remember today that the price that was paid for us so long ago was one we never could have paid for ourselves and may we each take it so personally that we have no option but to share it with others.

Clean Water Arrives in Pueblo Nuevo

2011-04-12T10:26:00.007-05:00

I first wrote about the water situation in Pueblo Nuevo here last year. We always knew that the situation was bad, but after finding out the facts we could not delay our water filter program any longer. Providing a water filter for every family living in Pueblo Nuevo has become our top priority in addition to children's ministry and will remain our focus until every person in Pueblo Nuevo has access to clean water.

Each filter costs $50. If you are interested in providing a family with clean water, please visit our website and donate online.

Helps International is the organization we are working with to provide families with clean water. Helps has been actively making these filters since 1984.

A Helps International representative teaching us to assemble and work the filters and giving a lesson on the importance of clean water and good hygiene. Marco teaching how to assemble filters. "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." John 7:38

Marco teaching about Living Water to those receiving filters.

Just a handful of families that received filters. Twenty families in Pueblo Nuevo now have clean water. Approximately 180 families still need filters.

Amigas

2011-04-12T09:23:00.004-05:00

I think I've written here once or twice about how statistics, even though I am quick to use them, bother me and how important to me it is to put names with faces to personalize the plight of the poor and oppressed. I know off of the blog I talk about it often. And then I get to Guatemala again and I realize that yes, it is so very important to put names to those faces in pictures that we all see on websites and commercials, but it isn't until you put hearts with them, both ours and those in the photos, that it really all comes together. Adequately describing our developing friendships with women in Pueblo Nuevo is not something that I am able to describe. Carolyn, perhaps you should write a guest post to help me out.

The relationships that are forming and those that continue to grow are precious to me. Each trip brings about a new friendship and each ends with relationships that have been strengthened. I so love the children of Guatemala, especially the children of Pueblo Nuevo, and I always thought that it would be the children that would hold the biggest part of my heart in ministry. But their mothers now hold an equally large part of my heart. There are so many women in Pueblo Nuevo that we are blessed to be getting to know, to hug, to pray with, to love, but these three in the pictures below are so very special to me. I truly cannot express what they mean to me.

Tina and Carmen. (Wonderful cooks, by the way...the Guatemalan version of chow mein that they served to us for lunch was delicious!)

Marta. It wasn't until the last two trips that we began to form a friendship with Marta, but this sweet woman means a lot to us. Sadly, just a few days after we left, her husband died. Marta is now a widow and more children in Pueblo Nuevo are fatherless.

Tina, age 39. She is the mother of 5. She and her children were among the first to truly accept us. Tina is always smiling and full of spunk.

And of course, my friend Carmen. I will never forget this picture. She felt like she was not appropriately dressed in the picture we had taken earlier that day so she requested this one be taken. I first wrote about Carmen specifically last May here. I didn't know what it was about her that made me feel so connected to her and I still do not know what it is.

Maybe it is because we are both the same age.

Maybe it's because she shows more affection to children than most mothers in Guatemala and I love that about her.

Maybe it's because she has lost 4 children in 2 years, mostly recently just two weeks before we arrive last month.

Maybe it's because she so desperately wants another child in addition to the two she already has and has been unable to carry another, each pregnancy risking her own life. And I know what it is like to want a child and not be able to have one.

Or maybe it is all of this and so much more.

I knew when I was with Carmen in August of last year that we were certainly forming a bond that I would never have the words to explain and our time with Carmen last month was reassurance of that. This 32 year old woman that lives a very different life in a very different world than I do is so much more than a statistic. She is more than just a name to a face. She is a woman with a story. She is a woman with faith so strong that it makes mine look almost non-existent. She is perhaps the most loving, most humble person I have ever met. She makes me wish that we were neighbors. More than that, she makes me think about eternity and how incredible it will be one day when I get to spend eternity worshipping God in heaven with these people that He has used to change me.

I talk about her a lot now here on the blog and in every day life. I love my friends intensely, wherever they are. And she is one of them.

Rebuilding

2011-04-12T08:55:00.003-05:00

The damage from Tropical Storm Agatha that hit Guatemala last year and the devastating rainy season that caused massive mudslides throughout the country still effect many in Guatemala including some families in Pueblo Nuevo. Carmen's family had the most extensive damage and her home repair was scheduled to be complete during our December trip. Unfortunately, because we had to cancel that trip, the repairs have been delayed until now. Because she, like so many in Guatemala, lives literally on the side of a mountain, repair is not really an option. A total rebuild is necessary, but before that we had to figure out how to keep this type of damage from happening again. Obviously those living in Guatemala and contractors that do this for a living know more about how to build on mountains than we do. It is expensive to try to secure a home in areas like this and most people are unable to afford the materials needed to keep their structures from sliding. Even with the best possible construction, the risk of losing homes in Pueblo Nuevo is still great so as always, we are praying that this coming rainy and hurricane season will not bring any damage, loss of homes or loss of lives in Pueblo Nuevo and the rest of Guatemala.

Marco working out the details and ordering the first supplies for Carmen's rebuild.

In order to try to keep Carmen's home safe during rainy seasons, a very strong retaining wall had to be built. The wall was built using small stones, concrete and steel. First delivery The retaining wall was finished last week. It took 3 men, a contractor and 2 helpers that live in Pueblo Nuevo, 3 weeks to complete it. We do not have photos of the finished wall, but Marco says that it is "beautiful" and was "excellently done". Men in the village are now leveling the ground to rebuild Carmen's kitchen. All of the work should be done in the next month, just in time for rainy season to begin. I can't wait to see the finished work next time we are in Guatemala.

Children's Ministry

2011-04-11T19:15:00.005-05:00

Children's ministry is an important part of the ministry of AAB. We cannot begin to express what a blessing it is to spend time with the children of Pueblo Nuevo each time we are there and it is a privilege to have watched them grow over the last two years, knowing that we will continue to watch them grow into adults. That is why children's ministry is so important. These children are the future of Pueblo Nuevo, of Guatemala, of the world. They are at the core of our ministry. Making sure that they do not become orphans, that they are cared for, that they grow into adults that are able to care for their own families and, above all, that they come to know Christ as their Savior is our prayer and our priority.

As always, greeting the children as they arrive and talking to them as they wait for their lesson and activities to start is fun... We are so impressed with Marco and Ledy's commitment to the children of Pueblo Nuevo. They lead children's ministry three afternoons a week in addition to their weekly prayer meetings, adult ministries and Sunday services. This is their first priority, second to their full time jobs outside of the church. Marco is a carpenter. Ledy is a Spanish tutor.

Most of the older children were able to recite their memory work for the week. They do not memorize just one or two short verses at a time. Instead they memorize long passages of scripture. This week's scripture memory was from John 3.

"Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:18-21

I can hardly look at this child while he prays without crying. Every time I see this tears well up in my eyes. He was one of the many children that raised his hand and made his way to the front in December 2009 when asked if anyone wanted to ask Jesus to come live in their heart. For a while there was nothing different about him. He was just another child in Pueblo Nuevo that we loved simply because he was there. More than a year ago as he prayed, asking Jesus into his heart, I could have melted into a puddle because this is the exact sight I saw. His prayer was so intense and as he prayed I prayed that it was real...that he hadn't come just because some of his friends had and that he would grow in his faith every day. Every time I'm in Guatemala I get to see this again. The same intense, sincere prayer of a child. Faith that is growing daily. The picture of child-like faith.

Once praise and worship, the lesson and prayer time is over, it's time for activities and dinner. This time we planned games and challenges for the children. The jump rope and bubble blow contests were hits. Many children won jump ropes and bubble gum and each child left, after dinner, with goody bags of candy and fruit snacks.

2011-04-07T09:21:00.003-05:00

I can't think of a title for this post because there is no way to sum up in a title what happened in Guatemala two weeks ago. I'm not sure if I can even sum it up in a blog post. Or two. Or three.

Here are the facts: We traveled to Guatemala a few weeks ago to distribute the first of many water filters, to work on some rebuilding from last year's mudslides and, as always, to do children's ministry. And that is what we physically did. But what happened during it all is what I cannot wrap up in a title or even one of my long winded blog posts.

Can I simply say that our time in Pueblo Nuevo was the most moving, most heart wrenching, most trust building, most loving, most incredible time in this village yet and have you understand what I mean? If I say that we have never felt more accepted, welcomed and loved there, would that make sense to those that have not experienced it? If I told you that I came back from Pueblo Nuevo even more in love with every single person there, from the friendliest of mothers to the homeless, drunk, witch that surely wants us to be cursed, would you believe me since I say that almost every time I return?

I so want those reading this to feel it and not just through my words on a computer screen. This has nothing to do with us. Of course I will write about and post pictures of the water filters and rebuilding projects and children's ministry, but there is so much more I wish others could see and feel beyond the physical side of a mission trip like this that you can only read about on a blog.

There is simply no way for me to describe the presence of God that is felt stronger with each step that you take up the side of a mountain into the uncertain and often times unknown. There is no way for me to describe how loud and clear the Holy Spirit speaks to remind us that THIS IS IT through the eyes of every child, through the smile of every mother, through the grasp of every hand. There is no way for me describe any of this, so for the first time I will not even try.

All I will say is that this trip began with high expectations and He far exceeded them. It ended with stronger, trusting relationships between us, our partners (Marco and Ledy) and many families in Pueblo Nuevo that until now have not been sure they should or could trust us. Every trip has been an incredible experience in some way and every trip's purpose has been served, but there was something about this trip that I will describe as being close to miraculous.

And even though that is the strangest ending to a blog post, that is where I have to end it because I have no other words to summarize this. Pictures and details will be posted soon...

Thoughts on Haiti

2011-03-02T10:37:00.004-06:00

A steaming cup of coffee sits on the table next me. A newly turned four year old busily plays with all of his new toys a room away. He sings a song that he recently learned in Disney World and has started talking this morning about Christmas already. The TV plays in the background. I would usually be interested in world news, but today I just don't care.

Forty eight hours ago I was catching my last glimpse of Haiti through the window of a plane. I am ashamed to admit that I was happy to watch it fade away, as if the more distance that grew between my feet and the ground would make any kind of difference in the raw emotion that had not so subtly overtaken me.

I spent only 5 days in Haiti. A team of 17 people went there for one reason...to love orphans. I knew long before I arrived that the trip would be difficult for me. I knew what we would be doing. Puppet shows with the message of God's love, playing soccer, face painting, crafts and lots of hugs and hand holding. I was excited to be able to spend time with orphans in Haiti, but dreaded what just being there would do to me.

I expected to see devastation. I expected to see poverty on a scale much greater than I am used to in Guatemala. I expected to be disturbed and thought I was prepared for it. But the news is only photos and videos and the opinion of others and tent cities look a little different when seen through the lens of a camera. I expected to come back unchanged because I was already broken for those suffering around the world. Instead I came back shattered and barely able to speak about it at all.

There is no way to prepare for this and unless you have seen it first hand you will never truly understand it.

We spent time in five orphanages, one of which our church is partnered with and I have no doubt that the growing relationship we have with the pastor there will continue to be strengthened and lives will be changed because of it. As an advocate for orphans I expected the time we spent with the children to be what effected me the most. It was not. I enjoyed the time we spent with them, but everyone that knows me knows that what gets me the most are those vulnerable families that are on the brink of falling apart. Those families with children that without some type of intervention they will end up in orphanages, on the streets or dead. Those that struggle to survive. I loved the children, but every moment I ached to get outside of the walls of the orphanages. But that was not the purpose of this trip and I tried to push the thought of what was going on on the outside out of my mind.

Still, I can't.

I had no idea that tent cities (that are everywhere you look) would make such an impact on me. Knowing what goes on every night makes it hard for me to think about it, yet I have no right to feel the way I do because no matter how bad I know things are, I still have no idea what it is really like for those living it. In so many ways Haiti is just like what we are used to seeing in Guatemala. People wander the streets just wasting time. Many are unemployed, have no education and no safe place to rest. So many do not know where their next meal will come from. They are vulnerable to whatever the next disaster will be. The government is so corrupt that so many have no chance of ever seeing the other side of poverty. I am used to seeing street vendors lined up with their goods to sell and trying to bite my tongue when outsiders bring in all of the things that they are selling when we could be providing them with income instead. Because truly, just like Guatemala, every thing you need can be purchased in Haiti. There is no need to ship shoes, clothes, hygiene products, soccer balls, you name it. Every thing is there, on the streets, waiting to be purchased by someone that is trying support his family.

The crime is not the same as in Guatemala. I do not believe Haiti is as dangerous as Guatemala. There are gangs in the city, but nothing in comparison to those in Guatemala City and throughout the country. There are drugs there, but again, nothing like in Guatemala. But still, risk is everywhere and things have the potential to go horribly wrong all over the world. Haiti is no exception.

But even with it's similarities and the fact that overall it, in some way, is less "risky" than Guatemala, it is experiencing a small part of hell on earth. No one deserves to live the way people are living in Haiti. What bothers me the most is that even though I have seen it, I have no desire to go back.

I've talked to those closest to me, those who have a heart for missions like mine, and I know they are right when they say that I should not feel bad about not feeling the need to return to Haiti to work now, maybe never again. Our call to Guatemala is for sure. My pull to Cambodia has never faded. Those two I am certain about. But why when I know the need is there do I not feel called to work in Haiti other than on an occasional mission trip there and maybe not even that? Because I cannot be everywhere and it is so obvious that I am not called to spend a lot of time in Haiti despite the desperation there. A while back I wrote No Conditions. Now I get it. I had no idea then that I would travel to Haiti, but the Lord knew and I am clinging to Him knowing that it is OK for me to be feeling the way I am today. My heart is broken for the people of Haiti and I believe, as much as I hate to say it, that no organization has the answer and none of us are able to fix what has been so horribly broken. Without the Haitian people rising up, nothing will ever change and until then all we can do is pray and support the pastors there in their ministry efforts.

It may sound as if I regret visiting Haiti. I do not and I never will. Being there opened my eyes so much more to the needs of the world. That is what I prayed would happen, I just didn't realize it would be so intense. I was privileged to worship with people that have been through so much more than any of us and have an unbelievable faith and to wash the feet of one of the moms that has dedicated her life to the children in one of the orphanages. I did not deserve to ride around Haiti in an air conditioned bus, taking pictures of earthquake damage, rubble still piled on the road sides and looking into the eyes of people that surely wondered why we were there. I was blessed to have the dirtiest little hands braid my hair and to hear the sounds of the sweetest voices in a language I am not familiar with.

And I came back more certain than ever. I still need to see other parts of the world, but for now I have caught just a glimpse of what must be the worst of the worst. I love orphans and believe we have to care for them, but making sure vulnerable children never end up orphans is where the biggest part of my heart is. That means working to alleviate poverty. For us, that means physically working in Guatemala for now and praying for those that are called to other parts of the world and the countries where their hearts are.

I'm not sure when I will get pictures posted, but will try to do it soon for those that have asked.

Thank you for your prayers while we were in Haiti. Please continue to pray for our team as we continue to process this trip. And please, never forget Haiti.

Haiti: A Year Later

2011-01-11T21:58:00.002-06:00

January 12, 2010. I sat on my couch with tear filled eyes, unable to believe what I was seeing as images of horror began to flicker across every news station. A small country already in turmoil shaken so violently that we all knew. Thousands upon thousands of lives had been lost. Families already living in extreme poverty had no where to go. Already overflowing orphanages had fallen with the infrastructure. And in the blink of an eye, more children became orphans. For days I sat there every chance I got, almost in a daze, obsessed with the information coming from Haiti. Not since the tsunami had I been so desperate to run into the disaster of a land unknown to me to do something, anything, to help.

As the weeks passed we wanted to find a way to help. Other than financially supporting our favorite organizations that were sending emergency relief to Haiti, we also wanted to be hands on and prayed for a way. We thought maybe even AAB could play a small role in the lives of Haitian orphans following this disaster. But it wasn't to be.

Through the year my heart has remained heavy for those still suffering in Haiti.

January 11, 2011. The night before "A Year Ago Today..." plays out in the media tomorrow, I sit here preparing that still heavy heart for my trip to Haiti.

On Feb. 24 I will travel to Haiti on a mission trip with our church and Global Orphan Project. We will be working with children in the Leogane village and children living in other orphanages throughout the area.

This is not an AAB trip, but it will be beneficial to the operation of AAB.

I am so excited about being led on a mission trip outside of Guatemala by people far more experienced than me. I have never been on an international mission trip outside of Guatemala and I have never been on a mission trip where I wasn't the team leader. It feels a little strange to be six weeks from traveling and having nothing to do but wait, pack and meet the rest of our team at the airport. This is going to be interesting and I'm pretty sure...amazing.

I can't wait to be filled with more knowledge. Seeing extreme poverty in another country first hand and spending time with these children while learning from more experienced directors and ministry leaders will help us be more effective in Guatemala.

More than that, I can't wait to wrap my arms around the precious children of Haiti. A year later.

What it Means to Love

2011-01-04T22:16:00.004-06:00

We are on day four of the new year and already this year is shaping up to be much different than the last. As I was driving home this evening I heard a song that I haven't heard in a while. If you've ever read more than a post or two here, you know how much I love music and how it moves me, even songs I may have heard a hundred times before and know by heart.

And so it was today.

"Now I no longer live for myself. Your words are so clear. Help me live it loud enough so they can hear. How could I go back to life as usual? How could I return to who I once was? I just want to take your story to the world 'cause you have shown me what it means to love."

As I listened it was almost as if it was written from my life, through the changes that have come over the last few years and how I desperately want to take this love that comes from Him and live it loudly because there is no way that I could go back to what I was before my eyes were opened to what true need is and before my heart was opened wide enough to really love.

2011 is going to be a very different year. It starts next month with a mission trip that will bring a new country stamp other than Guatemala to my passport and then what I expect to be an exciting and amazing Guatemala mission trip just two weeks later. My prayer...

"Lord, help me live it loud enough so they can hear..."

Facebook readers can view the video here.

No Resolutions...Just Choices

2011-01-01T09:22:00.004-06:00

I CHOOSE LOVE...

No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I CHOOSE JOY...

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptation to be cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I CHOOSE PEACE...

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I CHOOSE PATIENCE...

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.

I CHOOSE KINDNESS...

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I CHOOSE GOODNESS...

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness.

I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS...

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My husband will not question my love. And my child will never fear that his mother will not come home.

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS...

Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL...

I am a spiritual being...After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day (my year, my life). If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.

Max Lucado
When Love Whispers Your Name

Sweet Dreams

2010-12-21T09:13:00.002-06:00

For years I have dreamed almost nightly about Guatemala. The dreams were usually about people that I know there or children in general or just the country itself. With the exception of one recurring dream (that I haven't had in a long time) most were happy or sad, but never frightening. Those used to be my dreams.

For the last few months, maybe longer, I have had only nightmares. The only similarity to my old dreams is that they come frequently. Rarely have I seen the faces of people I know or have met in Guatemala. The children are never present. These are nightmares filled with horribly vivid violence. I am always alone in them (no team, no travel partner) and the only good thing I can say is that I always wake up right before I am killed. I wake up shaking and with a racing heart. For as long as they have been occurring I have been praying that they would stop. I longed for peaceful sleep. Sleep like I only experience when I am in Guatemala.

It came last night with the sweetest of dreams.

I assumed that we were in Guatemala, but we could have been anywhere I guess. There was so much that was familiar in the dream and so much that was not. We started out in a van traveling from the airport. We rode for hours before stopping at what appeared to be a jungle. I was confused when I asked the driver why we were stopping there. How would we get through? How would we know where to go? He took out his machete and told me that he would make a path and lead the way. He disappeared from sight and we could no longer hear him clearing a path. It looked like there would still be things in the way, obstacles to come, but we trusted him as we began walking.

There were three of us, me and two friends that are so precious to me. We knew our destination. It was many, many miles ahead. As we walked, we talked, laughed and cried. We rested, prayed and carried on. We looked forward to arriving at wherever we were going, but even with the obstacles we enjoyed the journey we had to take to get there. The path was winding and the end was far from sight, but we had such peace about the path we were walking that it didn't matter how long it would take to get there.

I woke up while we were still walking and laughing and breathed a sigh of relief. I woke up knowing that this was so much more than just a dream. It is my life, the way I want to live it. Stepping out into the unknown, trusting in the Lord's leading and His ability to clear the path and enjoying the journey, no matter what obstacles will come, with those that He allows me to walk with until we reach our final destination.

A better dream could not have come at a more perfect time than this.

No Conditions

2010-11-11T08:51:00.007-06:00

It has been so quiet here on the blog the last few weeks, but life has been zipping by at what seems to be a faster than normal pace. In just the last month we have prepared for and then postponed a major fundraiser, gone through shoulder surgery (Danny),celebrated a birthday (Danny again), spent much needed time together as a family (thanks to recovery time), rescheduled a Guate trip (more about that a little later), traveled to MS to speak on Orphan Sunday, tried to clean the house without total success, worked on water filter project plans, worked on everything else AAB, joined the Y, started one book and then another, celebrated our third Family Day, finished a Bible study, looked for a house closer to the city and then decided to stay put for a while longer, finally made the important pre-school decision and the list goes on and on. It never stops. I love the busyness of life, but with that busyness comes a mind that sometimes doesn't seem to be able to stop, not even for a moment. So often I find myself longing for a quiet, still mind and it never fails that during these times I think back to the occasions that I remember being just that. Quiet. Still. Restful. Sometimes I just want to stop..turn every thing off, shut it all down and be...still. I know that I long for moments like this because it is in those moments that I feel closer to God than ever. When moments like this come during my time in Guatemala (and they so often do because I intentionally make that time), it is even sweeter, if that is possible. So during all of the busyness over the last few weeks, I have also spent a lot of time reflecting on an evening in August.

On my last day in Guatemala in August, after visiting Hermano Pedro and another children's home, I walked into a very familiar hotel in Guatemala City with only one intention. To be still. I was originally scheduled on the earliest flight out the next day and arranged for a room at my favorite hotel to avoid an extremely early morning drive from Parramos to the airport. When my flight was changed to the afternoon, I kept my reservation because I felt like I needed that time. I remember telling a friend about the overwhelming feeling of needing to lock myself away and spend the night...just me and God. I spent weeks excited about this and throughout the entire trip, as awesome as it was, I continued to look forward to the stillness that was coming.

Once at the hotel, I had dinner at my favorite restaurant, picked up coffee and a pastry, made a few phone calls and chatted for a while with people that I love, took the longest, hottest shower of my life, put on the coziest PJs I own and crawled into a heavenly bed. For some that would have been the end of the night and so the case could have been for me and I would have declared it one of the most relaxing evenings ever. But I was there for so much more.

As I sat there I realized that what I had come for is what I was experiencing. There was absolutely nothing on my mind. It is rarely the case, but that night my mind was clear. There were no questions, no doubts. I had not gone there to spend time asking God for anything. There was nothing to ask for. I went to be still, knowing that I would feel His presence around me. I just wanted to worship Him. I wasn't expecting anything from Him. For once I wasn't even asking Him to speak to me. As I prayed, the words that escaped my lips were much different than they usually are. I did not ask for guidance or wisdom. I did not ask for clarity. I didn't ask for protection for me or my family and I did not even ask for forgiveness. I asked for nothing. Instead I just praised Him. His presence was so overwhelming that tears began to well in my eyes and quickly began to fall from them. It wasn't long before I was crying the most refreshing, cleansing cry. I can't explain it, but each tear that fell seemed to be the removal of something in me that needed to come out. I have no idea how long I sat there, praying and crying, but as suddenly as it started it ended with the most quiet whisper spoken to my soul.

"No conditions."

Sometimes the Lord speaks so quietly that if you are not paying attention, you may miss it. Other times He speaks so clearly that there is no denying it. That night, on a night when I did not expect to hear from Him, He spoke so clearly. There was no mistaking His voice. But I had no idea what He was talking about.

"No conditions? What does that mean?"

I began to think of so many miracles and things that a lot of people believe are unbelievable..."Let there be light," all of creation, from dust became man, water into wine, mud and saliva to sight, instant healing, walking on water, fish and loaves, God became man, the Cross, "He is risen!" In all of that, my thoughts were most heavily on the miracles of Jesus. People asked to be healed and they were healed. People didn't ask to be healed and He healed them anyway. If someone was hungry, He fed them. Thirsty? He gave them water. Unloved? He loved them. An outcast? He declared them friend. If there was a need, He met it. All the way to the Cross. He was despised by many, but poured out more love than this world had ever known. He didn't look away from the uncomfortable and unpleasant. No, He walked right up to whatever situation there was and with every step taught us what it means to serve and what it means to love. There is nothing He would have turned from. No need to great. No need too small. It didn't matter who you were or where you lived. It didn't matter what your religious beliefs were, if you didn't believe at all or if demons were involved. He walked into what was ugly and made it beautiful. Every time.

It became clear what He meant with the simple words "no conditions" though I couldn't fully grasp it until now and maybe not even still.

I admit it. There are times when I look at situations and think, "But things are so much worse (somewhere else)." There have been many times when I have questioned every thing from where we work in Guatemala to working in Guatemala altogether. Because aren't things "worse" in some other villages in Guatemala than the one AAB works in? And aren't things "worse" in some other countries than in Guatemala? These are questions that have brought confusion and doubt into my life more times than I want to think about. They are doubts that the enemy loves to stir.

Because what is "worse"?

Who has the worst life...the millionaire that lives in the U.S. and appears to have it all, but does not have hope in eternity because he does not know Christ or the poorest man in the world that has nothing and yet has everything because He trusts in the Lord?

It goes back to what I have always known AAB has to be. We have to meet physical needs and in every thing that we do, we have to share the love of Christ, making Him known wherever we are because there is no hope without Him. That is nothing new for us, but that night I was left with a new perspective.

Two years ago this month we announced that AAB would be officially "launched" early the next year. Two months later, we were rolling. Slowly, but we were on our way. Since then we have been turned upside down and inside out. I have never in my life experienced so much personal growth in such a short period of time and am thankful that growth continues. We started AAB not knowing anything about this and admittedly still have no idea how to do a lot of what needs to be done. Our feet have slipped, doubts have rocked us to the core, confusion has threatened to bring it all to an end. Through it all I have never felt closer to God and never have I heard His voice so clearly as I have over the past couple of years. That night He answered a question I had been asking Him for more than a year even though the question was far from my mind that night.

There are to be no conditions in serving. Not for AAB anyway. Never again am I to say, "but the need is so much worse in (name a country)." Because no, it's not. There may be more physical hunger in countries all over Africa and even in Guatemala. Three meals a week sounds like need to us, but it would be an answered prayer to some children. Rotting plywood walls, flooded dirt floors and almost non-existent tin roofs may be better shelter than tents in Haiti. Highly contaminated water is better than no water at all. Poverty in a developing country is poverty. There is no reason to compare it to another. Needs must be met. We are commanded to love and serve our brothers and sisters in Christ. If we know that one of our brothers or sisters is in need, we have to do whatever we can to help them. What better way than walking with them, helping them lift themselves out of poverty.

And then there are those that do not know Him. I can honestly say that years ago, way back when I dreamed of serving orphans and people in need, I never thought about this. Meeting physical needs was all I was concerned about. Isn't it amazing how He reaches in, wakes you up and makes His plan clear? It wouldn't matter if physical poverty were not an issue in Pueblo Nuevo. We would continue to go back. Because there are more people there than we first realized that do not know Him.

"No conditions." No matter how bad things appear. No matter what physical needs exist. No matter if someone is a Christian or not. No matter what anyone thinks or says. We have to follow Him. We have to do our best to do what He calls us to. And He calls us to do what He did. To walk into the ugly. To walk into the darkness. To fight for justice. To love the poor AND the rich. To meet physical AND spiritual needs. Whatever is needed. Above all, to bring His love to the nations. To make Him known. And it doesn't matter where.

After all, isn't that what He does for each of us? Loves us unconditionally? No matter what our needs are, no matter what we have done or haven't done, no matter where we live or the color of our skin? He has no conditions for loving us. Oh how thankful I am for such a love as this!

We love Guatemala. I cannot imagine God ever calling us to leave Guatemala completely. He may and if He does I will forever believe that His plans are better than ours, but with the heart we have for the people of Guatemala I cannot imagine that happening any time soon. I believe that we will always work in Guatemala. But there is more. I don't know where He will take us, but I do know that because He loves us without condition, He calls us to do the same. For now it is Pueblo Nuevo. A small village where the need is great...greater than we first realized and greater in more ways than one.

Orphan Sunday - November 7

2010-10-19T21:29:00.004-05:00

Just a reminder or FYI for those that do not know, November 7th is Orphan Sunday. Churches and individuals around the country are organizing events to bring attention to the world's orphan crisis.

We will never know the true number of orphans that exist. Some say 134 million. Some 143 million. Some 147 million. I have heard that we may have already exceeded 210 million. Regardless of the exact number, we have to do something. An estimated 15 million children have lost both parents. The rest have lost one or have been abandoned or abused and removed from their homes. All are at great risk of a multitude of issues if we do not follow through with what we have been called to.

Please get involved in some way. The only way to make a difference is to start making a difference. Check your local area for events or schedule one yourself.

Why Love Orphans? from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

2nd Annual AAB Golf Tournament - Oct. 27

2010-10-12T20:47:00.003-05:00

The 2nd Annual AAB Golf Tournament will be held Wednesday, October 27, 2010 at The Oaks at Sherwood in Baton Rouge. Registration begins at 7:30am with a shotgun start at 8:30am. The cost is $400 per team of four ($100 per single).

To register as a team or individually, please email Terry at terry@acrossallborders.org.

We are still in need of hole sponsors ($100 per hole) and prize sponsors. If you are interested in sponsoring this event, contact us at the above email address for more information.

All proceeds from this tournament will be used specifically for AAB's December mission trip to provide water filters and food bags to families in (San Lucas) Pueblo Nuevo, Guatemala as well as provide additional support for the local children's ministry.

Children's Day

2010-10-01T22:20:00.003-05:00

Today is Children's Day in Guatemala and it is being celebrated in a big way in Pueblo Nuevo this weekend.

The Tulio's had the wonderful idea of throwing a huge party for everyone and asked if we would consider helping. In Marco's words, "We want to have a big party to bring a little joy to the children in Pueblo Nuevo. This year has been especially hard for many of them with the loss of parents and other family members and we just want them to know that we love them." Who could disagree with that? I would have loved to be with them to celebrate this weekend, but this was a wonderful opportunity to begin to show that we trust our partners in Guatemala by funding the party that they hoped to have while allowing them to carry it out on their own.

Of course, it also makes me happy to know that as many supplies as possible have been purchased from small business owners in Pueblo Nuevo and others in Parramos.

All of the children in the village are being fed breakfast (they are expecting no less than 500 children) and all of the children plus their families are being served lunch. After lunch, a number of activities will take place including crafts, games (with prizes), pinatas and entertaining clowns.

I will post an update about the party in a few days. In the meantime, please pray for the Tulio family as this will be a busy and exhausting weekend for them and that those that attend the party will feel the love of Christ and be open to the message that will be given during the event.

Good Intentions that Hurt

2010-09-27T15:25:00.009-05:00

I am the woman that lives in what you call a third world country. I am everywhere. In the villages of Guatemala, Haiti, Ghana, Uganda. In the slums of India, Cambodia, Honduras, even parts of China. Yes, I am poor, but I take pride in the work that I do, sitting here all day in this market or on the side of the road. You come here for reasons I am not sure of, haggling until there is barely a profit left to be made on the few things you may purchase to bring home to show to your family and friends. Sometimes you come here just to take pictures of the filth. Proof that you were on a mission trip and your eyes have seen how the less fortunate around the world lives. Trash overflows dumpsters into the streets. You stare at where we cook our food to sell and whisper to your friend in a language that I cannot understand, but I know what you say. "I would never eat that. Look at how disgusting it is. Look at how dirty they are."

You walk by barely noticing me. I am sitting here waiting for what may be my only sale of the day or week or month. We have clothes here and shoes and everything else you could need. Do you need soap, shampoo, socks? Pencils, fruit, maybe a belt? I am one of many that sit here every day trying to sell these much needed items to people in my village. The only problem is they do not have the money buy them which leaves me with no money to provide for my own family. You snap a few more photos, make a few more comments, smile at me with pity and go about your day, forgetting that I even exist. No sale today.

At the end of the day, I walk miles across rough terrain to my home. The roof is caving in. The floors are made of dirt. And it is cold and raining tonight. My six children are hungry and as I look into their eyes to tell them that there is no food today, I wonder where you are sleeping tonight and how good it must feel to be able to feed your children every day. "Maybe tomorrow," I tell them, but they know as well as I do that tomorrow may be no different.

I see you again the next day, riding by in your large, comfortable bus. Now I know what you are doing here. You aren't just a tourist, you are here to help. My people thank God for you every day because we do need help, but not the kind you think we need. You think you know this country well. You think that we need basic supplies and you are right, we do! But what you do not understand is that we already have all that we need right here. You were so kind to hold that drive for clothes and shoes, for Tylenol and vitamins, for pencils and notebooks and I know you worked so hard organizing it all. I wonder what village will be blessed by your efforts today?

The bus begins to slow and comes to a stop within feet of my stand. Your team piles out with their matching shirts and they are so happy to be there, ready to serve in any way they can. But while you are unloading boxes upon boxes, my heart sinks. So does the heart of every other person working around me.

You begin to open boxes and pull out piles of clothes, hundreds of pairs of shoes and hygiene products galore. You only see the thankfulness that comes from the hearts of those that you are distributing to, but are blinded to their shame. My people do not want handouts. Would you? What we want is to work, to make money to support our families. Not once or twice a year distributions from people that pity us.

With every shirt that leaves your hand, a sale is taken from mine. With every pair of shoes that you happily give away, my child goes hungry for another day. With every box of crayons that you pass out, my children are less likely to be able to attend school. With every handout comes more shame and more poverty than you can begin to imagine.

We want you to know that we thank you for remembering us. Like I said, we do need help, but are you willing to listen and learn about what we really need? I am no expert. I never even attended school, but I know that what we need is not people giving handouts. We need people that are willing to walk with us, helping us lift ourselves out of poverty and I assure you that handouts are not the way to do it. I have lived this for so long already.

I watch people go through your line all day and as the sun begins to set, I close my little shop knowing that because you gave away every thing that I have for sale, I will not make a cent for weeks, possibly months, to come. What will I do? How will I feed my children? What will I tell my family? As I walk by, you smile that same pitiful smile. You are exhausted, but feeling very good about your work for the day as the weight of the world falls on my shoulders.

After I wrap my children in damp blankets tonight and watch them fall asleep, I kneel in the dirt outside my door and pray that I will not have to send them out to work on the streets or make the decision to leave them at the orphanage that is in the next village over. But if something doesn't change, that is what will happen. I lived through this as a child and I wanted a better life for my kids, but I guess this cycle will never end. Not this way.

As I lay my head down for the night, I wonder if you ever thought about what would happen if you had purchased all of the items that you wanted to give us right here? What would happen is this cycle, with consistency, would begin to end.

If you purchased from me some of those items, I would have been able to purchase food for my family tonight from the next vendor over and she would have been able to purchase school supplies from our neighbor so her daughter could go to school. Our neighbor would have been able to hire a taxi to drive him to the city to learn more about a new skill that would increase his income and that taxi driver would have been able to repay his brother the money that he owes. His brother would have been able to buy medicine for his sick son and that guy that works in the pharmacy may not have been laid off. The number of lives you would have touched for far longer than those supplies will last would amaze you.

That is a cycle that I could live with. That is our dream come true. We just want to work and take care of our families. You could help us with that. Maybe one day you will understand...

In the meantime another day begins. I watch as my sister makes the hardest decision of her life. Since her husband's tragic death, she can no longer care for their children. There is no income because she has no skills and no access to any type of training. She is forced to leave them at the orphanage just so they will be able to eat. They do not understand what is happening. The children that you will call orphans and add to that horrible statistic just want their mother. They do not want to leave their country or their family to be adopted by you. They don't care what kind of life you can offer. They just want to stay with their mother, be able to eat and go to school. They want to grow up with their siblings and make a better life for themselves together. You could help them with that, but I wonder if you would prefer to save a child from such a miserable existence in an orphanage than to help reunite them with the family that loves them and the family that they love so much. I wonder if you would consider helping this family out of poverty so they could stay together and begin to thrive instead of removing the children from the only life they have ever known because you think they would be better off in a wealthy family.

In the end, we are one and the same. I just happened to be born in a country overwhelmed with poverty, full of despair and griped by injustice. I am what you call poor and oppressed. You claim to love my children with all of your heart and you are willing to do whatever it takes to give them a better life. You want to help, but what you don't get is that because of your good intentions, we will remain poor and oppressed.

And the cycle continues....

Unless something drastic happens.

When you begin to see beyond the child that lives in the orphanage and dig deep into the reason she is there. When you look into his eyes and see not just his life, but the life of his children and his grandchildren. When you realize that without serious intervention that goes beyond clothes and shoes and toiletries, you will still be working with the same children twenty years from now (if they survive that long), their children and possibly their grandchildren. And when you begin to understand that so many children that live in orphanages around the world still have families that love and want them, they simply cannot take care of them, your perspective may begin to change.

There is only so much that a bar of soap can do and a wet blanket is worthless under a roof that is almost non-existent. A bag of food only lasts so long, that Polo shirt becomes very thin quickly with every day wear and those shoes are not going to last long. Until we realize and accept that relief is not the answer in areas that require development (which is most of the world), we will get nowhere. And the more dependency we create, the more problems we cause for the world.

"There Are No Mistakes in the Kingdom..."

2010-09-23T11:53:00.003-05:00

I returned from Guatemala almost a month ago and I'm still rambling on about my very short time there. Maybe one day I will have said all that I need or want to say about this place that holds so much of my heart.

Wait. I take that back. Never will I be able to stop talking about Guatemala or my experiences there. Just when I think I have nothing to say I am compelled to share something else. I guess that is kind of the point of a blog, isn't it?

My last full day in Guatemala last month had nothing to do with Pueblo Nuevo which is rare during our time there. Naomi had mentioned her friend that volunteers at a children's home between Antigua and Guatemala City and told me about how this home is struggling to get by. It pierced my heart to hear some of the stories she had heard about several of the children there. I wondered if there might be something we could do to help. So she called her friend and asked if she would mind taking me to visit the home and children. The answer was yes, but first I would have to go with her to feed and love on babies at Hermano Pedro.

Be still my soul!

I had been wanting to visit Hermano Pedro for years. This hospital has multiple focuses. One of it's wards is focused on children that are extremely malnourished. That is where I wanted to go and that is where we were going. I could not wait!

Pat pulled up to the curb and blew the horn right on time. It is not common for me, someone that struggles with intense shyness around people I do not know, to immediately feel comfortable and open up when I first meet someone. I've come to realize that it is more of a problem in the U.S. than it is when I am in Guatemala because Pat dug right in to my life with her questions about why I serve in Guatemala, about our ministry and every thing else she could think of before I even had a chance to shut down. So I gave her a brief summary and flipped the questions back on her. I so loved talking with her as we made our way from Parramos to Antigua.

We talked a bit about Dick Rutgers and how she thought that I should meet him one day. Oh how I would love to meet him! Just to be in the same room with him would be a big deal for me. I have known about Dick and his ministry for years and have followed his work as closely as I could. He works with children that have disabilities, providing them with much needed equipment (wheelchairs, etc.). He serves in multiple areas, but spends a lot of time with children that are being treated at Hermano Pedro. His servant's heart is boldly evident and I continue to be in awe at how God uses this man for His glory in Guatemala. So yes, having the privilege of meeting him would be so exciting. But it wouldn't be that day.

We finally made it to Hermano Pedro and walked right in, ready to get our hands on some precious babies. As soon as we walked in, who did we see? Why, Dick Rutgers, of course. Pat laughed, turned to me and said for the first of many times that day, "There are no mistakes in the Kingdom of God. There's Dick. C'mon, I'll introduce you." Right there in front of everyone I almost burst into tears and I have no idea why. Dick was busy measuring a child for a wheelchair so our introduction was quick and there was very little time for chit chat, but so far that day I had finally made it to Hermano Pedro AND met Dick Rutgers. What a day so far!

While we were feeding babies, Dick came over to chat for few minutes before he left the hospital. It was interesting to hear what he was working on and getting ready for. No matter how brief, I am still thrilled that I had the chance to meet him.

I have pictures from our visit to Hermano Pedro, but because we do not serve there on a regular basis I do not want to post them here. I will be happy to share photos with those that I know personally so if you want to see them, just ask and I will send them to you. I could write an entire post on the feelings that came from being at Hermano Pedro, feeding children that are so severely malnourished that you are afraid their bones are going to break at any moment just from holding them and loving on babies that are waiting for surgeries to repair the most intense cleft palates you have ever seen, but I will save it, for now. I am so thankful for the people that God specifically calls to volunteer there because the children that are within those walls are in such desperate need of affection.

We left the hospital and sat down for a quick lunch. During our meal we talked more about all things ministry and Guatemala. I have no idea how many times Pat said, "There are no mistakes in the Kingdom.." and, "Thank you, Jesus!" that day, but she had such an impact on me with her encouragement and glimpses into their ministry that by the time we got halfway through the day I was praying, "God, help me to live a life that screams JESUS as much as her's does."

From Antigua we headed to the children's home, Rosa's de Amor. There are mostly girls that live there and the majority of them have been severely abused, neglected or abandoned. At one point, most of the teenage girls that lived in the house were pregnant. There is only one there now, a 14 year old girl (I think) that has a child. Her baby boy lives with her there. We arrived and just like any orphanage or children's home that you will visit in Guatemala, the children surrounded us, each wanting their moment of attention. We took a tour of the home and spent time watching as the children worked on homework. This is a home that is struggling. The director was in the U.S. at the time, so I will arrange to meet with her in December, but we did hear a long list of things that are needed and ways that we might can help. I am not sure yet what it is we are supposed to do at Rosa's, if anything at all, but we are praying through ways that we may be able to serve these children and those that work with them daily and dearly love them. Again I have pictures from Rosa's, but I will not post them here yet.

At the end of the day, I got out of Pat's car and hugged someone that I felt like I had known forever good-bye. I am so excited about being able to spend a little more time with her in December when she comes to Pueblo Nuevo to help us throw a huge Christmas party for the children there. By the time I left her, I was so overwhelmed with thankfulness for every part of this trip...for Naomi's generosity and talking me through moments of crazy panic, for the time in Pueblo Nuevo that was productive and educational and just sweet and for the day away from PN that led to me meeting this new friend that God used to speak so much to my heart in just a few short hours through her living example of faith.

In the words of Pat....

There are no mistakes in the Kingdom of God. Thank you, Jesus!

The Fatherless

2010-09-15T13:00:00.003-05:00

Meet sweet, shy Carolina and precious Paola. When we first met them in October 2009, they were part of a family that consisted of other siblings, a mom and a dad that worked in the fields. They were barely able to make ends meet meaning the father's pay barely covered and sometimes did not meet their minimal necessary living expenses, but they survived the best they could, just as everyone does in Pueblo Nuevo. The children were happy because they are loved and without knowing that things like Wiis and laptops and smart phones exist, the basics are all they believe they need.

But for now their happiness is gone. From now on, when we talk about the fatherless in Pueblo Nuevo, in Guatemala, in the world, we are also talking about them. Their father died tragically a few weeks ago.

A very large, deep hole had been dug and filled with water at the site where he had been working. For four days he never returned home and no one could find him. It wasn't like him to be away for so long and no one believed that he would abandon his family. On the fourth day, they found him. He had fallen into the hole and drowned. In an instant the lives of his wife and children were shattered. They went from little to less. From barely getting by to not knowing how they will survive.

And they are not the only ones.

This year has been especially difficult for some of the children in Pueblo Nuevo. This is not the only father that has died recently. Multiple children have lost their dads already this year and wives have become widows that do not know how they will provide for their children.

Where do they go from here?

Call it what you want. Poverty alleviation. Family outreach. Orphan prevention. If you say you have a heart for orphans, you also have a heart for those children that are on the brink of becoming orphans. If your heart breaks at the thought of children living in orphanages and on the streets, it should also break at the thought of another child entering that kind of life. According to some sources, because these children lost a parent, they are already orphans, but they do not have to suffer like so many true orphans do. Yes, if their mother does not find a way to take care of them, they will be in horrible, heartbreaking situations. Children like this often end up in orphanages, living on the streets, involved in prostitution, gangs and drugs. They do not often attend or finish school. And for so many it is the beginning (or continuation) of a generational cycle that desperately needs to be broken. So if we love orphans, shouldn't we also work like mad to make sure that other children do not become part of the orphan statistic? Shouldn't we fight on their behalf to keep them from a life of more pain?

Obviously we are very concerned about orphan prevention, not only in Guatemala, but around the world. We consider situations like this to be a crisis that must be addressed and will do whatever it takes to make sure that these children are cared for. I admit to being completely overwhelmed by the situation in Pueblo Nuevo right now. With so much that needs to be done, it is most upsetting to me to know that our hearts are in preventing children from becoming orphans and that more and more are on the brink of becoming just that. We are praying for wisdom to know how to move forward in caring for these families. I know that the Lord is in control and I am thankful that He is so much bigger, stronger and more powerful than we are. He loves these children far more than we do. He is a Father to the fatherless and with His instruction we will move forward in assisting these families with whatever is needed to keep the children safe and on the path that He has created for their lives.

Water in Pueblo Nuevo

2010-09-14T22:09:00.004-05:00

We have always known that, just like the rest of Guatemala, Pueblo Nuevo has a serious problem with contaminated water. Without asking too many questions, I assumed I knew the answers. Beginning in December, families will begin receiving water filters through AAB's water filter program. In order to provide accurate information to those interested in supporting families in Pueblo Nuevo through water filters, I had to get more details about the water situation so I spent a while during my trip a few weeks ago searching for answers to tough questions. Sadly, most of my assumptions were correct.

This is Pueblo Nuevo's water tank. Water is pumped from a river into the tank. Anyone in Pueblo Nuevo can have access to running water if they pay 100Q ($12.50) for connection, 500Q ($62.50) in advanced payments and 25Q ($3.13) per month. Some people in Pueblo Nuevo do not have pipes run that give them access to running water or have chosen not to have running water for a number of reasons (can't afford it, do not want it, etc.), but most families do have access to the public water system. Once the water is pumped from the river, it is held in this unsanitary tank. According to those living in Pueblo Nuevo, the tank is "cleaned" no more than once a year.

There are varying degrees of poverty in Pueblo Nuevo. Having access to running water does not mean that a person is not living in extreme poverty. That is so something I would have thought years ago. With so many people in the world not having access to water at all, having running water must be a luxury. Wrong. Not when your water looks like this.

Fortunately, the above picture is not someone that has access to running water. This is water that they collect from neighbors that have running water and it then sits in their pila (sink) where disease carrying insects breed as they wash their food and clothes in it. This is also their drinking water.

Not everyone in Pueblo Nuevo has a bathroom. Most families that do have one have only a toilet hidden in a corner behind a shower curtain or somewhere to the side or behind their home. Others have bathrooms like this. Without any type of plumbing, they are forced to discard of their own waste behind their home, down the mountain.

One of the biggest contamination problems comes in how and where the drainage pipes lead. All water and waste from pilas and toilets in Pueblo Nuevo goes back into the river. And the cycle starts over again. It is pumped back out of the river into an unclean tank and into homes.

Like I said, I already assumed this was the case and it has always been hard to watch our kids in Pueblo Nuevo drink water. But it was so much harder to stand their listening to the disgusting details while watching children drink. At one point, I became so overwhelmed with the thought of these sweet children literally drinking someone else's waste that I had to fight the urge to vomit.

Having access to CLEAN water, not just any water, but clean water, is one of life's basic necessities. We can continue to work on a number of things to try to alleviate poverty, but until we begin meeting basic needs that will start eliminating preventable diseases and do this on a wide scale, nothing will ever change. We can continue to run around fighting fires and working ourselves into a frenzy, never really getting anything accomplished or we can begin to focus on one or two things at a time and work until those issues are solved before moving on. That is what I believe must happen and water has to be one of our top priorities (along with education and other disease preventing efforts). The more partnerships we form in different areas of concentration, the more work we can do and the faster it can be done. It is not only possible, but easy, to provide every family in Pueblo Nuevo with a water filter and a lesson in hygiene. It costs $50 to provide one family with a water filter that can produce 10 gallons of clean water every 24 hours for two years. After that, filters are replaceable for $24 every two years. We will begin distributing filters and providing hygiene classes in December. After that, one of our primary focuses will be water filtration and working to develop some type of sanitation system and we will not stop until every person in Pueblo Nuevo has access to clean water.

It will cost an estimated $10,000 to provide every family in Pueblo Nuevo with a water filter. I have never been one to dream small. It is my personal prayer that every person has access to CLEAN water by the end of 2011.

Pueblo Nuevo Update

2010-09-14T21:54:00.002-05:00

As with Tropical Storm Agatha and any other disaster that may strike Guatemala in the future, we are aware of the torrential rains and mudslides that the country experienced last week and are continuing to monitor the situation in Pueblo Nuevo. Fortunately, just as the situation was with Agatha, Pueblo Nuevo did not receive as much damage as some other parts of the country. Damage is to be expected and homes continue to be flooded during this extremely rainy rainy season, but we are thankful that as far as we know, no lives were lost and so far there has not been widespread damage reported in this area.

More Repairs

2010-09-03T10:00:00.002-05:00

Instead of kitchen sinks and washing machines, most families in Guatemala have pilas. Every thing is done in the pila...washing dishes, washing clothes and it is also where the refreshment of a glass of contaminated water comes from if you are not fortunate enough to have a water filter or bottled water delivery. (Only a few families in Pueblo Nuevo use bottled water and no family has a water filter, though that will begin to change in December. More on water a little later...)

This is the pila at Marta's house.

I am not sure exactly what happened here. It was obviously installed incorrectly years ago. It wasn't established on a base and there was no drainage for it. The result was a lot of contaminated water sitting around, never drying up, being constantly added to and breeding a serious amount of mosquitos and other disease causing insects. But even before I thought all of that, I thought about the very small children that often stay there alone and knew that this large amount of water (it was more and deeper than it looks in the photos) was a big safety hazard for the toddlers that were running around it.

The materials needed to fix it, to create a base for it and create drainage, was delivered the next day. The men in the family are now working between rainy days to fix it.

Marta's home is also in need of other repairs. She needs an entirely new kitchen and some repairs in their bedroom (the only other room of their house), just as most in Pueblo Nuevo do. It was hard to tell her that I do not know when we will be able to help her with that because we cannot do every thing that needs to be done at once or in a short amount of time. All I could do was add her to the growing list, promise to keep praying and working on their behalf and promise to not forget her family.

For now, her home is a little safer than it was two weeks ago, but having to walk away from unmet needs that I know are creating dangerous situations for entire families weighs very heavily on me.

Agatha's Wrath

2010-09-02T09:07:00.005-05:00

I am not sure where to begin with pictures from this trip or how to go about writing all that I think is important for people to know. I could do one LONG post, but maybe shorter ones with one topic each are better.

One of the main reasons for this trip was to help make repairs on homes damaged by Tropical Storm Agatha and begin working on other home repairs. We have always known the overall condition of homes in Pueblo Nuevo, but this trip involved a lot of close inspection and time on my hands and knees peering into dark corners which also meant coming face to face with what appears to be a rodent infestation (mice. were. EVERYWHERE! this time.)

We already knew that Carmen had the most damage from Agatha. Her home is divided into two separate rooms. One small room is the family bedroom that includes three mattresses, a dresser and their clothes. The other is their kitchen, where Carmen cooks and where they have a very old table and a couple of worn out chairs. I was told that so much land had been washed away from her property that her kitchen was beginning to slide down the mountain. They were trying to keep it up with sandbags, but it was steadily continuing to slide.

I wrote about Carmen right after our last trip. I do not want any of our families to go through more difficult times than they already face every day, but when I heard that Carmen's home was the most damaged, I was crushed for her. I cannot imagine looking every day at my home, knowing that it may be the last day it is standing and having no way to fix it or rebuild it when it falls. So of course the first place I had to go in Pueblo Nuevo, the first person I had to see was Carmen.

It was true. Her kitchen is literally sliding down the mountain. Just standing in her kitchen made me uncomfortable because it could slide at any time (and because mice were running around everywhere). At this point, I am praying every day that it makes it through each day of this very rainy rainy season. Each rain causes more land to slide away from it. They continue to add more sandbags, but they are not going to be able to hold it up much longer.

There is no way to repair her kitchen. No reinforcement is strong enough to hold it on such a steep angle. A new kitchen has to be built further down on her property where it is flatter. AAB is providing the materials needed for rebuilding. Her husband along with other men from the church will do the construction. Unfortunately, because of the rain, construction cannot begin yet. Once rainy season is over (in October), they will prepare the land by flattening it more, and we will provide all of the materials so that she will have a strongly reinforced new kitchen in December.

Another problem caused by Agatha and the mudslides that it produced is flooding. So much packed dirt has been washed away from homes. This dirt once filled in large gaps at the bottom of homes. When it washed away, huge open holes were left and the homes in this part of Pueblo Nuevo are being flooded every time it rains which is pretty much every day now.

Carmen's house is one of those that is flooding. Every. Day.

Several houses, including Carmen's, are being repaired. AAB provided the materials and the men in the community are working with large amounts of cement to create a longer lasting solution than more packed dirt would provide.

I have so many pictures of damage that I could post and so many stories of individual families. In the end, I simply do not have time to post them all because even homes that were not damaged by Agatha are still in need of major repairs just to be considered safe enough to live in. Over the next few days I will post some of the more extreme stories.

Wrapped Up

2010-09-01T21:46:00.003-05:00

If you are here to read more about Pennies for Pencils, scroll to the next post or CLICK HERE.

By the time I arrived at the airport Sunday morning (Aug. 22), I think I was as calm as I had ever been before a flight. Remember a long time ago that I thought God and I had a deal. I would do anything He asked, follow Him anywhere, as long as it didn't require flying or public speaking.

Um, yeah. Just forget I ever admitted that and move on. And learn from my mistake. Don't EVER try to make a deal like that because you are SO going to end up doing what you said you would never do. Anyway...

Being totally calm before a flight isn't like me, though I think I hide it pretty well (or maybe not). I didn't even cry when I walked away from my guys at the airport. That was a first. Of course I was still a little nervous about the trip, but I was so excited and just ready to be back in Guatemala, if only for a few days and the two days leading up to the trip really brought a lot of calm and comfort to my very anxious self.

Both flights were smooth and I am still thanking God for that. After the drama that took place on flights during the December and May trips, I NEEDED uneventful travel this time. I loved getting so many text messages and emails while I was literally waiting for takeoff from friends praying specifically for that...uneventful travel.

Once in Guatemala, Naomi from Rehoboth picked me up and we spent a while shopping in the city before heading to Parramos. It was a great travel day. Naomi and I seemed to click instantly (until then we had only spoken by phone and through emails). It was just a wonderful day. There was no reason not to be calm; no reason to fear. I haven't been afraid to be in Guatemala since my first two weeks fostering in 2007.

But then came the night.

In a place much different than Antigua.

And I didn't even have a home in a gated community with 24 hour guards or a hotel with 24 hour staff to run to.

It all started at 8:30 when we had to walk the dog.

It hit me that we were the only two North Americans in town. It didn't matter that the police station was just a block away. If anything were to happen, it is likely that no one nearby would help us, not even the police.

I was fairly certain that a middle of the street attack was imminent. But again, I think I hid it well while casually mentioning that I thought walking around outside at night in this part of Guatemala was not the safest thing to do. I was nervous and extremely cautious, but not in a panic. Yet.

Until we got back inside and Naomi went bed.

I shuffled into the guest room and climbed into bed becoming instantly paralyzed with fear. What was I thinking? Had I really been asking God to give me a glimpse into what life will look like for my family when living in Guatemala? Had I truly believed that I could do THIS? Live outside of a gated community, close to the people we are serving, not in a luxury vacation type home? Did I really always ask Him to lead me into situations that would force me to rely only on Him? I never once questioned being in Guatemala or even in Guatemala alone, but I did question the decision I made to step out of my comfort zone of staying in touristy Antigua so that I could see what this type of missionary living (the type that I believe is right for our family) looked like and the decision I made to fore go having a personal driver with me all day every day to avoid a great deal of expenses. Whenever we live wherever we are going to be living, we will not be returning to luxury every night and we will not constantly have a driver and translator with us. Until now, we have taken mission trips. I wanted to forget that I was on a mission trip and see what real life would look like.

I didn't like what I was seeing because it terrified me.

Go figure. Me. Scared. To the point of panic.

What to do in a situation like this? Pray and reach for your Bible, of course.

So of course that is NOT what I did.

No, I just sat there in the middle of my fear, unable to move, as the fear took over and began to breed the most horrible thoughts and worst scenarios imaginable.

The gate at the bottom of the stairs would not keep someone out, nor would the locked front door. And forget the lock on my bedroom door. What purpose would it serve? I didn't even have a roof to jump off of as a last attempt escape from the gang of people I knew were going to break in at any minute. Once I had thought of every thing horrible that was going to happen, I grabbed my journal and in handwriting that is so shaky it is almost not legible wrote:

"...The anxiety, this intense fear has returned. I am afraid to stay here in Parramos, outside of my comfort zone. Afraid of being one of only two gringo(a?)s in this town. Afraid of the crime that grips this country. Afraid of violence. Afraid of what tomorrow holds. Afraid for my life. But mostly I am afraid of being afraid and what it means is happening to me again..."

Finally. It took a while, but the last sentence made sense. I realized what was happening so I continued to write:

"God did not create this fear in me. God, help me trample over it. I know you hear my cry..."

Still trembling and wondering how I was going to make it through the night, my mind raced back to just the day before and the picture that had been painted in my mind...

"Blankets...His arms...wrapped up...holding you tightly...peek out over the top...you are safe."

As clearly as I recalled Angela speaking those words, that still, small voice came through to calm the storm.

"Don't you know who you are? You are My child. No matter what happens in this life, you are safe. I already know the rest of your story. Believe Me. Trust Me. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. You can do this. You will do this. And I will never leave your side."

I am so thankful that He never fails to meet me in all of my messy brokenness. Any kind of fear is wrong. Never have I given into it so much that it has kept me from doing something I knew I should do, but I do allow it to consume too much of my mind. Too much of my life. But after so many years of fear, it felt like something began to change that night. I wasn't sure exactly what, but I did know that no amount of fear would keep me away from that place (Guatemala) or whatever it is we have to do there. For as long as I can remember fear has been one of the enemy's biggest footholds in my life. It took me this long to realize it and there would be no better time than this trip to lay that burden down.

As always, I felt almost crazy for being so fearful. We all know that Guatemala is not the safest country in the world, but it certainly isn't the most dangerous. There was no reason for me to have such intense fear, but it was helpful to hear the next morning that I'm normal. Apparently a lot of people go through this. It just isn't talked about often. Yes, I was being irrational, but we all have our own battles and this irrational fear thing is one of mine.

Obviously I made it through the night. I popped in my ear buds and hit shuffle all. I'm convinced that He has fun playing with my shuffle settings. The first song could not have been more fitting (and I do not think it was a coincidence). I'll post it below or HERE if you're reading on Facebook (just because I'm a music fanatic and I think everyone else wants to hear the music I love). And as crazy as it may it sound, I curled up with my Bible and fell asleep. I sleep best in Guatemala. That night was no different. I woke up the next morning still holding on to my Bible, smiling at the thought that He was there, keeping watch all night. I had prayed that He would show up in a big way and make His presence powerfully known during this trip. So far, He was on it.

It was time to get to work and I couldn't wait to get to our families in Pueblo Nuevo. First stop...waiting for a chicken bus...

Pennies for Pencils Kickoff

2010-08-31T21:18:00.006-05:00

Today begins our month long change drive, Pennies for Pencils. To kick it off, our family decided to donate what is in what Tommy calls "the money bank".

We talked about cashing his change in and giving it away so our friends in Guatemala will have school supplies.

At 3 1/2, he is getting interested in talking about Guatemala a little more. Maybe because he hears us talk about it so often or maybe because he just wants to ride in an airplane again. Whatever the case, he was excited that his money was going to Guatemala.

His first response when I asked him how much he thought was in the bag? "Forty dollah."

Was he close?

Not quite...even better!

$79.87!

I met with the principal last week. He told me that there are currently 400 students enrolled in school. Only a few leave Pueblo Nuevo to attend school (a private school in Parramos) and there are children that do not attend school at all. He expects 400 to enroll again in December. Their school supplies are very basic. Each child is required to have a notebook, a pencil and a pen in black, blue and red. He mentioned repeatedly that it is the responsibility of "the fathers" to purchase school supplies and because there are a growing number of children in Pueblo Nuevo that do not have fathers, less are able to enroll (or stay) in school if their mothers cannot provide their supplies. Even some fathers are unable to purchase supplies.

Supplies cost about $5.59 per child if purchased in Guatemala. It is typical for families in this area to make $2 a day or less. The average number of children per family in Pueblo Nuevo is 4 or 5. A family with 5 school-aged children would be expected to pay nearly $30 for school supplies. For some, this is an entire month's wages.

We want to relieve this burden and make sure that every child that is allowed to attend school enrolls this year. We are praying for school supply funding that will cover 450 students with one notebook (the specific notebooks required are expensive), three pencils and three pens each. Yes, we could easily collect the required school supplies and ship them to Guatemala, but we will not do that. If we ship these supplies from the U.S. instead of purchasing them from the local school supply shop in Pueblo Nuevo, we will be hurting two of our families. By purchasing these supplies locally, two families that own the small school supply store will benefit GREATLY.

We're off to a good start with $79.87. Just with the spare change in our house, more than 14 student's supplies are fully funded.

It is not too late to get involved! So far we have a couple of schools in Mississippi, possibly one in Florida, a couple of teachers in Alabama, a business in Atlanta and girl scout troops in my hometown collecting. I am still talking with several churches and teachers/schools that may get involved, but we need more help. You do not have to be a part of a school or other group to participate. Individual families can do what we did. Gather your change, exchange it for cash and donate it to us to be used to purchase school supplies. If you are interested in participating, individually or as a group, email me at
terry @ across all borders.org.

Beautiful

2010-08-30T12:55:00.004-05:00

I so want to remember as many details as possible about last week's trip. This doesn't surprise those that know me and know that I am all about the details. I love to share details and love to hear details from others. So I'm going to have to spread posts about this trip out over the next few weeks, in between other posts. That is how much of an effect this trip had on me. I have so many things written down that I want to remember. Even if it is only for me, compiling it all here makes sense. Some of it is all about Guatemala, families in Pueblo Nuevo, what took place there during the trip and plans that have been made for the next one. Some of it is just me sharing my heart and how God used this short trip to say so much to me.

I can't begin writing about the trip without telling you about the days leading up to it.

Several months ago I leaned about a women's conference (the Beautiful conference) that would be at our church the day I was scheduled to leave. Angela Thomas was the speaker; Kari Jobe was leading worship. I love Kari Jobe's music. LOVE. IT. So much so that I delayed traveling by a day so that I could attend the conference.

To be honest, I was more interested in the worship part than sitting through the speaking part. I was excited about both, but I could not wait for the "concert" part.

By the beginning of the conference Friday night, I was in full trip mode. Pumped up, prayed up and ready to go, or so I thought. And as always, constantly on the verge of tears, but refusing to let them fall. I have not hidden the fact that I do not like leaving Danny and Tommy here while I work in Guatemala. Only God is strong enough to make me leave them for Guatemala, even for a couple of days. So I am super emotional any time I have to travel without them. Even being away from them for a few hours right before the trip was hard, but for some reason I felt like I really needed to be at this particular conference so I reluctantly went through with it.

Kari Jobe opened with a few minutes of praise and worship. Wonderful. I couldn't wait until after Angela Thomas spoke for a while because then I would get to spend an hour worshipping with some of my favorite songs. Angela spoke for an hour. As I sat there listening to her testimony of how she got to where she is, I realized that I was going to hear something specific from her that I needed to hear and could not wait until the next day to find out what it was. Kari returned and spent an hour leading us in worship. It was an amazing experience. I do not think that anyone there could deny the powerful presence of God and in some way be touched by Him. A friend and I left refreshed and excited about the next day.

We returned the next morning anxious to find out what God had in store for us. Kari opened with another few minutes of worship. I had to work even harder to keep the tears in for fear that if I started to cry I would be unable to stop. Then Angela began speaking.

This conference was about how much God loves us. Simple enough, right? All Christians would say that we know God loves us. But I think we, as women, are often so hard on ourselves and sometimes we need a verbal reminder that the Creator of all loves us each individually. He thinks we are beautiful. And His loves for us goes far beyond just basic love. The God that brought us into being is so deeply in love with us that we cannot comprehend the depth of it. Sure, we say we know it, but He wants us to feel it. I was enjoying Angela's time with us, but it wasn't until close to the end that she said something that struck me.

"Picture God's arms as being huge blankets. He has you wrapped up so tightly in those arms. You are totally surrounded by Him, safe in His arms. Only your eyes are peeking out over the top. Nothing can harm you because you are His baby girl and He is protecting you and all the while screaming, "I LOVE YOU! You are beautiful! As long as you are wrapped in my arms, you have nothing to fear!"

Mental image. Me. Physically wrapped up in the arms of God. Peeking out over the top, confident that in Him, I am safe.

Very few people know the anxiety that I have been battling over the past few months. I won't go into detail. Only those closest to me know all about it. Intense is the best way to describe it. I have spent so much time begging for deliverance from it all. But I was too busy holding on to the wrong thing while crying out for help. I learned that my life long battle with fear had a stronger hold on me than I realized and it was totally consuming me. For a while I felt as if things were spiraling out of control. I know that I was in a spiritual battle and giving in to Satan's whispers...his lies and deceit. It was not the first time I have experienced this and it will not be the last, but I spent a lot of time trying to stand firm in my own strength while feeling like I was in a constant earthquake. All of my anxiety stemmed from fear and questions that I do not need the answers to. And I was terrified (TERRIFIED!) of this trip. So many people call me brave. I am not. A lot of people tell me that I am strong. Wrong again. I am just another person that believes following hard after God means walking through a lot and for me, it has meant often dodging big fears to get closer to Him.

As I listened to Angela paint this picture, I wondered what the enemy must be thinking. Surely he was not at all happy with the fact that the image of God's protection around us was taking the place of the images of fear that he had planted in our minds. It is so simple, but have you really ever pictured yourself physically wrapped up in the arms of God? If you haven't, I would encourage you to stop reading right now and take a few minutes to picture what that looks like for you.

At the time I had no idea how important this mental image would become over the next few days.

Kari returned to lead our final hour of praise and worship. By that time there was no way to stop the flow of tears, nor did I want to keep them in any longer. Two of her songs struck me in a different way. I will post them below because they say so much. I have been singing them for so long, but sometimes God shines a new light on old things. What had become just words coming out of my mouth and emotionless s0-called worship became new. I spent the hour in all out worship and prayer and rarely did the tears stop. By the time we left, my spirit had been so refreshed and the Lord used every part of the conference to fully prepare me for the week ahead.

Looking back I know that had I not had some very specific moments with Him during the conference, the trip would have been much different. It was an amazing way to start a 4 day journey back to Guatemala.

Below are two of my favorite Kari Jobe songs. (If you are reading this on Facebook, you can find them here and here.) Enjoy! :)

I'm Back!

2010-08-28T22:33:00.002-05:00

I got back from Guatemala Thursday night and am spending a long weekend in small town Mississippi with family before returning to Louisiana tomorrow. I have lots to catch up on, but I promise to start returning phone calls and emails Monday.

It was an incredible trip. A lot was accomplished. A lot was learned. A lot was clarified. A lot was revealed. I did not have my laptop with me, so all of my notes are in a spiral notebook, some of my thoughts in my now rarely used journal and many prayers in my prayer journal. I think I have more that I want to blog about from this trip than I have any of the previous ones. Just looking at my notes, I have at least eight or nine blog entries to write and that doesn't include this one which is going to be just a quick run down of the basics.

I visited with families that received damage in May and thanks to your generous donations, materials were provided to make repairs. More details and photos will be posted next week. We made plans for further rebuilding to take place in December, once rainy season is over and things have had a chance to really dry out and more preparation can take place. I met with other families that are in need of home repair. Some of them are far beyond needing repair; their homes need to be completely rebuilt. I met with the principal of the local school and found out that 400 children are enrolled this year and that is the expected number for enrollment next year. Their school supplies consist of notebooks, pencils and pens in red, blue and black. That's it, but it is so difficult for most of our families to provide even that. Not this year! We are determined to make education a priority and to ensure that children receive what they need to attend school, we are praying that we will be able to supply all of the required school supplies for every child that is enrolled. More details to follow. I learned a lot about the area's water system and am even more disgusted by it. It is horrible! I knew it before, but hearing every little detail about it and then watching children drink it made it that much harder for me to deal with. Again, more details coming soon. So many of these things deserve their own posts. I visited Hermano Pedro for the first time after wanting to visit for three years and thanks to another new friend, visited a children's home in San Lucas that is home to mostly girls that have been abandoned and/or abused that we may consider working with in the future.

After all of that, I had some brand new experiences that were somewhere between terrifying and refreshing and some a little of both. See? I have so much to share about this trip...I may get sick of writing before it's all over. I'm not sure how so much can be packed in 4 days, but that's what happened and I cannot wait to share the details...

Leaving for Guatemala

2010-08-19T12:47:00.003-05:00

To read the Pennies for Pencils post, CLICK HERE.

I am leaving for Guatemala this Sunday. The purpose of this trip is very simple. We have to rebuild parts of homes and make repairs and we have to find out if those that have been resistant to visits from Christians will allow us to help them, as well.

This is a very different trip than those I have taken to Guatemala so far. I am not traveling with a team. In fact I am traveling with no one else. I am not staying in my comfort zone which is Antigua. Instead I will be staying in Parramos, a few miles outside of Pueblo Nuevo. Thank you to N.H. from Rehoboth Children's Home for allowing me to stay with her. I will not have daily personal transportation that stays with me all day in case of an emergency except from and back to the airport. For the first time, I will experience public transportation or no transportation at all (except for my two feet), depending on the preference of the Tulio family each day. I will either ride a bus or walk to Pueblo Nuevo every day. I will not have a translator and I know very little Spanish. I do not know enough to even get by. In Antigua, there is always someone that speaks more English than I do Spanish. It isn't that hard to get by there. It is a different story in Pueblo Nuevo. Leddy speaks English, though we often have a difficult time understanding each other. We do not always have a translator (I cannot find one in the area and unless I bring someone with me from Antigua, we do not have one) so as always, I will get by somehow. I will not have a computer with me so I will not be posting daily updates on Facebook or the blog as I usually try to do. This will be an interesting trip to say the least. It will be another quick trip. I will return to the U.S. Thursday night.

In addition to ordering supplies for rebuilding/repair, arranging delivery and speaking with the men in the community to make sure that the work gets done (because they will be the ones working together to rebuild/repair for each other), I have to meet with the school principal to go over details of the December trip....to get school supply lists, enrollment information, information about school fees, etc. and also with a local nurse because I still have some questions about the health of the general population of those living in Pueblo Nuevo and I'm hoping she can answer those questions and help me figure out how to best approach health care there.

As always, I would appreciate prayers for those that I will be with in Guatemala, my family and myself.

3 Years

2010-08-16T08:13:00.007-05:00

Then.

If you are here to learn more about "Pennies for Pencils", please scroll to the next post or CLICK HERE.

I have debated for a few days about posting today, but in the end the very sentimental side of me that remembers every significant date and every little detail about it won out so here I am. Today is not what we celebrate as family day. That will come around in October. But today is still a really big day for me and at least while he is still young enough to want to celebrate anything and everything, for Tommy, too. I'm sure I have written about this somewhere before, maybe even here so I am probably being repetitive...again.

Three years ago today I hugged Danny good-bye and cried my way through security and while boarding the plane. I had myself convinced that this would not be a long part of our adoption journey, though deep down I knew that I would not be home within the week or so that we hoped for. I couldn't take being away from Tommy any longer so I went to Guatemala knowing that day, unless something drastic happened with our adoption, I would never have to leave him in Guatemala again. As much as I would like to say I was following God to Guatemala that day, I wasn't. I went with my own agenda. My prayer was simple. I wanted to go, pick up our son, spend a few glorious days exploring Antigua while spending precious time with him, take tons of pictures and get out. I had a plan. Central America, even Guatemala, though I had fallen somewhat in love with the country simply because Tommy was born there, was still not at the top of my list of where I wanted to work. I was still sure that a lot of my focus for orphan care in the future would be somewhere in Asia, in China and Cambodia, and while Guatemala was on the list now, I had no intention of ever spending a lot of time there. I wanted to spend this time in Tommy's birth country with him so I could tell him about it one day, so I could show him pictures and eventually we would bring him back for a week long vacation there so he could see it for himself. I tried to tuck my really huge God into my back pocket, just in case I needed Him in an emergency. Because this was going to go the way I wanted it to and I would settle for nothing else.

It's not like I believed life would always go my way. After all, it never really had before. Maybe I thought we deserved some kind of break so surely this time would be easy. He had made it clear so many times before and this time was no different. I was not in control; He was and through my fight to try to make things go my way and my near tantrums when they didn't, He made that very clear.

During my first couple of weeks with Tommy in Guatemala, I viewed everything through the lens of the camera, snapping as many pictures as possible so that his precious baby face could always be remembered and so the pages in a scrapbook could be filled with sights of Guatemala so one day he would be able to see what it looked like. I had near raging fits (silently), cried myself to sleep every night, spent a lot of money on prepaid phone minutes so I could talk to Danny who was in the states and stressed because he never expected us to get "stuck" there. But we were....stuck. It took that for me to finally pay attention. So I stopped looking through the camera at often sad images and started seeing the hearts of people in Guatemala. I did not go on another all out photo shoot until 2 months later, after we heard that we would be going home. This time I cried as I snapped photos that I hoped would be enough to hold me over until the next time I could return to Guatemala.

Three years ago I landed thinking that I would not land in Guatemala again for at least the next 15 years. I had no idea that 3 years later I would be less than a week from returning for my 5th trip in just over a year. I had no idea that I would be preparing to make a trip like this alone and also preparing for Tommy's 2nd trip back (which will come in December) at the age of 3. I had no idea on the day that I arrived in Antigua 3 years ago that in a small village just 20 minutes away there were children and families that I would fall in love with one day. As much I hated leaving Guatemala to return to the U.S. without Tommy at the end of visit trips, I never could have imagined that I would leave the U.S. to return to Guatemala without him. I have to admit that leaving him here to travel to Guatemala is just as hard, if not harder, than leaving him in Guatemala was. I thought I kind of knew that day what our lives would be like, but my imagination could not have been further from what is now our reality. I would not have believed that my views on some big adoption/orphan/poverty issues would change so drastically. A lot can happen in three years and a lot has.

Three years ago when our tiny 5 month old son was placed in my arms, my greatest dream came true. This may not be our Family Day and it isn't even the day that I became mom (because I consider that his birthday even though we had no idea he was being born), but this is the day that I had waited so long for. I never had to give him back. I never had to leave him in Guatemala again. I never had to depend on someone that I didn't even know to care for him again. Because I was his mom and I no longer had to live out that role from 1600 miles away. What a blessing he is to me, to us! He has no idea how he has changed my life. I am so thankful that the Lord allows me to be his mom. It wasn't easy three years ago, when he had no idea who I was and spent days wanting nothing to do with me. And isn't always easy now...what parent would call 3 easy all of the time? But I LOVE being his mom. Most days I forget that we adopted him. I can't clearly remember life before him. It feels like he has been with us forever. His smile still warms my heart and his giggle is still contagious, just as it was when he was a baby. Three years ago tonight I rocked him to sleep while holding an outfit that smelled like his foster mom because he was so scared and uncomfortable that there was no other way to soothe him. Tonight I tucked him into bed, read a story, talked about our day and what tomorrow may help, laughed a little inside at his version of bedtime prayer and then got the usual big hug and kiss and the sweetest "I love you." A lot can change in three years. A lot has.

Life is sweet and God is so good.

Now.

Pennies for Pencils

2010-08-08T23:44:00.006-05:00

We are excited to announce and share details about our upcoming fundraiser, "Pennies for Pencils"!

"Pennies for Pencils" was born out of one sentence that I blogged months ago..."in Guatemala, we can buy pencils for pennies..."

We have always believed that education is key to poverty alleviation. While the effects of education aren't felt within a community immediately and so much more has to be done to alleviate poverty, education has proven to eventually break the cycle of poverty in many families.

So why aren't a large number of children in developing countries, such as Guatemala, receiving an education? Over the last year we have spent a lot of time with families in Pueblo Nuevo trying to get answers to that question. What we discovered is disheartening.

The village of Pueblo Nuevo is fortunate to have a school, but like so many areas of Guatemala, having a school within the village doesn't mean that the children enrolled there receive an adequate education. The school in Pueblo Nuevo is government run and does serve to educate more than if it didn't exist, so I will continue to be thankful that at least there is a school there. Children that attend school do not attend the way children do here. Because the school is too small for all of the children and there are so few teachers, children attend in shifts. From what I understand, this is customary. Younger children attend in the mornings; older children attend in the afternoons. The school is overflowing. The exterior can be deceiving. Within the walls of this school, children are crammed into classrooms, some overflowing into the halls. The principal, a kind man born in Guatemala that once studied in France, but returned to Guatemala because he loves "his people" could recite a long list of needs that funds are non-existent for. Without any type of support they continue on doing the best they can with what little they have.

A lot of children attend school. If I had to estimate, I would say that half of the school aged children that live in Pueblo Nuevo are enrolled and attend on a regular basis. But where does that leave the other half?

I have spoken with mothers that do not allow their children to attend school because their husbands died or abandoned them and they need the older children to either stay home to help take care of the younger children (girls) or go work in the fields to support the family (boys). Other mothers have stated that their children simply do not want to attend school. Because they (the mothers) do not understand the importance of education they do not force their children to attend. Both of these cases are heartbreaking and we will continue to work with these families to encourage the enrollment of their children in school and to help single mothers/widows however we can. But there are children that we can help NOW. They want to attend school. They long to attend school. Their mothers know the importance and their hearts break each year that they are unable to go, but there is nothing that they can do about it.

These children cannot attend school because they cannot afford the few required school supplies and the required black shoes. Never in this country (U.S.) will you hear of a child unable to attend school because his parents cannot afford a notebook and a pencil or crayons and a bottle of glue, but this is reality in the lives of many Guatemalan children. Those that do somehow provide their child with these things struggle to do so. And then there are black shoes. These shoes are not "cheap". They certainly cost more than the typical jelly type shoes you can buy for 20Q (less than $3 USD) at the market. We have seen children's feet crammed into black shoes 2 sizes too small and children walk right out of shoes that are 2 sizes too big just so they can attend school. But then there are those that cannot even afford shoes that are too small or too large or too worn. Other school fees are just an added reason why parents are often unable to send their children to school and why those that do often have to face the harsh reality of choosing education over meeting immediate needs within the family.

Last year we distributed school supplies that had been donated and shipped to Guatemala. We received a lot of school supplies and many children received some of what they needed to attend to school, but it was far from enough. This year, we are doing things a little differently to ensure that the maximum number of school aged children receive all that they need to continue attending or maybe for the first time ever enroll in school.

In Guatemala we can literally buy pencils for pennies. School supplies are very inexpensive and there are tiny school/office supply storefronts scattered everywhere. In the small village of Pueblo Nuevo there are two that sell school supplies. Their pencils, pens and notebooks for at least the last year have been covered in dust as no one has been able to shop there. As we work on education, we must also continue to work on supporting the local economy and employment. So this year, instead of spending so much money shipping school supplies to Guatemala, we will purchase all of the children's school supplies and shoes from local (in Pueblo Nuevo and surrounding villages) small business owners so that they will be better able to support their families. As always, we need your help to do this.

We are in the process of contacting every teacher, Sunday School teacher and church leader that we know or just know of through someone else. "Pennies for Pencils" is a change drive (though we welcome dollar bills, as well). We love having children involved in helping less fortunate children around the world and this is an easy and inexpensive way for them and their families to get involved. We are looking for teachers, Sunday School teachers and church leaders that are willing to lead change drives within their classrooms and/or churches. To make this even more successful, teachers encouraging other teachers within their school to get involved could result in quite a competition between classrooms and we would love to throw a pizza party (or something similar) for the winning class if more than three classes within a school participate. It would be ideal if entire elementary, middle, junior high and/or high schools would compete. We are also encouraging parents to speak to their children's teachers to encourage participation or to be responsible for carrying out the drive for the teacher.

Do you or someone you know want to be involved? If so, contact me at
terry @ acrossallborders. org. Change drives in schools will last only a week. The length of drives in churches should be determined by church leaders or the person leading the drive. "Pennies for Pencils" will run through the month of September. All supplies will be purchased and distributed during our December mission trip. More details will be provided to those interested in leading a drive.

It is our prayer that this will be a success and become an annual fundraiser. So much more is needed than just school supplies, shoes and supplies for the actual school. Having this annual fundraiser grow each year will bring us closer to being able to build a community center that will provide before and after school care and support and a much needed new school in or near Pueblo Nuevo or at least provide tuition assistance for students to attend a nearby private school. Big dreams, but we'll get there. In this case, it is true...every penny counts!

Yard Sale Update

2010-07-26T08:36:00.002-05:00

Saturday's yard sale and jambalaya fundraiser was a huge success thanks to volunteers from Fellowship Church, personal friends and a generous man that should be recognized for making the best jambalaya EVER.

Nearly $2000 was raised!!!

Thank you to the staff and members of Fellowship Church. Numerous volunteers from the church came out to serve as part of their GO Week and we are so grateful for the help they provided. From setting up the night before to cleaning up after the sale and every thing in between, we witnessed members of this church serving with smiles and sharing their hearts. We also met members of the church that came by to shop, buy jambalaya plates or just to make a donation. Big things are going on at Fellowship and I cannot wait to see and hear what God has in store for this church.

A big THANK YOU goes out to Charlie Scott for donating all of the supplies to make jambalaya AND cook it! Once again we were blessed with someone's unexpected generosity. At the end of the day we did not have one serving of jambalaya left...it was that good! We appreciate Charlie so much for the work he put in to this.

Thanks to our friends Juan and Heather for spending all day working at the sale and to Heather and Mandy for their help setting up the night before.

As always, thanks to Kori (AAB's Board of Directors VP) and her husband, Kevin, for their continued dedication to AAB. We are beyond thankful for their help with everything related to AAB.

And thank you to Dana Scott for organizing most of this fundraiser and for her constant support. Dana, I cannot wait to travel to Guatemala with you again! We both know it's going to happen sooner than later, right? :)

The sale was huge! This is just a small glimpse of it.

Thanks to those that spent Friday evening organizing and pricing! A lot of people mentioned how organized things were. It seemed to make shopping much easier.

Getting the jambalaya started.

Some of Fellowship's youth spent the day with us. These volunteers spent hours serving jambalaya plates.

Some people took turns holding our jambalaya fundraiser signs on the side of the road. Danny took his turn a step further by doing the hokey pokey, according to one of the people that stopped just because he was acting so silly.

Overall it was a great day! The rains from the approaching tropical storm held off until exactly 3:00 when the sale ended. It wasn't as hot as it has been here lately, but all of us working the sale were comfortable inside in the AC. We met new people and heard some amazing testmonies. And together we all raised money that will be used specifically for repairs/rebuilding from the damage of Tropical Storm Agatha. So yeah...great day!

Yard Sale and Jambalaya Fundraiser at Fellowship Church!

2010-07-21T08:35:00.001-05:00

Sat. 7/24, 14363 Hwy 73, Prairieville, LA. Sale 7-3. Benefits orphans & families in Guatemala. Baby & childrens clothes in all sizes, school uniforms, outdoor play equip, baby items, toys, craft supplies, HH items & more. Jambalaya plates $5 11-2.

Q&A at IBC

2010-07-06T15:47:00.004-05:00

We were recently informed that an ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) class at our church, Istrouma Baptist Church in Baton Rouge, LA, voted to make a monetary donation to AAB. This past Sunday we were asked to visit ABF4 (Chutz) for a brief Q&A session and to receive their donation. We are blessed to be a part of IBC and by the friendships that continue to be formed there. Thank you to ABF4 for your great questions and generous donation. While we sincerely appreciate the support we receive from every individual, group and church, it is especially meaningful to have the support, both through monetary donations and prayer, of those within our personal church family.

Thompson Baptist Church VBS - Smithdale, MS

2010-07-06T15:40:00.002-05:00

Thompson Baptist Church in Smithdale, Mississippi recently held VBS. Each year, children attending VBS are encouraged to raise money to be donated to a charity chosen by VBS leaders. This year Across All Borders was chosen to receive the donations raised. In just one week $900.50 was raised by the children of Thompson Baptist Church. Thank you to the VBS leaders, children and their parents for your support!

Unity

2010-06-21T23:15:00.006-05:00

*This post has been sitting unplublished for almost a week as I have been trying to decide whether or not to share my thoughts here.*

With all that has happened in Guatemala since our time there in May, I think I completely skipped writing about some of the things that took place and a lot of what was learned during the trip. The short version - we learned that Pueblo Nuevo is a village divided (as are many other areas in Guatemala, around the world and even in the U.S.). The major cause of this division is religion. Like I said, it's a cause of division all over the world. The problem is that this type of division (well, any type I guess) wrecks havoc in communities and essentially keeps those that are living in poverty in poverty because it isn't likely that in a small village only a couple of people will break out of poverty while the rest continue to live in it. Focusing only on certain families over a long period of time would make no sense at all. Of course much of what has been done and will continue to be done has been with the families that attend Marco's church, but we are there not just to focus on one church family and each time we are there strive to work with more families than the last trip. You can't alleviate poverty without COMMUNITY development. Community is the key word. And you can't really start community development when a community is so divided that there is no trust within churches, not to mention no trust between churches of differing denominations and especially between Christians and people that are not Christians. For a year it feels like we have been gathering pieces of a puzzle. In May we were able to put many of those pieces together to realize that this is what it is like in Pueblo Nuevo. Families within the church do not trust each other. No church (or pastor of that church) trusts another of a different denomination. And there is absolutely no trust between Christians and people that are not Christians. In fact many that are not Christians have been ostracized so severely that they want absolutely nothing to do with anyone of the Christian faith.

What we learned in May isn't shocking. It is common, actually. It's hard to deal with. It takes a long time and a lot of work. But eventually when you continue to work to build and strengthen relationships, change begins to occur. I have heard it time and time again from people that have gone through this in just one area and those that have been working in the field of poverty alleviation for years. Their advice, "It seems impossible. Do not give up! You are only just beginning. This is going to take a while. Some people may not understand it. They may think that nothing is being accomplished, but what is being accomplished with every trip is bigger than you realize right now. Keep going. You are already starting to see hearts soften. God is breaking down walls that have been standing for too long and it is only the tip of what is to come. Those walls, the walls among families, within the church, between churches, they all have to fall before a unified wall can begin to be built. With every need that is met, every hug that is given, every time you are there, a wall is going to fall or at the very least be cracked. This may be just one small village in Guatemala, but never be broken down enough as to think that this one small village doesn't matter. It matters to Him. You know the families that you love matter to Him. You love them because of Him. Remember that and you will see the walls continue to fall and before you know it you will begin to see families living lives on the other side of poverty. And with that, your mission of orphan prevention will come full circle as fewer children will be left to live as orphans."

Oh how I cherish encouragement like this from people that know what it is like because they have lived it. Sometimes it does feel so overwhelming and so often I have no idea where to begin in even thinking about it all. We have to continue working to meet needs now as we focus on long-term poverty alleviation. But how can we focus on that when we can't even get some of the local pastors to meet with each other? For weeks my mind has been spinning with thoughts and ideas of how to bridge some of these issues. It feels easier to be able to meet with families that are not Christians than to deal with so much division between people that claim to share the same faith.

Yesterday in church as we continued our current sermon series, "Ephesians: God's Blueprint for the Church", I 1) wanted to climb under the pew to hide because I am guilty of so much that was mentioned and 2) because those notes are being tucked away in my Bible and will be traveling with me every time I go to Guatemala. The message yesterday was on Ephesians 2: 11-22.

I won't type it all, but I will copy part of it.

"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, but on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit." Ephesians 2: 19-22 (NIV)

We are all "fellow citizens and members of God's household". We are brothers and sisters in Christ. But how often do we not act as if we belong to the same Father? How often do we forget or ignore the fact that God loves each of us and He does not want to see us hurt each other? I will be the first to admit that this is why I wanted to crawl under the pew. It felt like I had the word GUILTY stamped across my forehead. I sat there asking myself, "How far can I sink back in this seat," as Mike Holmes, our Associate Pastor of Ministries, poured out a list of how Christians treat other Christians badly and how we are responsible for giving Christianity a bad image and often turning people that are not Christians away from faith. "Right here. Guilty! So horribly guilty!" Thank God for mercy and forgiveness. We are all guilty of this in some way, but it isn't comfortable (but it IS necessary) to have it put boldly in your face like this.

As Mike continued speaking, I began to think of how all of this relates to what is going on in Pueblo Nuevo. How Christians there are at odds with other Christians because of differences in beliefs and opinions. If someone worships differently than another, that is wrong. If someone wears pants instead of skirts or dresses,that is wrong. If someone allows their child to go to school, that is wrong. If you attend a different church, that is wrong. And if you are not a Christian, you might as well stay far away because there is no room for you to be a part of this community.

According to When Helping Hurts, poverty is rooted in broken relationships...with God, with self, with others and with creation. As I have said before, I believe that every Christian involved in any type of missions work (within the U.S. or internationally), which should be EVERY Christian and especially pastors and those that lead ministries and organizations should read this book. It is true. While we can spend time focusing on a number of types of poverty (material poverty being the first that most would think about), unless we get to the root of what caused that poverty to begin with, we aren't likely to see long-term success in any of our alleviation efforts. What is at the root of poverty according to this book, even if it is from generations long ago? Broken relationships. And the more you learn about poverty, the more you see...they are right on with their definition of it.

If we ever wondered just how severe poverty is in Pueblo Nuevo, we have learned that it is severe. This typical Guatemalan village is just like the rest. Some families have greater needs than others, but poverty is widespread and holds in its grasp every family there. There may not be children left abandoned on the sides of the road, swarmed by flies and starving to death, but poverty is very real here and if things do not change it will get much worse. But in order to change the future, we have to at least glance at the past and break through some of what has caused this division. Without some sort of unity, the alleviation of poverty community wide will be all but impossible to accomplish. We do not expect everyone to be best friends. There will always be differences in opinions, religion, etc., but working toward to the same goal with disregard to those differences is a must.

So how do we go about bringing unity to this area? How do we help bring unity to the Church (the body of Christ) when there isn't even unity in individual churches? How do we reach people that are not Christians when just the fact that WE are Christians has them on the defense because of how they have been treated by other Christians in the past?

The answer is simple. Mike repeated it several times and it will likely travel with me everywhere I go from now on.

"The cross levels division."

I love that statement; I just have to say it again.

"THE CROSS LEVELS DIVISION."

That is the answer. We will not bring unity to Pueblo Nuevo. We may be used to help repair broken relationships, but the division that exists cannot be bridged solely by anything we can do.

All we can do is keep going. Keep following His lead and doing what we know He is calling us to do. Keep working and keep giving Him the glory for it all. In the end, He has this under control. The cross levels division and the division in Pueblo Nuevo is not an exception to that.

My trip dates have changed from leaving this Friday to leaving July 9. Another trip, another crack in a wall and hopefully a wall collapsed as we work to help families rebuild their physical walls.

We are blessed to be a part of what God is doing in this part of Guatemala. I pray that as we work to bring people together, that we ourselves will not be a hindrance in any way. It is so easy both here in the U.S. and while we are in Guatemala to look at other Christians and judge what they are doing or not doing and it is just as easy to judge those outside of the Christian faith. For the rest of my life my prayer will remain the same. The mistakes that we have made in the past are in the past. I pray for now and the future...

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock, and my Redeemer." Psalm 19: 14 (NIV)

2nd Annual AAB Yard Sale

2010-06-15T11:43:00.002-05:00

Dana of Dana Scott Photography, with the help of Fellowship Church in Prairieville, LA has generously offered to help us with a summer fundraiser. Together we will hold the 2nd annual AAB yard sale at Fellowship Church on July 24, 2010. We may also have a bake sale and jambalaya plate lunch sale that day as well.

We are currently collecting items for the sale. If you are interested in donating items to be sold and/or supplying any type of baked good, please email me at terry (at) acrossallborders (dot) org.

We also need several volunteers to help us set up the evening of Friday, July 23 and help us work the sale all day Saturday, July 24. If you would like to be involved please email me at the above address.

Thank you to Dana and the pastors of Fellowship Church for working with us on this!

This summer is full of cool AAB fundraisers. In the coming days I will be giving details about our 2nd annual golf tournament and making an announcement about an exciting upcoming fundraiser that we are calling "Pennies for Pencils".

New Life & Peace Ministries

2010-06-14T22:59:00.002-05:00

(Photo Source: New Life & Peace Ministries)

Across All Borders loves the mission of New Life & Peace Ministries. If you are even an occasional reader here you will know them by the name Rehoboth Children's Home. What most people do not know is that the children's home is one of multiple ministries directed by the Barbella's.

In addition to Rehoboth, New Life & Peace operates a church and two rehab facilities in two countries. Rehoboth has recently been blessed by a missionary that will be serving there for the next two years and one of the many things she will be doing is maintaining their blog. Please take a few minutes to visit their new blog, learn more about their ministries and become a follower.

I am so excited because unless plans change again at the last minute, which could be the case but I hope not, I will traveling to Guatemala next Friday and will be able to spend the afternoon at Rehoboth. I cannot wait to see the children, Chici and Victor and to finally meet Naomi in person, the missionary that has lived in Guatemala for a year and who's blog I have been following for that long.

Pueblo Nuevo Update

2010-06-08T21:58:00.003-05:00

We were blessed this weekend by two friends in Guatemala that were willing to travel to Pueblo Nuevo to assess some of the damage and get a better idea of the immediate needs of families that we are working with there. A missionary that is serving at Rehoboth Children's Home for the next two years and the director of Rehoboth both went to Pueblo Nuevo and their reports have been more than helpful in making decisions on what needs to be done. (Thanks again to you both!)

What a blessing it was to hear that there is not as much damage as we originally feared. There is damage, some severe, but the situation could have been much worse and we are praising God for His hand of protection that covered the areas of Pueblo Nuevo and nearby Parramos. We are also thankful that those that had access to running water before the storm have had it restored since. While the initial reports were more alarming than our latest update, there are still needs that need to be addressed as soon as possible and we are working quickly to begin addressing those needs.

Homes of families that we have already spent time with have been damaged. Some have severe damage and it is just a matter of time before their entire homes are lost. We will do whatever we can to help them repair or rebuild their homes. Most of these homes are of families that are a part of the Tulio's church or children that often participate in the children's ministry.

There is another group of people in Pueblo Nuevo that are outcasts and are resistant to visits from the Church, wanting nothing to do with Christians. We have known about this group of families which are the poorest of the poor in Pueblo Nuevo for the last year and for that long we have prayed for a way to be able to reach them. These are the families that received the most damage and have the most immediate needs. Some of their homes are literally falling off of the side of the mountain due to storm damage. We have been told that some of these families do not have running water, do not have bathrooms and have no electricity. They do not allow their children to go to school and have no desire to hear anything about the Word of God. From what I understand, they have been ostracized by Christians in the community and rarely have contact with anyone outside of their personal secluded circle.

What is a ministry to do in this situation? There is only one answer.

This morning as I spent time in Romans 10, I read familiar words that reassured me that this is the path we are to be walking.

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" Romans 10: 14-15 (NIV)

This brought me back to last night as I read the introduction to a "personal reflection series" by Beth Moore that I have wanted to do for some time, but until now have never made the time to do it. Her words struck me in such a way that I found myself crying and thinking how if I had to describe my feelings about the subject, I would not be able to say anything different than she did.

"That Son of His is the dearest thing in my whole life. I don't have pens or paper enough to express my gratitude for the privilege of knowing Him and loving Him. The little I know is so transforming and revolutionary to me that I yearn to know more. My chief request of God is that He will supernaturally flood my life with an unending, ever-increasing desire for His Son. Jesus is not only my delight; He is my safety. Loving Him with absolute abandon is no doubt in my own best interest. As one who has been delivered from a life of defeat and hidden self-destruction, my deepest desire for every man, woman, youth, and child is to find that love...Jesus is the most wonderful, most graceful, most exciting, most redemptive thing that has ever happened to me. He is my life. I cannot express on paper my love for Him. It is a love that has grown in incongruous bits and pieces, baby steps, leaps, bounds, tumbles, and falls...decade after decade."
Beth Moore, Jesus: 90 Days with the One and Only

I could not have said it better. I am so in love with Jesus that there is no way that I can remain silent when I know that there are people in Pueblo Nuevo (and around the world) that have never had the opportunity to hear about Him. Simply put, we could be like so many others and ignore the needs of these families in Pueblo Nuevo or we can take this time to minister to them through acts of love. From the beginning of AAB and for the rest of my life I will continue to say that we cannot do just one or the other. We cannot share the Gospel and ignore the physical needs of those we work with and we cannot meet physical needs without making Christ known and giving all of the glory to God. Jesus did both. So will we. My heart is broken by the fact that these families are struggling in a way that is not comprehensible, but even more broken by the way they have been treated in the past. It is time to show them through our actions that being a Christian has nothing to do with hate. There could not be a more perfect time to reach out to them than this.

As with most disasters, plans often change quickly and we are delaying the travel of a team until after I visit Guatemala for a quick 2 day trip in the next few weeks to make sure that once our team is there, we will be allowed to work in this part of the village in addition to the part of Pueblo Nuevo that we are already familiar with. Please pray with us that hearts will be softened and opened so that we will be allowed to work with these families that until now have been resistant to visits from Christians and for all families that continue to struggle with the aftermath of Agatha. Damage throughout Guatemala remains a huge concern and we are praying for every person that has been touched by this disaster.

Shipping Items to Guatemala

2010-06-04T22:24:00.005-05:00

For the last week I have been working non-stop trying to figure out how to best help the village of Pueblo Nuevo and other areas of Guatemala that are struggling with the destruction caused by the eruption of Pacaya and tropical storm Agatha. The majority of people have no idea the extent of damage that was done and the extreme conditions people are living in so raising much needed funds just to provide emergency relief has been difficult to say the least. AAB is not the only ministry struggling with this. I have spoken with many other organizations over the last few days that are also having a difficult time meeting the immediate needs of those they serve in the communities they are committed to because they are finding it difficult to raise financial support. My discussions with them is for another post. All I can say now is that I love hearing the hearts of others that feel the way I do and I know that just like mine, their hearts are breaking with each passing day that they are not able to do more for the children and families that they personally love so much.

Between endless phone calls and emails, trying to raise money for basic needs like food, water, medication, home building supplies and all other necessities, I am trying to respond to a growing number of emails and Facebook messages asking if we are accepting donations of items such as clothes, shoes, blankets, food items, medication, etc. We sincerely appreciate the offers of these items that are, indeed, needed in Guatemala perhaps now more than ever, but we are unable to accept those items at this time. This is why...

We understand the desire to want to physically shop for items for the people of Guatemala. To want to clean out your daughter's closet and donate her outgrown shoes and clothes. Who would not feel good about packing a large box of supplies and sending them to Guatemala knowing that those items will be received by someone in need. Even I have done it in the past before realizing how much damage that can do to a community that is already in extreme poverty. I am not one to intentionally offend people and I know that I will likely receive emails or comments about this from people that disagree, but for the love of Guatemala, I think it is time to get as real about this as possible. I am far from the only person that feels this way, but until now have kept my strong feelings to myself. At this time, when there is so much devastation in Guatemala, I believe it is time to make clear just how much damage can and will be done by shipping items to Guatemala. I know that there are some groups that are already planning shipments and I commend them for their kindness and wanting to help, but I beg you...please consider what could really happen if shipments like these continue arriving in Guatemala (and in other poverty stricken countries).

It costs money to ship things to us and then a lot of money for us to get those items to Guatemala, either in excess luggage or in shipments. I want to show you exactly how much more can be done with all of those shipping fees if they were turned into monetary donations instead and tell you what happens to people in countries that we love so much when large shipments supplies arrive.

For the $20-$25 it may cost you to ship this box (the last USPS box we received cost $25.01 to ship) that includes a few pairs of shoes, underwear, socks and 10 stuffed toys.....

(photo source: http://www.prioritymail.com/)

We could fill a reusable bag with enough masa harina, black beans, rice, consumme, salt, sugar, pasta, oil, potatoes, oranges, bread, cookies, oatmeal and laundry and dish soap bars (all basic items for making typical meals of torillas, rice and beans and some extra "goodies") for a family to have one meal a day for about 3 weeks.

(Photo of just some of the food bags we distributed in December 2009.)

For the nearly $50 that it costs you to ship this box (the last UPS box we received cost $46.11 to ship) filled with 15 pairs of toddler shoes, a couple of blankets, toys, school supplies and other items to us...

We could provide a family with a water filter that is capable of producing 10 gallons of clean water every day.

(Photo source: http://www.helpsintl.org/)

For the $300-$400 PER BOX that it costs to ship all of those items to Guatemala...

(Photo Source: http://www.migenteweb.com/)

We could provide at least 2 families with stoves just for the cost of ONE box ($150 per stove). So far, each shipment we have made has consisted of multiple boxes which could have resulted in a large number of families receiving stoves so that they no longer have to use...

(Photo source: http://www.onilstove.com/)

...these. This is the way most families in Pueblo Nuevo and many other families in Guatemala are forced to cook. These are usually found in their homes in front of walls and under tin roofs covered in black soot. No wonder many women have a cough that never fades and worsens over time. I can only imagine the illnesses that spending so much time cooking this way causes.

(Photo taken by Dana S. during our Oct. 2009 mission trip.)

Instead of spending hundreds, often thousands of dollars shipping things to Guatemala, we could build this, a stable home, for approximately $2000.

(Photo source: http://www.habitat.org/)

All of this could be done with just the amount of money spent in shipping fees.

But why should we NOT ship items to Guatemala or anywhere else where poverty is an issue? The needs are great. People need shoes, clothing, blankets. Children need school supplies. Because sometimes, as I have said before and will never stop saying, sometimes when we think we are helping we are actually hurting the people that we desperately want to help.

In Guatemala and around the world, we can purchase shoes. We can purchase clothes. We can buy school supplies. And for the most part, while they may not be name-brand shoes and they may be second hand clothes, it costs less for us to purchase them there that it does to ship them there. There are places in Guatemala where I can buy shirts for 3Q and on ever corner there is a stand selling shoes for 20Q. There are piles among piles among piles of underwear and socks for sale in markets for very low prices. Much lower than the cost of shipping those items. And every time we purchase some of those items in Guatemala, someone makes money. Someone is able to provide food for his family that night. Someone is able to take their child in for medical treatment.

But what happens when Americans send boxes and boxes of supplies that are needed, but could be purchased in Guatemala? We destroy local businesses, we take incomes away from workers that count on their jobs to provide for their families. We close shoe stores because of the number of shoes we distribute. We close clothing stores because who want to pay for clothing when they can get it for free from us. We close those store fronts that sell very inexpensive school supplies. We create beggars. We ruin jobs. We end the availability to adequate medical care. We end the chance for children to receive an education. We create orphans. We could easily destroy lives in the long run.

I know it sounds harsh. I know it sounds almost unbelievable to hear that our well meaning intentions could cause such damage to people's lives, but please think about it. If we spend so much money shipping items to Guatemala that could be used to provide food, water filters, stoves, homes, medical care. To help create jobs, enroll children in school and establish programs that will impact entire communities for generations, shouldn't we re-evaluate just how important those few items that are packed in boxes really are and how much more could be done if we just donate the money to a ministry or organization that is working to alleviate poverty so those items will no longer be a need? And if our distributions of shoes, clothes and home items takes even one sale away from local vendors and artisans which causes them to not be able to care for their families which quickly puts them in the cycle of poverty, shouldn't we stop doing such distributions and start making those purchases in-country instead?

To prevent children from becoming orphans, we have to alleviate poverty. Poverty alleviation IS orphan prevention! It is not an option. The orphan crisis will continue to grow unless we start REALLY thinking about how we contribute to the crisis by trying to help in these ways. We cannot alleviate poverty by ending jobs. We have to create jobs and that doesn't happen by wasting money on shipping fees and handouts of items that can and should be purchased in country.

Even now in the aftermath of Agatha, emergency relief supplies, shoes, clothing, blankets and every thing else that is needed can and should be purchased in Guatemala. Now more than ever we cannot take away income from families by purchasing items here and shipping them there. AAB is working to be able to provide families with their immediate needs of water, food, medical supplies/care and home repair as emergency relief. Once the needs of families in Pueblo Nuevo are met, we will return to plans of development as we work to alleviate poverty in this area.

This is an ongoing debate in the field of missions and I know that some people reading this disagree, but I ask you to please think about it before becoming angry and bashing me for my opinion of this. Do you really want to help the people of Guatemala? Or anyone in the world living in poverty? Helping long term goes far beyond giving them a pair of shoes because those shoes are going to wear out quickly. What will he do then?

If you agree with this, take the money that you would have spent on shipping items and donate them to an organization that has the mission of poverty alleviation. As always, we welcome your donations as we work to provide relief to the village of Pueblo Nuevo and move back into the development phase (poverty alleviation) to ensure that fewer children in this generation and those to come become orphans. We want your support. We need your support. Not for ourselves, but for the same people in Guatemala that your hearts are broken for. We all want what is best and we want to see them live the lives that we are all meant to live...lives that bring glory to God. Imagine how much glory He receives each time a person is able to step of the bondage of poverty. When he is able to provide for his family without the assistance of foreign aid. And imagine how much glory He receives when He uses us to help them to do that. Lives are changed. Ours and theirs. It doesn't come from handouts and even in disaster, when distributions are necessary, it doesn't come by having your income taken by outsiders carrying in boxes of gently used shoes.

Please continue to pray for the people of Guatemala and those of us that are working on multiple ways to bring assistance to those in need. And please pray for wisdom to know the best way for YOU to help.

Thank you to those that have donated financially this week and to those that have offered to help in every way. Thank you to those that have offered to donate items to ship to Guatemala. I know your hearts and love the hearts of every person that has offered to donate items. It is so hard to know the best way to handle situations like this unless you have spent a lot of time on the ground learning about what works and what doesn't and researching every aspect of poverty alleviation. I do not have the answers to it all. I never will. But I do know that some things work better than others and sometimes we have to swallow our pride and realize that what we've been doing is hurting those we love.

Relief Team Needed to Travel Next Week

2010-06-02T09:29:00.002-05:00

We are currently forming a relief team to travel to Guatemala as early as next week. Right now we are hoping to be in Guatemala June 12 - 17. These dates are subject to change.

The mission trip fee for this trip is $985. This includes lodging, in-country transportation, travel insurance and dinner each night. Airfare is NOT included and it is the responsibility of the team member to obtain his/her own ticket.

If you are interested in this trip, please email terry@acrossallborders.org as soon as possible. As soon as we have enough interest, we can finalize the trip date and make reservations.

Emergency Relief Needed for Pueblo Nuevo (Guatemala)

2010-05-31T23:24:00.002-05:00

After the eruption of Pacaya and the wrath of Tropical Storm Agatha, the country of Guatemala has been devastated, once again, by disaster. There is not a lot of media coverage about this and most media outlets are minimizing this country's distress and focusing only on the relatively low death count. (Low in comparison to hundreds and thousands sometimes killed in other disasters.) You can read one of the short reports below. Note that we were just in Chimaltenango a month ago and this department is very close to Pueblo Nuevo.

Fox News report

Make no mistake, regardless of the lack of media coverage, the involvement of other countries and the lack of celebrities hosting telethons. This disaster could have been much worse (and it will get worse before it gets better), but Guatemala has been hit hard by this and is in desperate need for help.

The village of Pueblo Nuevo is not an exception. For days I have prayed not to receive the news I received tonight. I prayed for all of Guatemala because I love the country as a whole and all that live there, but of course I prayed through all of the bad news we were hearing that this village would be spared. It was not.

Homes have been lost and severely damaged. Most personal belongings, which is usually only basic necessities, have been ruined by water and mud. Because of the destruction, most families lost what little food they had, have no water and are in need of shelter (or more stable shelter). The risk of mudslides continues. Even though Agatha has moved out, it is rainy season and the chance of rain is always there. Because every thing has been ruined, families now more than ever lack clothing, shoes, what is needed to care for their children and themselves. They are living in extremely dangerous situations...in homes that were already not stable, but now are even weaker, on the side of a mountain as they watch the ground wash out from underneath them.

I think I have made it very clear that we love these families in Guatemala as if they are our own families. In fact I do consider them to be our families. Over the last year this has grown into something that is far beyond myself. We may not have been prepared for this, but we knew that it was inevitable. For now we must look outside of our mission of orphan prevention through family outreach (poverty alleviation) and focus on relief.

Rarely have I openly asked for monetary donations. I have asked for donations and then said that if you do not want to support AAB then please support another organization. I still say that. No matter who you support, just do something. But for the first time I am pleading with you to please donate to AAB today. We know the families that are struggling. Help us feed them. Help us provide water for them. Help us help them rebuild or repair their homes. This isn't about asking for donations for something that may be done next year. It isn't about long term relief projects. That is important...imperative...but for now, this is about survival. I am asking for donations that you will see used in the coming weeks. You may not be able to physically distribute food and other supplies and do construction, but you will see exactly how your donations are being used here through frequent updates and photos. Please donate today!

We cannot ship large boxes of clothing and shoes right now, but we can buy them there. We cannot bring large quantities of food from the U.S. right now, but we can buy it there. I know that you want to see your physical donations being distributed, but it is better for the people of Guatemala that we continue to purchase what we can there ensuring that more maintain their incomes. To donate, please click on the donate button on the top of the sidebar.

Other ways you can help:

Spread the word. Donate your statuses to Guatemala updates every day for a while. Blog about it. Make sure people know the real extent of what is happening there.

Fundraise. Hold a bake sale. Yard sale. Car wash. Anything you can to raise even the smallest amount of money and then donate it to a charity that is providing emergency relief in Guatemala. Of course we would love to use whatever you are able to raise to help the people of Pueblo Nuevo, but if you would like a list of other organizations providing relief, I will be happy to email them to you.

Make the decision to join a team. We will be traveling to Guatemala in the coming weeks for our first emergency relief mission trip. I will announce the dates of that trip hopefully by the end of the week. During this trip we will distribute basic necessities including food and water and begin to make a plan for rebuilding. If you have ever wanted to travel on a mission trip, now would be a great time to go. The need is huge and we cannot do this alone. If you are interested in traveling on an upcoming relief trip, please email terry@acrossallborders.org.

Pray. Continue to pray for safety for the people of Guatemala. And pray for us as we seek out the best way to handle the devastation in Pueblo Nuevo.

On behalf of families in Pueblo Nuevo that I am told are praying for help and have no idea what else to do, thank you for your support!

Elysia - the new blog "follower"

2010-05-20T23:26:00.003-05:00

Hello to you! It is not like me to write a post based off of a "you probably think this is crazy" comment, but since you do not have a blog for me to comment on and I have no idea how to get in touch with you, here is an AAB blog post just for you. How is that for crazy? ;)

Of course I remember our flight! I am assuming you were the one sitting in the middle of the plane on the same row as us, is that right? If so, I remember you and thought about you yesterday. How did you like that apology letter and bonus miles for our "delay" (if you have a sky miles account)? I wondered if you would ever get back on plane again after returning home from Guate, let alone with that airline. I'm so happy to hear that it won't be keeping you from traveling again.

Thanks for your prayers! I am impressed that you remembered our name after all of that drama. Do you know when you will go back to Guatemala?

We Cry Out

2010-05-17T23:39:00.006-05:00

Our ten weeks of Breaking Free came to an end last week with one last assignment that includes a brief writing, a covenant, that is to be shared with someone (or several someones) close to us and then sealed. Our small group of sometimes loud, sometimes quiet, sometimes laughing and sometimes crying women decided that there is just no way we can stop meeting weekly so this week when we get together to share our last assignment we will decide what study to do from here. To be honest, I was beginning to wonder what I was going to do without my weekly time of refreshment and I'm not talking about our never-ending supply of chips and salsa. Thankfully my Thursday nights will remain full of fellowship and what is bound to be the occasional barking frogs and getting home at midnight fun. (Trust me. You had to be there to understand.)

Regardless of what we do next, the last ten weeks have been so beneficial. Writing all of the things that have been realized and remembered, let go of and binded to would take a while and I am not going to share much about it because it has been a time of such personal growth. But tonight as I sat down to write what will be sealed Thursday evening, I was, as usual, at a loss for words. Once I begin writing it's easy for me to continue. Beginning is the hard part.

My pen sat next to a blank sheet of paper for while. Brief has never described me or anything that I write. How could I keep this brief? How could I sum up all that I want to say to God in this covenant in a paragraph? Then a song that I love so much began playing in the background and as it always does reached right into my heart. Writing perhaps my shortest prayer, my forever promise, became easy. It should be so simple and what should be done every day, through it all, but it isn't always easy to let go completely and cling only to Him.

Lord,
When fear begins to consume me and when I am living fearlessly in You...
When doubt clouds my mind and when I am walking the path with certainty...
When questions come and when You answer...
When my heart breaks and when it is healed...
Whenever I follow and when I realize that I have forgotten to...
Through it all, what is good and what is not,
I will turn to You and not myself.
I will cry out Your name. El Shaddai, God of Grace, Lord Most High, Jesus Christ.
I will rely on Your grace because only through that am I saved.

Faces and Names

2010-05-13T00:20:00.011-05:00

2007. Newly opened eyes and an open heart, finally willing to follow His way instead of my own. A walk in the place that would soon feel like home and an image that is forever burned into my soul. A mother and her son. Begging for money, for food, for hope.

Nothing new. The same thing plays out on every corner every day. But that day, that moment, everything became new. When my eyes first landed on the bundle of color that was crouched on the sidewalk holding a small, plastic bowl and a small child, I thought about turning away. I thought about crossing the street. I thought about ignoring them completely. I thought about dropping a coin or two in the bowl and going on with my day, with my life. But that would have been me before the pleading. That would have been me just one day earlier. Instead as I approached I realized that I was seeing one of the most incredible sights of my life. Somehow I knew that I would never be the same and instead of fighting the life long conviction of spending my life working with "the least of these", I embraced it. This was the start of something. I could almost hear the Lord whisper, "They are mine and I love them just as I love you. What are you going to do to help them?" I did not have an answer and as I fumbled through my bag trying to find my camera because I knew I would want to remember that very moment, tears filled my eyes because there was nothing I could do. I could drop money in the bowl. I could bend down and speak to them in a language that they would not understand. I could, for just a moment, pour out an ounce of love that could come only from Him. I did all of those and then I walked away. Because there was nothing else I could do. How I wish they knew what a large part they play in this story. I am convinced that they will one day. I believe that one day the vividness of a photo will come to life in what was their once dark, hollow eyes. I believe the look of despair will be gone and we will all laugh the loudest of laughs together. I believe that one day I will know their names and they will know mine. One day. Until that day comes, I will never stop talking about them and never stop remembering the impact they continue to have on my life.

2010. Trip number four in less than 12 months. I see the same faces and I know many of them by name. Only a handful are uncomfortable with our presence there. Now, instead of holding tightly to their children, mothers smile and wink at me as their children run full speed into my arms. Most learned quickly that we are not there to harm anyone or to take their children. They are not just dirty faces in photos or numbers in a poverty statistic. These are our friends, our neighbors, our families and we love them. Every single one of them. In just a year, actually, in just 4 weeks, this has happened. I wonder what it will look like ten years from now? I imagine it will look similar to my relationship with God. I'm pretty sure I will look back on old prayer journals and notes and say, "...and I thought I loved them then." His once quiet whisper has grown into a soft roar over the years. There was a time last year when He whispered for the last time, "They are mine and I love them just as I love you. What are you going to do to help them?" But now all I hear is, "They are mine. I know every one. And I love them more than you ever could. There is nothing that you can do alone so don't even try. But if you keep holding on to Me...if you keep following My way, you will see lives transformed...their lives and yours." I long to know every name, to know every battle, to know every heart's desire, but no matter how close I may get to each person in Pueblo Nuevo, I will never know them the way that He does. Still, how different life is and love is when you can put a name to a face, when you can hold a hand, when you can give a hug and somewhat know the person you are touching. This must be so different than short term mission teams that take many trips, but rarely return to the same place or who send different leadership on every trip. Because our mission is long-term development as orphan prevention instead of short term relief, we will continue to get to know the people of Pueblo Nuevo and continue to fall more in love with them. How different life is as you begin to put names to faces and as hearts begin to connect in a way that is indescribable. We are working for an entire village. Our goal is not to do anything to them or for them. We are not trying to change anyone. But we are working WITH them to help them break the chain of poverty that has been choking them for generations. As we work with this village, there are children and families that we already know by name and that have such a hold on our hearts that the thought of them often makes it difficult to breathe. The number of personal stories and struggles grows each time we are there. There are times when I doubt that my heart can hold another, but somehow it always stretches to allow another one in. This trip was no different. I will write more details about the trip soon, but this morning my mind is racing and I feel the stabs of injustice from many miles away. And I just have to let it out.

It has gotten to the point that I hesitate to share photos of families and children in Pueblo Nuevo online. I know that in order to bring support to this area, I have to, but there is just something about putting their precious faces and stories online that rattles me. I do not want people that do not know them to look on them with pity and then forget about them five minutes later. What I want is for people to know and love them, to really love them, and never forget them. I do not want them to be just photos in someones mind. I want them to be as real to you as they are to me. The people of Pueblo Nuevo, the rest of Guatemala and in fact, the rest of the world, do not need our pity. They deserve so much more than that. So while I have hundreds of photos at my fingertips that could be used to provoke pity and to encourage people to donate money because the situation is "so sad", I will not post them. I know that a lot of people do post pictures of starving, fly-swarmed children in an effort to tug on the heart strings of potential donors. We certainly want you to see through to the heart of these families and we want your heart strings to be pulled, just not by pity. Right now I am not asking for donations and I am not sharing details about upcoming projects. For the first time, I am asking for prayer for specific children in Pueblo Nuevo. As always, I ask that you continue to pray for all of the children and families there, but today would you stop for a moment to put a name with a face and go before the Throne on their behalves? More than pity, that is what is needed and because of that, I want to share briefly those that are weighing most heavily on me this morning.

Maria

We first saw her last June, first learned her name in October. She was incredibly shy and behind her eyes was intense fear not caused by us. I was not sure why, but I had a feeling that someone was responsible for the terror that struck me each time I looked at her and what was worse is that I knew she had to return to it if that was the case. We talked to her about the children's ministry and for the first time she attended. This is one of the few smiles we saw from her that week. In December, she was shocked when she realized we remembered her and not just her, but her name. The biggest smile crept across her face and I have never received such a big hug from a child for such a simple reason. But it wasn't simple to her. We couldn't remember all names, but we remembered hers. We knew her and that brought her so much joy. The rest of the week she was happy and smiling every time we were near her. She freely hugged me over and over and was sad to see us go. Last week, Maria was a different child. She is not allowed to attend the children's ministry and not once did we see her smile. As I reached out to hug her, she pulled away, almost cringed under the touch of my hand. I do not know much about her, but I do know that she is fighting a battle and for now appears to be losing it. What she doesn't know is that I believe that her battle is already won and that I will walk through fire to bring that Truth to her. Whatever she is facing and whatever is yet to come in her young life, I will not give up on Maria. The child we saw in December is in there somewhere.

Carmen

Carmen is a mom. Each trip she welcomes us into her home and shares a little more of her life with us. She is a compassionate woman that loves her children and all of the children in Pueblo Nuevo. I'm not sure why, but she is one of the handful of moms that I felt instantly connected to. She is warm and friendly and there is just something about her that I cannot explain. Her life is not easy. It never has been. But she has more faith than I have ever known. I so often pray to be the kind of person that when people look at me or talk to me, they know without a doubt that I am a Christian because the love of God is evident in every thing I say and do. I am far from being that person. Maybe that is why Carmen is often on my heart. Because she IS that woman and there is so much that I can learn from her. She may not know it yet and even I do not know what is in store, but something is in the works for her family and I can't wait to be a part of it.

Yoni

The boy in the top of this photo is Yoni. Yoni captured my heart in October. If you think a child that is struggling in a life of poverty cannot be happy, you are wrong. Yoni was a very happy child. His smile was contagious. It was obvious that he loved life and laughing was one of his favorite things to do. In December, he was still smiling and laughing. Full of life. Full of joy. Despite the circumstances. Last week, I knew the moment I saw him that something was wrong. There was no smile. His expression was blank. And instead of playing around to get our attention, he withdrew. We walked away from his house our first day and I kept saying that something was wrong. My heart was crushed for him and I desperately wanted to know what had happened to him. We returned the next day to speak with his mother and learned what is going on. Yoni is 12 years old. He started the third grade for the third time in January. Soon after, he was forced to leave school and cannot return because he has a "memory problem". He now works in the fields all day, every day. I can only imagine what he thinks about all of this. I have no idea what is causing his "memory problem" or if he even has one. He enjoyed school and I know that he would rather be there than in the fields. According to his lack of expression most of last week, I know that he thinks his life is now hopeless. It is not.

He has no idea that the woman that grabbed his ear last week in order to get a real smile instead of a forced one is now 1600 miles away sick with worry about him and praying every day for the wisdom to know how to handle his case and all of the others. He has no idea that while we are constantly working to come up with ways to reach Pueblo Nuevo long term and beginning to zone in on education, that HE is now at the front of my mind and when I meet with the local school in August that his name will be the first that is spoken. He has no idea that I will do whatever it takes to pull him out of the fields, find out more about his "memory problem" and help him return to school. He has no idea that at this moment there are advocates standing in the gap that are going to fight for his future. We know his face and his name for a reason. God did not lay this child so heavily on my heart just to have me turn away.

There are so many others. Every child that we meet, every name that we learn stays with us and we carry them with us always. They are a part of me and forever will be. I know that I write similar things often, but I just can't help myself. This morning Carolyn called to say how much she misses Guatemala and how it's strange to look at pictures from our trips now because "we know them". I was in the process of already writing this when she called. Those are my thoughts exactly. We know them. We love them. And every day we are working out the next steps...to turn it around, to end poverty there...hopefully in this generation, to make sure that they do not become orphans, to see them again. I am so happy that we consistently travel to Guatemala so that we always have a fresh, vivid memory of what this feels like and so that they continue to learn that we love them, but most importantly, that He loves them.

Is Foreign Aid Bad?

2010-05-12T15:35:00.002-05:00

For months I have been trying to find the words to explain how sometimes...no, more like often...we hurt the very people we are trying to help in countries that are so close to our hearts by our hand-outs of relief supplies that either aren't needed or are quickly used up and not replaced and goods that aren't exactly necessary. I have wanted to get across how the mission of AAB is NOT relief and how any time we (any organization, church, etc.) bring in large amounts of foreign aid, we hurt the weak and usually non-existent economy even more. Not to mention, our handouts often turn people into the beggars that they never wanted to be and sometimes gives the humble a big ol' God-complex. Personally, all of that is something that I am trying avoid like the plague. One reason December's trip was so difficult for me was because all of the distribution HURT local business owners and the lines for shoes and food baskets was, to me, the equivalent of silent begging. I am not saying that distribution is never needed. Sometimes it is. And even AAB will, on occasion, distribute supplies. At Christmas, for instance, our families will receive a gift of a food bag and the children will receive much needed school supplies. But it will all be handled differently from now on and will only be a once yearly gift. Other than that, we will rarely distribute anything else unless a disaster causes the need for emergency relief. But back to the point. I have been trying to write about last week's trip since we returned, but cannot even begin to describe it without first going in to how sometimes we hurt people more by trying to help them. This is a touchy subject and I do not want to offend anyone...anyone that has supported AAB in the past or currently and certainly not those that are working tirelessly in the missions field in whatever way they believe they are called to work. But we know that for us, our mission goes far beyond handouts because in most cases, it is development that is needed, not relief. Thanks to a friend for sharing this link with me today. It sums up a lot of what we think and is the perfect starting point in describing the trip and what comes next. Obviously we are not working in Africa yet, but that doesn't matter. Poverty alleviation efforts may vary around world, but the core remains the same. The same efforts that are bad for countries in Africa are usually bad for countries like Guatemala, too.

(Article can be found at http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1987628,00.html?hpt=T2)

Bad Charity? (All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt!)
By Nick Wadhams / Nairobi Wednesday, May. 12, 2010

In the history of foreign aid, it looked pretty harmless: a young Florida businessman decided to collect a million shirts and send them to poor people in Africa. Jason Sadler just wanted to help. He thought he'd start with all the leftover T-shirts from his advertising company, I Wear Your Shirt. But judging by the response Sadler got from a group of foreign aid bloggers, you'd think he wanted to toss squirrels into wood chippers or steal lunch boxes from fourth-graders.
"I have thick skin, I don't mind, but it's just the way they responded — it was just, 'You're an idiot, here's another stupid idea, I hope this fails,' " Sadler, 27, tells TIME. "It really was offensive because all I'm trying to do is trying to make something good happen and motivate people to get off their butts, get off the couch and do something to help."

Little did Sadler know he had stumbled into a debate that is raging in the aid world about the best and worst ways to deliver charity, or whether to give at all. He crashed up against a rather simple theory that returned to prominence after aid failures following the 2004 Asian tsunami and 2010 Haiti earthquake: wanting to do something to help is no excuse for not knowing the consequences of what you're doing.

Sadler has never visited Africa or worked on a foreign aid project. To his critics, his pitch seemed naive with its exhortation, "Share the wealth, share your shirts — we're going to change the world." Millions of Africans who have no trouble getting shirts, and who never asked Sadler for a handout, might object to the idea that giving them more clothes will change the world. Stung from watching people donate old, useless stuff after the tsunami and earthquake, aid workers bristled. "I'm sorry to be so unkind to someone who has good intentions, but you don't get a get-home-free card just for having good intentions. You have to do things that make sense," says William Easterly, an author and New York University economics professor who is a leading critic of bad aid. "If a surgeon is about to operate on me, I'm not all that interested in whether he has good intentions. I hope he doesn't have evil intentions, but I'm much more interested in whether he knows what he's doing. People have a double standard about aid."

But why gang up on a guy who just wants to help clothe people in Africa? First, because it's not that hard to get shirts in Africa. Flooding the market with free goods could bankrupt the people who already sell them. Donating clothing is a sensitive topic in Africa because many countries' textile industries collapsed under the weight of secondhand-clothing imports that were introduced in the 1970s and '80s. "First you have destroyed these villages' ability to be industrious and produce cotton products, and then you're saying, 'Can I give you a T-shirt?' and celebrating about it?" says James Shikwati, director of the Nairobi-based Inter Region Economic Network, a think tank. "It's really like offering poison coated with sugar."

People looking to help the poor often think so-called goods-in-kind donations are a way to help, Easterly says. They're certainly an easy way to inspire potential donors. There was the boy in Grand Rapids, Mich., who collected 10,000 teddy bears for Haiti's earthquake victims. Soles4Souls.com is sending shoes. The list goes on: old soap from hotel rooms, underwear, baby formula, even Spam (the pork product, not junk e-mail). "Years — decades — of calm, reasoned discussion do not seem to have worked," an aid worker who blogs under the name Tales from the Hood told TIME by e-mail. "People are still collecting shoes, socks, underwear ... T-shirts ... somehow under the delusion that it is helpful. Sometimes loud shouting down is the only thing that gets heard." Then there's the matter of cost. Money spent shipping teddy bears to kids might be better spent providing for more pressing needs. The same goes for T-shirts.
Sadler says he never planned to dump a million shirts on the market at once. With his two partners, HELP International and WaterIsLife.com, he wanted to send a few thousand shirts at a time to orphanages in Kenya and Uganda that asked for them. Widows would sell the shirts and make a little money. "We're looking at bringing in several thousand shirts and it being a yearlong process of distribution," says Ken Surritte, founder of WaterIsLife.com. "The goal is not to hurt the economy in these areas but to be an asset and to be a blessing to these people that otherwise wouldn't have jobs."

Sadler has proven flexible: he says he is listening to his critics and no longer plans to send the shirts to Africa. He says he will find another way to use the T-shirts he collects, possibly for disaster relief, giving them to homeless shelters or using them to create other goods. He says any profits would then "go back to the company's goal of helping foster sustainability." And judging by the response on the Web, he's getting a lot of donations. "I've since listened to a lot of these people," he says. "I want to change this thing into something that's better, that's more helpful and that listens to the people that have the experience that I don't have."
There are some critics who argue that all foreign aid — whether from individuals or nonprofits or governments — is keeping Africa back. A vast body of research shows that foreign aid has done little to spur economic growth in Africa — and may have actually slowed it down. "The long-term solution is not aid. It may seem cruel that aid should stop, but really it should," says Rasna Warah, a Kenyan newspaper columnist and editor of the anthology Missionaries, Mercenaries and Misfits, a call to arms against aid. "Africa is the greatest dumping ground on the planet. Everything is dumped here. The sad part is that African governments don't say no — in fact, they say, 'Please send us more.' They're abdicating responsibility for their own citizens."

Time.com

2010-05-04T19:18:00.002-05:00

Photo taken by Dana S. - Oct. 2009

This trip is passing so quickly. We left Pueblo Nuevo this afternoon and will not return again during this trip. Much of what we hoped to accomplish in this short amount of time was; much was not. This isn't easy. I knew it wouldn't be. I will continue to say that there is no quick fix for poverty. But it doesn't matter how hard it is. We are here not to solve the world's problems, find solutions for every issue or to eliminate poverty overnight. We are here because we are followers of a God that already knows the outcome and I am trusting that His way is the perfect way.

As I was on the roof of our hotel yesterday morning spending time just being still, a thought came to mind and I was so overwhelmed by it.

"This place feels like nourishment for my spirit. The sight of Agua (volcano) is like water for my soul. And unlike any where else I have ever been, I feel like I can breathe easier here. Each breath is deeper and more refreshing than the last."

This isn't about how I feel about being here, but I have never been more certain about the path that I am walking. I am so in love with a community of people that until last year I never knew existed. As we drove away tonight, I realized that this love is too powerful to be from me. Only He could grow a love this intense in me. As always, leaving Guatemala in a few days is going to be one of the hardest things for me to do.

I Still...

2010-05-02T20:20:00.004-05:00

...hold my breath as the plane leaves the runway.

...drift in and out of a restless sleep as praise & worship music fills my ears after little or no sleep the night before.

...feel my heart begin to race as we begin to descend.

...become breathless at the first glimpse of land below.

...feel the weight fall from my shoulders as I step off the plane.

...can't hold back the smile when I exit the airport.

...repeat, "I can't believe this," again and again as we make our way through busy streets to Antigua.

...feel most relaxed when my feet hit the cobblestone.

...giggle when I call Marco and Leddy to discuss the next day's agenda.

...love Rainbow Cafe and Cookies, Etc.

...and always will miss my two favorite guys every time I am away, if only for a quick trip.

...look at Agua and am amazed at how much my life has been changed here.

...remember the time when I wanted nothing more to leave and continue to thank Him for changing my heart.

...feel passion growing.

...feel like this is home (minus two people).

The Perfect Reminder

2010-04-30T08:55:00.003-05:00

"He is able...to run to the cry of...those who are being tempted and tested and tried." Hebrews 2:18

"Jesus was angry enough to purge the temple, hungry enough to eat raw grain, distraught enough to be called a drunkard, winesome enough to attract kids, weary enough to sleep in a storm-bounced boat, poor enough to sleep on dirt and borrow a coin for a sermon illustration, radical enough to get kicked out of town, responsible enough to care for his mother, tempted enough to know the smell of Satan, and fearful enough to sweat blood. But why? Why would heaven's finest Son endure earth's toughest pain? So you would know that "he is able...to run to the cry of...those who are being tempted and tested and tried." Whatever you are facing, he knows how you feel."

(Grace for the Moment - Morning & Evening Edition - Max Lucado)

There could not be a more perfect reminder for me this morning.

On Our Way

2010-04-29T23:34:00.002-05:00

Not everyone knows this because I don't remember making a "public" announcement about it (though it is highly possible that I did and just can't remember), but we are leaving for Guatemala Sunday morning. Our spring trip was postponed when the focus of the trip changed.

I got the friendly reminder this morning that I had not posted prayer requests for this trip, so for those of you that continue to pray for us and those we are working with in Guatemala, we are specifically praying for...

Safe travel and safety while in-country.
Open hearts and minds on our part, for the families of Pueblo Nuevo and for the Tulio family as we discuss and make decisions on some important issues.
Our families that will not be traveling with us.

There are only two of us traveling this week. I won't go into detail about the purpose of the trip now, but I can't wait to share about it when we return. I will be traveling with our newest board member, Carolyn. Carolyn has been an incredible support since we announced the beginning of AAB and traveled as a team member on both the October and December trips. I am thrilled that she is returning for the third time this year to serve not only in Pueblo Nuevo, but as part of the AAB board.

For those praying, thank you!

December 2010 Guatemala Mission Trip

2010-04-07T23:10:00.002-05:00

Registration for our December trip to Guatemala is now open. We will be in Guatemala December 12 - 18, 2010. As we did last year, we will distribute Christmas food baskets (bags) to families and hold a Christmas party for the children in Pueblo Nuevo. Other plans are subject to change, but at this time we plan to begin installing water filtration systems during this trip and provide a health and hygiene class to families that receive filters that week. We will also visit Rehoboth Children's Home. Registration is limited to 10 team members and the registration deadline is October 1, 2010. No previous mission trip experience or specialized skills are necessary for this trip. Families with children age 5 and up are welcome to travel and as always, we welcome church groups.

For more information, please visit our website or email me at terry(at)acrossallborders(dot)org.

August 2010 Guatemala Mission Trip

2010-04-05T23:21:00.004-05:00

We will be traveling to Guatemala August 21-28, 2010 and are currently seeking team members that can provide medical and/or dental care to adults and children, team members that are willing to assist in the repair of homes (patch roofs, replace boards, etc.) and team members to assist in VBS activities in the village of Pueblo Nuevo. Registration for this trip is now open. For more information or to register for this trip, please visit the Across All Borders website or email Terry at terry (at) acrossallborders (dot) org.

Both AAB founders will be in Guatemala and working with teams that week as well as working directly with families and community leaders to provide education about a possible microfinance program...a community based savings and credit association to promote saving and lending as a way to boost the local job market through job creation, provide for emergency medical situations and provide for other needs as the community sees fit. This program will benefit not only the families of Pueblo Nuevo, but also the community as a whole as we continue to work toward poverty alleviation as orphan prevention in this village. A great deal of work is being done to ensure that this is, indeed, the best way to approach microfinace in Pueblo Nuevo before jumping in to such an important program. Watch for more details as plans continue to unfold.

Beauty from Ashes

2010-03-25T22:56:00.005-05:00

Two months. That has to be a record for me. I won't spend any time on what has been going on during that time. We've just been living life. To those that have emailed and sent Facebook messages (since I've been absent from there, too)...thanks for checking on us. We are OK. Busy. And OK. Alright...jumping right back in...

I've had plenty of things to blog about over the last 2 months, but honestly...it was kind of freeing to step back for a while, gather my thoughts, sort some things out. I've been wanting to jump back in, but when a regular blogger takes a "break", it's kind of hard to figure out how to start back up again. I didn't know exactly where to begin again until tonight.

I know that someone needs to hear this as badly as I did because it isn't like me to be as publicly open about this as I know I am going to be. I feel so strongly that there is someone that desperately needs to hear this that I am going to put my heart out there. I've written about this topic only once (on my old private blog that I no longer use) and only spoken about this with a few people that have lived it, though that was in the midst of another storm at this same time last year. I am praying tonight, as always, and will continue to pray for those that have been touched by this trial...because I know it hurts and because I know that sometimes we allow it to define us, thus giving it the power it doesn't deserve. My heart is so heavy tonight for friends that I know are battling this with all of themselves right now and even those that have been living with this for years. I truly pray that you will one day find peace in this.

"...and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:3

Let me just say that I love Beth Moore and I have to admit to being completely blown away by her Bible study, Breaking Free. I need to rephrase that. I am amazed by how God is using this Bible study to blow me away. This is an intense study that digs into your deepest strongholds in order to reveal and break chains so that you can become closer to God. If I can be honest, I did not know what I was about to step in to when I signed up for this. My first thoughts were positive. I thought that I would learn a few things and hopefully grow a little closer in my relationship with him because break free? Break free from what exactly? Then I got the book and flipped through the pages. I decided that most of which would be addressed in the first six weeks were things that I had already dealt with and moved on. Maybe weeks 7-10 would be beneficial. Weeks 1 - 6 might bring back some memories, but what each day addressed would not be helpful to me at all because I either had already "broken free" from those strongholds or I knew that I never would be able to break free from them in this life. We began by comparing the lives of a few kings of Judah to our lives today to see that there is a great resemblance. Week 2 taught the benefits that God extends to his children. We began to look at obstacles that stand in the way in week 3. So far, so good. But then it got deep. In week 4 we dove into topics like generational bondage and I began to squirm a little. I only thought that was deep until week 5 when we we shot straight to the heart to discuss things like childhood victimization and loss in childhood. That was an uncomfortable week for me. The pain of losing my father when I was just eight years old is still fresh in my mind, but I was happy to realize that much of what I thought would hurt during those first few weeks really became a reassurance that my heart has been healed and while sometimes memories still hurt, they no longer control me. I thought the hardest part was over and the few tears that I shed during week 5 would not return. Moving into week 6 , Beauty from Ashes, would be the start of the climb out of the pit of the past. It wasn't far into day 1 when I realized this may be the most difficult week for me yet. We would be talking about 5 dreams that most little girls have and what happens if one of our dreams does not come true. One of those dreams....to be fruitful.

As I said, until now I have never openly discussed infertility except with a few friends that have lived it. If you have heard me talk about the pain that comes with infertility, if you aren't someone that has experienced it first hand, I have never been completely honest with you. Just like other losses, until you experience it you can not even begin to understand the pain that it causes and the havoc that it wrecks on your life. I have often described infertility as death and to this day I still believe that it is a death that it is necessary to grieve and mourn the death of the dream of having a child.

For those of you that do not know our story, we walked through infertility before adopting our son from Guatemala. But here's the twist and one that has been discussed privately, but that I have always been afraid to say publicly until now....

Even after adoption, infertility still hurts. There is no life after infertility. Just like the death of a loved one is never forgotten and always brings back pain regardless of a healed heart, so does infertility.

Some may say that by my admitting this or having these feelings, that I am not satisfied with the child that is ours. Before you comment or send an email saying how horrible I am, please hear me when I say and mean that I adore our son and there is not another child, biological or not, that I could love more than him. He is our son and never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would be so blessed by being his mom. If I had the chance to live this part of my life again, this time without infertility and having a biological child instead of adopting, already knowing this outcome, I would walk through fire to become the mother to THIS child a thousand times over. This has nothing to do with him, but more with longing for something that I know I cannot have. Genetics mean nothing to me. In fact, I always knew that my children would come to me through adoption and I never had a strong desire to have biological children. We decided years ago to try to have a child and then we would adopt children. It wasn't until someone told us that we cannot have biological children that I truly began to want one. To this day, as confusing as it sounds, I have no desire to have a biological child. I believe the explanation of why I do not want biological children is simple...God never intended for me to have a child this way. But that doesn't erase the fact that there are things that we lose in life that we grieve over and mourn the loss of and losing just the chance of having children this way is a death that we walked through in order to get to our son.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and I have always known that the pain of infertility would lead to something greater than I could imagine. Until now, I assumed that it led and may continue to lead to adoption and that is part of it, I'm sure. I also knew that had we not adopted from Guatemala, my heart would never have been shattered for the suffering there, so I knew that one of the reasons we had to live this in this life was so that we could fulfill our purpose. But never have I seen so clearly through the pain of infertility as I am seeing today.

Oh how often I read these verses through tears years ago....

"Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide, do not hold back; lengthen your cord, strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities. Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband - the Lord Almighty is his name - the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth." Isaiah 54: 1-5

I never got it. How could it be..."more are the children of the desolate woman" that never bore a child?

I spent years begging for the positive pregnancy test that never came and I wasted a lot of time asking God to give me something that deep down I knew was not His will for my life. But I wanted it and for a while I am ashamed to admit that I did not care what he wanted and I cried myself to sleep every night asking him to change his mind.

I wish I could have heard the words that he may have been speaking to me during that time...words that I could not hear because I didn't want to.

"Just wait. Just wait for the day when you finally understand what I mean by "more are the children of the desolate woman." Just wait until the moment you realize what all of this is really about. Just wait because in the not too distant future I am going to show you why you had to live this. Just wait until I shatter the wall that now surrounds your heart. Just wait until you feel the relief that comes when I lift this burden from you. Just wait."

After our adoption was final, I hid so many of the emotions that come to some moms (and dads) post adoption. I felt guilty for still sometimes thinking about infertility and being hurt by it. "Experts" talk about life after infertility and I've learned that this is something that many adoptive parents experience, but do not feel comfortable sharing because so many people look at us and think that once we become parents through adoption our struggle with infertility should be over. That simply is not the case. If you never give birth to a child because of infertility, you are always infertile. It never goes away. I will be 70 years old and still I will remember this and sometimes that memory will hurt. It is hard to explain, but I know that many understand exactly what I am talking about (please somebody...tell me you understand this). But again, I knew all along that there was a reason for our infertility and I have been able to piece things together along the way...things that I know were supposed to happen and would only have happened because of this. But there is so much more to it than what I have ever realized.

Beth says, "God never allows or appoints a fire unless he can bring beauty from the ashes." "We cannot often refuse the fire,", she says, "but we can refuse to be refined by it." "God is much more interested in our callings than our comfort. Sometimes our fiery trials are absolutely necessary to fulfill our callings."

Beauty from ashes. I have never compared infertility to ashes, though I have compared the parts of the result to beauty (our son...you can't get more beautiful than that). But "beauty from ashes" has taken on an entirely new meaning for me now. I knew that this was necessary to fulfill part of our calling, but did I ever fully grasp what might not have happened had we not walked through infertility? No. For so long I've asked God if I would always feel the pain of infertility and for so long I have asked him if I would ever fully understand why this happened to us. I know now that yes, infertility will always be a part of my life because it is such an important part of who I was, am and will become, but just as it hasn't hurt in the last year (since the peak of pain after adoption), it will not be a constant source of pain in my life ever again because my heart is healed. Memories sometimes bring back pain, but we are not defined by our memories and infertility will never again hurt the way it once did. That wall has been shattered. To my other question, his answer is yes and now is the time that I am hearing his response.

Without infertility we would have eventually adopted, but Central America never entered our thoughts. I wanted to have a child and then adopt a cute little girl from China and a boy from Cambodia (this was before Cambodia closed). Guatemala was not on our radar. But we did adopt from Guatemala and we began falling in love with a country that we never would have known without infertility. I would never have spent time fostering a child there and never would have started an organization focused on preventing orphans and caring for existing orphans there. That is where my mind stopped. That is how our fiery trial of infertility was necessary to fulfill our calling. But then God used a Bible study and two simple words, "spiritual children", to show me the rest of his reason for our infertility and to lift the burden of infertility from my life as quickly as it was placed there.

I had to answer the question last week, "Are you discovering a few opportunities to rear spiritual children?" Meaning...do you have any opportunities to love, mentor, minister to, be a part of a child's life that isn't actually your child...a child that is your spiritual child?

Immediately all of my questions were answered and that horrible, heavy burden was lifted from my life. For the first time it all made perfect sense. The reason is different for everyone that experiences infertility. Some may be for the reason of adopting a child or children and that is it or maybe it has nothing to do with adoption at all. Children need moms and dads and if a child is a true orphan he or she should be adopted and God uses infertility to fulfill that purpose in so many lives. That was part of it for us, but our reason was not just to adopt one or two, four or six children. In fact the more I listen, the more I understand that we will likely never adopt the number of children we once talked about. Because through infertility he would show us that our calling was to rear more spiritual children than we will ever know about in this life.

I am sitting in my living room right now, but my mind has me in the middle of Pueblo Nuevo and I can see the children that we already know and so many more that we do not. There are hundreds of children there and we are there because of them. To make sure that they do not become orphans. To help break the cycle of generational poverty in this village in their lifetimes. To ensure that their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren never have to face the fears that exist in the lives of those that live in the grasp of poverty. We already love them so much, every one of them, and it is our God given hearts desire to watch them grow and thrive, living full, long lives outside of the bondage that they are currently living in. God knew while I was begging him to allow us to have a child that in our lives we would have more spiritual children than we will ever know this side of heaven. He knew that I had no idea when I said we would one day work with at-risk children in developing countries that we would be working not just for one or two generations, but that after we are gone, what we do now will effect generations to come. His will for our lives was already planned and how he would get us to that point was already in the works. Infertility was never to hurt us...it was just the sign in the road that said, "This isn't the way. Turn here." And just wait.

I have no idea what he is going to do with the rest of our lives or how many children (and adults) in places unknown that he will lead us to. I do not know how he will touch their lives through us or our lives through them. I have been thankful for infertility for a few years now, since we first met Tommy and knew that without it, he would not be our son. But today I am thankful for infertility on behalf of every child that he will touch because of the life he has called us to.

I am so in love with the God that says, "Sing, O barren woman...." and pray that for every woman battling with the newness of infertility or the scars from years ago, that you (and I) will enlarge the place of our tents and stretch our tent curtains wide because perhaps we have been called to spread out to the right and the left. Maybe we truly will have more children than we believed we would because I finally believe...."more are the children of the desolate woman."

Beauty from ashes...

Recommended Books

2010-01-27T13:17:00.003-06:00

It is so easy, I think, for organizations to get off track from their original mission and goals. It isn't always intentional, in fact I think most of the time it is unintentional as we are forced to work with what we have access to. Sadly, some become stuck in that never ending cycle of handouts and temporary fixes instead of re-evaluating and coming back to their original goal of working out long term solutions. Just during the short amount of time we have been in Guatemala I have seen how easy it could be to make multiple trips a year to poverty stricken countries and do nothing but distributions of meds, shoes, school supplies, etc. I am not saying that those things aren't needed, but what happens when things like toothpaste and antibacterial ointment run out and we aren't there to provide them with more? Does it really do any good to provide a child with pencils and notebooks for the school year when they don't have access to a pencil sharpener? And what good does that one bag of food REALLY do, other than giving them a holiday meal, filling their bellies for a week and reminding them that they are loved and not forgotten? As we work at finding long term solutions for poverty elimination in an effort to prevent children from becoming orphans in Pueblo Nuevo and beyond, we are learning how hard it is for those around us to understand why it is so important to focus on those long term solutions instead of focusing only on short term fixes that result in constant handouts that do more harm than good.

That leads me to two book recommendations...

I am currently reading The Poor Will Be Glad and recommend it to anyone that is considering beginning or partnering with a non-profit with a focus on poverty elimination. Whether you do not understand the impact that micro finance programs can have in developing countries or you want to learn more about how they work, this has some of the information you need. It has been an encouragement to me as we look at ways to establish such a program in Guatemala.

When Helping Hurts is a book I am recommending before I read it. I have been meaning to read it for a while and will start it when I am finished with The Poor Will Be Glad. It is highly recommended by others that have read it and I am anxious to get started.

This comes as I am sorting through thoughts that are leading to a blog post about the "new" UNICEF-Haiti news. We do not support UNICEF or anyone affiliated with them, but I know that I am in the miniority of adoptive parents in my thoughts on international adoption as a form of orphan care...an opinion that has changed for me over the last few years. Of course, we believe in adoption as an option for children that are truly eligble, but we also believe international adoption is not the answer to the world's growing orphan crisis. Working to eliminiate poverty and in turn preventing orphans is. More on my thoughts about UNICEF and international adoption soon...

$21 for Haiti

2010-01-13T20:56:00.003-06:00

If you have ever read my blog, chances are you have heard about the Caswell family. The Caswell's have been an inspiration to me for the last five years, since adopting their first child from Guatemala, and continue to inspire us with their love for orphans and heart for those in need around the world. Today I learned that their two oldest children want to help the people of Haiti. These children have the biggest hearts of any children I have ever met, thanks to the example of their parents, so it is not a surprise to me that they would begin thinking of ways to help. After some discussion, it was decided that their family would hold a bake sale in their driveway this Saturday. They will be selling baked goods, coffee, cocoa and maybe some toys. 100% of the proceeds will go to Samaritan's Purse for Haiti Disaster Assistance

Gannon's goal is to raise $21 because, as he says, "That's more money than I ever had in my whole life." I am sending my $21 tomorrow. Will you match me? If you are able to donate $21 or any other amount, please send paypal donations to terry dot bracey at gmail dot com or mail checks or money orders made payable to Rebecca Caswell to: AAB, P.O. Box 14086, Baton Rouge, LA 70898 and I will send them to her all at once.

Again, ALL proceeds will go to Samaritan's Purse. This is NOT to benefit Across All Borders or projects in Guatemala in any way.

Please consider donating. Feel free to post this on Facebook, Twitter and other blogs. Also consider hosting your own bake sale this weekend as a way to support those in Haiti and increase your children's awareness to the needs there.

To read Rebecca's blog post about their bake sale, CLICK HERE.

In the News

2010-01-06T22:44:00.002-06:00

CLICK HERE to read a short article about the students that worked to collect school supplies, OTC meds, toys and shirts that AAB distributed in October and December. Great kids, awesome teachers!